He doesn't think he can do it

[RachelEva]

My boyfriend is a snowboarding instructor and he can't get any jobs in this country so he has to leave for 4-6 months every winter. I've known him for a couple years but we only got together about three months ago and now we're in love and winter is coming really fast. I always thought that it would be okay for us, like obviously it is gonna be really really hard but I want to be with him cause he's made me the happiest I've ever been since I can remember and I can't go back to how depressed I was before I met him, I don't want to lose him, but he says that it's inevitable that we're gonna break up cause "long distance relationships don't ever work"
But I know that they do, especially when it's not forever it's just for a couple months then he'll be back with me. How am I supposed to convince him to at least try? How can I change his mind? I don't want him to give up on us completely just cause he has no faith in it.

[Zapookie]

Hello, and welcome to LFAD

Maybe you can show him this website? LD relationships do work, they just require a lot of communication and trust. There are many people on here who have successfully closed the distance, as well as many others who have been LD for years and are still going strong.

However, if he is set on his beliefs, there may be no way to change that and you'll have to accept that he doesn't want to pursue anything further. A relationship requires both parties to be committed to making it work.

[LizBrown08]

I had the exact same issues with my SO. When he first found out he was moving, he looked at me and just said " this isn't going to work, it's too hard". Well, me being me, I told him that was a coward answer and we were going to be fine. My confidence in him, and our relationship really stood out when I didn't accept that "its going to be too hard" You have to be strong, and show him that you are going to stand by him and be supportive. It will have it's hardships, and some days you both will wander if you made the right choice, but if you really love him and he really loves you, than you will make it work. Get a hobby while he is gone, get involved with things so that you don't fall into a deep depression when you are seperated. You need to build yourself up and realize you can be happy with or without him. I am sure that light will shine through you and he won't want to let you go. I just told my SO, I'm not going anywhere, I love you, and I'm going to do what I have to do to make this work, all I ask of you is to try with me and don't scare away from what we have. And, it worked! Trust me, my boyfriend is one of the most stubborn of all men, but he felt my love for him when I didn't let him just walk away. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help! But I do completely understand where you are coming from. good luck!

[abna1]

Maybe you can show him this website? LD relationships do work, they just require a lot of communication and trust. There are many people on here who have successfully closed the distance, as well as many others who have been LD for years and are still going strong.

However, if he is set on his beliefs, there may be no way to change that and you'll have to accept that he doesn't want to pursue anything further. A relationship requires both parties to be committed to making it work.

All of this !
You would actually be one of the luckiest couples on here, because you'd be together for at least half of the year.
Would you be able to visit him while he's away working ?

And welcome to LFAD

[temporaryuser]

is he planning on coming back after the winter? If so, you need to have a heart to heart with him. Find out if he is truly afraid of the distance, or if he simply doesnt want to be tied down. I have a feeling with his line of work he deals with a lot of women.

[Moon]

His excuse is pretty lame, since you aren't in a typical LDR. If I understand correctly, he's away half a year at most, so you're together at least that much, whereas the type of LDR he's talking about is people who never live near each other, does that make sense? I'd have an honest chat with him about his feelings regarding your relationship, it sounds more like he doesn't want to be tied down while he's away for work, but doesn't want to come right out and say that.

[Kiyama]

His excuse is pretty lame, since you aren't in a typical LDR. If I understand correctly, he's away half a year at most, so you're together at least that much, whereas the type of LDR he's talking about is people who never live near each other, does that make sense? I'd have an honest chat with him about his feelings regarding your relationship, it sounds more like he doesn't want to be tied down while he's away for work, but doesn't want to come right out and say that.

Exactly my thoughts. It sounds like he wants out and that's his excuse. 4-5 months is nothing if you have the rest of your lives together. If he really loved you, he'd see that. Sorry that I have nothing more reassuring to say

[digitalfever]

I think if someone says they “can’t do it” then you have to enter convincing him otherwise with a more “he may still turn this down” outlook. Be hopeful but understand that love doesn’t conquer all. In all honesty, I’d show him LFAD and also have a heart to heart to understand where he’s coming from. If he isn’t 100% on board there is no point in investing in something that may fall apart in 2 weeks.

[alittlemind]

In my experience (second LDR here), it's important that both people in the relationship want it to work. With my ex, he didn't really make an effort for it to work, didn't care how much we talked (if we talked), didn't try to communicate, he didn't care if that relationship failed or not, so eventually it did. Of course, most people's outlook on LDR is that "they never work for anyone" but that's not true. If both people truly want to be together, and want to fight for the relationship, for example, keeping in contact, communicating when you're having an issue, showing that person that you care about them often, it can work. He's only going to be gone for a few months, so it's not like you're spending years away from each other, and of course if you can show him this website and convince him that LDR's work and to give it a shot, things could work out. But it's important that he's willing to do this, and not just because you're "forcing" him to. Best wishes