HOW TO AVOID BEING CALLED "DEFENSIVE"

[cheese_cakeblue]

My SO is complaining about me being defensive everytime i answer his question... it's like whenever I answered him a NO (with my normal tone in skype) he always tells me " you dont need to be defensive"

whenever i justified a thing to the best my knowledge, he mistakenly think that im ranting / doesn't want to listen....

..it's getting in my nerves! I feel like im talking to a Psychologist, i got offended the way he analyzes my statements.. I don't posses american accent so i hope he understands

[Black_Halloween]

Well typically, when you type it caps it means you're yelling...which means you're angry...which is probably why he thinks you're being defensive.

[LadyDaemon]

Well typically, when you type it caps it means you're yelling...which means you're angry...which is probably why he thinks you're being defensive.

This...

[Ejoriah]

I think the OP is saying she is saying "no" in her normal tone of voice over skype? If that is the case, then I would say you need to tell your SO that it's annoying that he always assumes you're defensive when you're not. Ask him to try giving you the benefit of the doubt and see how it goes.

[cheese_cakeblue]

thanks ejoriah

[MissButterfly]

Is English his native language? Maybe he just doesn't know how to properly use the word defensive. Seriously, saying 'no' is absolutely not the same as being defensive, so I would talk to him about how it makes you feel. I would get freaking frustrated too!

Edit: It all really depends on what the conversation was about and what you said other than 'no'. I think this is a pretty good explanation of what it is:
It's when you can be so sensitive that you take almost any comment as being suggestive of something negative or you take it as a criticism. It's not necessarily that you are defending yourself against an accusation that you did something wrong; it is the fact that someone may say something not even remotely accusing (say, something like, "I saw you sitting with Susan at lunch today") and you might reply, "There's nothing going on between us."
The other person would say, "OK, don't be so defensive about it".
I wouldn't say it's necessarily bad, but you might want to lighten up or think before you question somebody's intent in what they're saying. They may just be trying to make conversation.

[cheese_cakeblue]

Hi MissBUtterfly THank you for taking the time to read my thread

Yes, he is a native English speaker.. I got it i think i just misunderstood the line of his question and being sensitive about it.. i should think about it first before questioning him

Thank u so much for ur advice.