Soo Frustrated!!

[archangel]

I have tried so many times trying to become more open minded and let me see my SO. And really regardless what they I am going to see her.

As most of you recall, me and my SO had planned to meet in June of this year. But that to be posted because my parents were worried about my safety and worried my financial situation. That sucked, when we were taking about and came to that decision it was terrible... and we both were teary eyed. So we decided to postpone the trip to the end of this year.

But well, it is almost like everything I went though in order to make sure the June trip would work is back in my face. Mainly my parents are stilling saying the same things trying to convince me to stay.

• They are worried about my safety because what is going on in the world today... umm yeah, but mass media isn't always right. Its BIAS towards other countries.
• they are worried about my heath, because of the viruses and other stuff out there... seriously, I am going to get vaccines for those.
• they are worried that if I go my education will suffer and I will end up on the street homeless (LIKE WTF?)
• they are worried that i would be 'wasting' money to go someone who I might not be together with in a few years.
• they keep on asking me to help them with stuff around their house AND get high grades in college AND get a freakin' job. I would be better focusing on one instead of 3 things and failing miserably on all 3.

I am gonna ask to my SO to see if she will talk to them this weekend and hopefully help me out in this. I have also booked a counselor appointment at my college a week today to help break calm to this storm.

One thing that really really bugs me is they have done and said similar things in the past and have listened only to lose out on an opportunity I could have done. And the times I have gone against them, everything turned out great. Like when I went Hang Gliding for my 19th Birthday.....

[LadyMarchHare]

Aside from safety the excuses your parents are making sound like they just flat out don't want you leaving them and looking to another person/becoming wholly independent. Bad case of parental clinging. I'm not sure having your SO talk to them would help but I think the counselor visit, if you and your parents are going, is a good idea. A fairly unbiased (as no human can be wholly unbiased) third party in the mix is most likely what you need right now. Someone who, from a professional point of view, can tell your parents the benefits of going, the true level of safety, and help them with their clinging.

[Silviar]

You know what, archangel? You're absolutely right. It sounds to me like you've done your best to be a caring, considerate son, and your parents sound like they need to grow up a little and accept that you're you're own man. I'm sorry they're being so ridiculous, but when you take calm, even steps forward like you've been, at least you can point out that you've done the mature, adult path and certainly weren't rash.

Viruses. *snorts* Like you're going to roll around on a hill filled with malaria and ebola. XD Good grief!

I'm glad you're not afraid to live life. That hang gliding picture is amazing.

Go for it. And have fun with your SO.

[paulawriteslove]

It seems like your parents are very protective of you, which is normal for parents. Put yourself in their shoes. You're going to have to convince your parents some how that you are an adult and this is a great experience for you. I know that my parents were so nervous when I went to see my SO for the first time, even though they've met him before. They were just nervous with the traveling and stuff. So, to make them feel better, my friend decided to come with me and we did a road trip for spring break This made them feel a lot better! So maybe you could do something to make them feel better. Hope this was somewhat helpful!

[archangel]

Thanks everyone!
@LadyMarchHare; No It will just be going to the counselor to speak to them about this.

@Silviar; I wish it was that easy, lets how everything plays out in the next coming days.

@Paula; Its tough trying to find something to do for them to make them feel better, since most of the time they want help around the house which in some cases takes time away from my studies.

One thing I forgot to mention is that I was living alone for 10 month about a year and a half a go. I only had to ask them for help when I ran into room mate issues. which they were nice enough to drive to me and bring me back home for a week until I found a new place to stay. So it isn't a matter of Independence and all, more like over protective is the case.

[LadyMarchHare]

I don't see how just you going is going to improve the situation, no offense. You need to see about getting a session with a family counselor or seeing if that counselor will see all of you so that you can express these concerns in front of them and get help.

[archangel]

I don't see how just you going is going to improve the situation, no offense. You need to see about getting a session with a family counselor or seeing if that counselor will see all of you so that you can express these concerns in front of them and get help.

Family counselors require a referral from a family doctor, and those also eat into my parents medical insurance. Like money isn't tight enough already because of the recession, tuition fees, books and other living expenses. Also the counselor I am going to would be able to speak to my parents over the phone, if they needed it to. On top of all that, my parents are fairly busy with work and all.
All I want is to find another way to approach this so that is going to hopefully work out, they won't worry as much and let me go.

[paulawriteslove]

Hm, I think they are very protective of you and don't want you to grow up are you an only child??

[archangel]

Hm, I think they are very protective of you and don't want you to grow up are you an only child??

Yep, I'm a lonely only child.

[paulawriteslove]

Yep, I'm a lonely only child.

To be honest, that could be the reason they're so protective of you. They don't want anything happening to you! My friends an only child and his parents are super protective of him. You need to let them know that everything will be okay. I hope this helps, somewhat

[folclor]

haven't read the entire thread but putting in my two cents here: They're going to worry, they're your parents, but oh my gosh, your parents are even MORE overprotective than mine. =/ You have to convince them that you KNOW it will benefit you. However, you may have to 'concede' a point. Tell them that you believe this won't be a wasted effort, tell them that you may not know the future, but you think that this will pan out and, even if it doesn't, you'll get something insanely great out of it. Tell them that if you don't take this trip you'll forever wonder if you should've. If they don't let go and you don't get to see her, you'll forever wonder if you made the right choice, you'll be angry with yourself at letting this chance pass you by, you'll wonder whether she was 'the one' and you let her escape because you weren't strong enough to go see her.

That's what I would've told my parents had they asked.

[archangel]

haven't read the entire thread but putting in my two cents here: They're going to worry, they're your parents, but oh my gosh, your parents are even MORE overprotective than mine. =/ You have to convince them that you KNOW it will benefit you. However, you may have to 'concede' a point. Tell them that you believe this won't be a wasted effort, tell them that you may not know the future, but you think that this will pan out and, even if it doesn't, you'll get something insanely great out of it. Tell them that if you don't take this trip you'll forever wonder if you should've. If they don't let go and you don't get to see her, you'll forever wonder if you made the right choice, you'll be angry with yourself at letting this chance pass you by, you'll wonder whether she was 'the one' and you let her escape because you weren't strong enough to go see her.

That's what I would've told my parents had they asked.

I think I have tried to tell them something similar to this is the past and it didn't really make a difference. I'm gonna start putting everything together next week, mainly the medical and vaccines I need before I start going to a travel agent.
One thing that sucks, is that there is a good chance i'll be staying at a hotel... which means additions fees on top of the cost of the already expensive flight. Hopefully come Monday, I shouldn't feel like I'm stuck in an awkward situation with my worrying parents and everything can more forward.