To give everything up or not?

[Louise_B]

Most of you may know my So is being deployed in June. The last few weeks him myself and his mum have been looking around for a job for me to take in the states and shock horror (sarcasm) i can not find anything ANYWHERE. I thought working where i am in London would give me a huge advantage, But sadly not.

Justin is over in December until the very start of January. So really we only then have January - End of may (start of june) together before going away from anything between 9-12 months.

Part of me is telling me to follow my heart and ask my manager for extended leave and if not granted to quit my job and go and visit and stay with Justin for the 3 months im allowed to on my visa so i get to be with him and enjoy being together before he deploys.

But then my head is telling me 'dont be so stupid'. My brother moved to New Zealand in January with his Girlfriend (he was previously working in the Savoy Hotel in London) They broke up just 2 months ago and he moved back home with myself and my parents and now his finding it VERY Difficult to get himself another job even with the experience he does with the most famous Hotels known around the world.

I just don't know what to do. I am stuck in two minds and it is driving me crazy.

- He would have enough money to support the both of us. And i know i cant work being over there on a Visitors visa. But im sure there would be the odd baby sitting that needed doing on camp so i can socialise and be out and about and earing some sort of money.

Help ...

[digitalfever]

I don't think you should quit your job. I think financial security and personal well come before your SO.

It's fine that your SO can support you while your in the US buy what happens when you head back to London? I think you have to consider the long term affects of your decision to quit your job.

[barret95]

I'm not that experienced on giving advice but what I know for sure is make sure you have your separate life well planned, job, experience ect, just as a back up. say you two (God forbid) break up and can't make it work, then you have a good plan of your future. So I say keep your job. (if you can't get the extended leave).

"He would have enough money to support the both of us. " if he DOES , i mean he's 100% sure he has enough, then I'd say try and get the extended leave.

I'm sure other people will disagree with me, but at the end of the day, it's all down to you!
Again I'm not made up of wise advice , but whatever choice you make , be sure to have a back up plan in mind! (if you quit your job and move back to England, make sure there are jobs you can be sure you can get) if you know what I mean?

[teachernicole]

Something similar happened to me just in the last few weeks. I quit my job the first week in August and honestly I regret it. I wanted to focus on firefighting, what I'm planning on doing as a career, so I quit teaching...big mistake. I would say definitely don't quit your job. I'm ok financially between my parents and my fiancé but I have no income! I can't save money for our future and it's not a nice feeling. I started looking for another one but I can't find one.

So it might seem like the best/easiest choice and I completely understand your dilemma, but I would say don't quit your job from experience :/ good luck

[kattermole]

I'd ask for the three-month sabbatical and see what they say first. They might be happy to allow it as it's easier to grant that and have a value employee come back, than have to search for someone else, train them up etc.

[princessmaria]

Don't quit your job. I had to make a decision like this recently too regarding school. An education and future career for myself is more important than spending more time with my SO. Either way, you two are going to be apart again for a long time. If both of you aren't in stable positions in your life, it'll be that more difficult to deal with the distance when it's time for him to be deployed. Your job and personal successes should be separate from your relationship. Your SO isn't going to get dishonorably discharged from the military just because you two have to spend a lot of time apart, that would just be silly. It would be just as silly for you to quit your job, so I strongly advise against it. I understand completely how you feel though. This summer I was so close to giving up on school because I was just tired of it being the reason my SO and I are seperated, but then I remembered how important it is for me to finish my degree and have a career I could be happy with. It's important for you to have that foundation at home and to have your own independent life outside of your SO, it's healthy. If your boss is willing to grant you an extended leave though, that would be great! Good luck to you.

[emsimes]

I would also advise you not to quit your job. I know how it feels to want to drop everything and just be with your SO, but I think that most importantly, you need to think of your well-being first! If you can get those three months off from your job, that's a totally different story, but if you do decide to quit, do you have an idea of where you could get a job once you return to London? Is there also any way that your SO could come visit you in London during his break?
Wishing you the best!

[temporaryuser]

dont quit your job. I know you would love to spend time with him. who here doesnt. But your future may very well depend on you keeping this job. if you quit, and come back after he deploys, what kind of reference are you going to get. if you were an employer, how would you feel in this situation? When you get back, and cant find a job, what kind of state emotionally will you be in? While he is deployed, he will need you to be strong to keep him going.
yes it sucks, yes you want to be with him. But you have to think long term. In the grand scheme of things, 9-12 months is nothing.

[Black_Halloween]

Dont quit your job! What would happen when you go back and have nothing? Ask for the few months off and see what they say.

[rach92g]

Would it be possible for you to find a friend that was in need of a job, then go to your manager and ask for the 3 months leave and suggest that he/she hire your friend to fill in while you're away, or possibly even your brother that is in need of a job and already has experience working in a hotel? Just a thought. I would stress the importance of your visit with him. Remember, managers are real people with real emotions Hope all goes well!

[Captivated]

Would it be possible for you to find a friend that was in need of a job, then go to your manager and ask for the 3 months leave and suggest that he/she hire your friend to fill in while you're away, or possibly even your brother that is in need of a job and already has experience working in a hotel? Just a thought. I would stress the importance of your visit with him. Remember, managers are real people with real emotions Hope all goes well!

As a manager, I would love an employee to come to me with a solution included with their request/problem. Great advice, Rach.

[Dezface]

I wouldn't quit my job for only three months. That amount of time will fly by and then you'll be back home with no job. It sucks having to wait the long distance out, but putting yourself in financial jeopardy isn't the solution.

[Tooki]

As a manager, I would love an employee to come to me with a solution included with their request/problem. Great advice, Rach.

I agree! If your brother does a great job, he may even get himself a permanent position.

[ChibiFelicia]

Im in a similar situation however it's because we're in the immigration visa process right now. I have just quit my nursing position and i finish on the 29th september. I told my manager im leaving for 3-4 months (a couple months in the U.S and a couple months in Hong Kong to visit family) but then i'll be back in the UK so i'll be needing a job before my visa is ready. Considering how long the spousal visa takes, i'll probably have a few months in the UK. At the hospital i work at, an RN can go on permanent "bank" which basically means im contracted to work full time but not on any one ward. I call up and get told which wards and shifts needs a nurse and i'll go work there. My current manager has actually asked me to stay on this wards bank, meaning i'll cover their shifts when im back. We employ a fair amount of people who come from different countries, awaiting visas etc so i guess they are used to it.
I did have to speak to my manager with my plan so i wasn't just taken off totally when i left. This hospital trained me so i imagine they would prefer to keep me working when im able to.

On a side note, it's totally scary when quitting your job! i'll have no regular income for 4 months : ( however my hubby and my family are happy to support me during that time. Now i have to worry about whether the US is going to let me in, i still will have a contract to show im an RN with a job, have a car, house etc etc but i've never left a job for a few months just to go back. Do many people take sabbaticals to visit their loved ones? I'd be so sad if the immigration officer sends me back home. I have no intentionof staying in the states (not this visit) i need my spousal visa, go into the US legally, get my greencard and work as an RN (after i pass exams)! I guess im going to have to stress that i worked hard to become a nurse and no way am i going to give that up just so i can be with my hubby a little sooner >.<

[Laural007]

With the way the economy is today I wouldn't quit my job. However, if you decide to do that or take a sabbatical make sure your SO is completely ok supporting the two of you. Just a few things to keep in mind....do you have a car payment/credit card debts that he will have to take on for three months? It's a huge strain having to support someone else and you want to spend the last few months enjoying each other’s company, not being stressed out over financial issues