Not sure what im going through right now - love or hate him?

[kellybleedinghearts]

Hi just looking for some friendly advice. No matter how much i try I can't figure out what is going on in my head!

Been with boyfriend for 5 years, 4 have been long distance. People who arent in LDR's freak out when I say that but because it has been so long I'm very used to it and enjoy having my own time.

However I really get my hopes up for the times I'm going to see him, get excited and then feel let down when I do.

I love him very much but it's almost as if I can't stand him when I'm around him (like get very annoyed with him) but miss him immensely when I'm away.

Going through my head I feel it can be a number of things, like i feel he doesnt appreciates me anymore and takes me for granted and sometimes I feel breaking up with him would open his eyes to that but I don't want to break up.

Or it's this relationship OCD I keep hearing about where I'm putting too much pressure on it.

Or it's the length of time we have been together and he is extremely comfortable but I keep thinking 'is this it?? I'm only 25!'

Or it's the fact he has moved 4 times and doesn't know what he wants to do. Whereas I have a nice job, lots of socialising etc quite settled for now.

Anyone shed some light on my craziness? Much appreciated!

[princessmaria]

At the end of the day you're the only person who can decide what's going on with your feelings, but the fact that you feel doubtful or unhappy at all in your relationship is a bad bad sign. Ultimately, no matter what conclusion you come to about how you feel, something will have to change between you and your SO. Whether that means breaking up, taking a break, or just having a conversation with him and incorporating things into your relationship to make it more enjoyable, something will have to give. I feel like there's nothing worse than being in an unhappy relationship, and it's simply not fair for you or your SO to continue forward and pretend like everything is okay. I wish you all the best of luck and I hope you figure things out.

[Kitty Boo]

kellybleedinghearts, from what you're saying, it does sound a bit like it's just how long you've been together. You've lost that spark that new couples have, where their whole world seems to revolve around their S.O and nothing else. You've learned that the both of you have your own lives to lead that may not always involve your S.O. That's not a bad thing, but it could mean that you've gotten a little bit too comfortable and used to each other, like you just accept like the other person will be there at the end of the day.

Something has to change, but that doesn't mean you have to break up! When you say you "can't stand him" when you're around him, what is it specifically that you can't stand? Is it a habit? Is it the way he acts? Is it the fact that it's nothing special? Try to figure out what exactly it is. When you know that, you could start working towards trying to solve that. For example, if you can't stand the way that everything seems so repetitive, why not try to plan an interesting date together that you can both look forward to? If it's a habit, why not try talking to him about it?

As for the second thing, if you feel like your relationship has lost that interest and spark, and you've both gotten a little bit too comfortable, why not try incorporating some new ideas into your relationship together? Try suggesting that you do something fun together. There's lots of ideas for things to do with your long distance partner on LFAD! You might be feeling like you always talk about the same things and it's gotten a bit predictable and boring. Why not try the 100 questions idea? You'll talk about a lot of new things you hadn't even thought to ask!

And lastly, you say that he's not exactly in a stable position with his life ... why don't you try to talk to him about it, and try to help him out? It might help him to have a second opinion, or someone to help him figure some things out.

I hope this has helped you even a tiny little bit, and good luck to the both of you! Don't give up yet! x

[kellybleedinghearts]

Thanks so much princess for your reply.

And thanks Kitty, we do new exciting things cus I know that's important but it's always me planning /suggesting them so that gets a bit on my nerves cus I don't think he appreciates it.

But one of the main things is when we are together there isn't very much conversation and that gets me down? that's a bad sign isn't it...

[srtd35]

To me it sounds like you love the "idea" of him more than you do him. Like others have said you are the only one that can make th decision but at your age I think I would take a break and see other people and make sure it is really what you want.

[Kitty Boo]

Thanks so much princess for your reply.

And thanks Kitty, we do new exciting things cus I know that's important but it's always me planning /suggesting them so that gets a bit on my nerves cus I don't think he appreciates it.

But one of the main things is when we are together there isn't very much conversation and that gets me down? that's a bad sign isn't it...

No problem, and maybe he just doesn't have any good ideas? You could try suggesting an idea, and try to plan it out together? Ask for his advice, and for his ideas, so it'd be a joint input rather than you feeling like you're doing anything? And communication is key, so maybe you could bring up this issue to him? Ask him if this is still what he wants, and how he's feeling about the relationship? Maybe he doesn't realise how this is affecting you.

As for conversation, well, if you talk a lot normally online, then maybe you've already covered everything then? So that when you do actually meet, you feel like there's nothing to talk about? Or, it could simply be because of the time that you've been together. You've known each other so long and are so comfortable with each other that you feel like there's nothing left to say that you don't already know about each other? Why not try incorporating some games into your conversation? Or maybe play something silly like "Truth or Dare" or "Would you rather...?" just to find out some things about each other? You could also try those random questions for couples to know your partner better - they're usually really random questions that you most likely haven't thought to ask before!

Good luck, I hope you guys sort it out! >_< x