Am I being unreasonable?

[alittlemind]

Yesterday I went out with friends, knowing it would mean that I wouldn't be able to talk to my SO on skype before bed (usually our only time to do so), and also knowing that the night before that we only talked for a few minutes because he was really tired from work. When I was telling him about my plans yesterday, I said that at least we could skype for a few hours before he went to work today, and he agreed to that. Well I got home from my night out this morning, and I asked him to skype. We talked for about 15 minutes before his friend called, asking him to hang out. Of course I was a little disappointed, but I didn't argue it. We talked on the phone while he drove over to his friends'. I'd like to say that I never interfere with him and his friends. I let him go spend time with them whenever he wants, even if I know he's seen them all day at school, and it'll interfere with the time we may have to talk between him getting home from school and going to work. Anyway, he said he'd only be gone a few hours and then we could skype again. This was 10:00 this morning. It is now 4:30, theres no sign of him coming home, and I am now gone from home for the evening. I texted him a couple hours ago saying that I thought we'd have more time together today, but all I got was a simple "Sorry", about an hour later (he's not so good at texting). Am I wrong to be upset about this? Is it unreasonable of me to ask that sometimes, he chooses to stay in and skype with me (like when we haven't had much time in a few days, and he said he would)?

[Mellow]

It is hard to say whether your reaction to this is "wrong" or "right". I don't think there is a proper answer to that. It is only logical that you would wonder what he is up to in this case. It is only natural. What if something happened to him and thats why he couldn't skype you? I can only imagine the thoughts of worries running around in your head. But... You might want to ask yourself; does he do this often? If it only happened once or twice, maybe it is a good idea not to make to big of a fuss about it. Even though it would've been nice if he told you earlier that he wasn't going to make it anymore today.
If it does happen again, you might want to sit down and talk to him about it. Well, even if it didn't happen often, it is not a bad thing to tell him how you felt today.
I personally don't think that it is unreasonable to ask that he stays in sometimes, but I do think that you should do the same. Both sides would have to make a sacrifice every now and then to get more time to talk to each other. So, if you ask him to stay to talk with you instead of going out, hanging with his friends, then wouldn't it be a good thing if you did the same for him every now and then?

[alittlemind]

Thank you for your response! You are right, me being upset is probably just me worrying. He hasn't responded to me in over 2 hours. He doesn't understand that sometimes I just need him to let me know what's going on. He doesn't often say he is going to skype with me, and then not show up. But then again it is usually me that initiates skype dates when it's not our usual hours. He has however said he was going to call me, and didn't. But in those cases he texted me to let me know. I am also the one that will schedule when I hang out with my friends so it does not interfere with us talking. It is very rarely I do what I did last night. Don't get me wrong, he is very invested in our relationship, and puts lots of effort in to show he cares. It's mostly the staying in touch part he has trouble with. He just gets carried away and doesn't realize the time going by. It's just frustrating that this time it's been longer than usual where he doesn't text me back.

[Mellow]

Yeah, I really can relate to that frustrated feeling of yours. It really is something that can ruin your day. Sometimes I wonder if it is the fact that boys will be boys in the end. (okay, not every boy is like this, of course) But a lot of boys seem so careless. Relaxed and not so worried about "little" things like this. Maybe it'll get better when he ages, maybe it doesn't. It can go both ways. My SO is king in texting back hours later then intended and even though he really did try to change it a little, I'm just trying to learn how to live with it. Gets better after awhile, thankfully.
Is it a good thing to try to distract yourself a little as well, when this happens? At least you won't be thinking about the frustrated feelings all the time if you succeed

[Black_Halloween]

Wait, you ditched him to hangout with friends and thats okay but when he does it to you its an issue??

[alittlemind]

That's not what I'm saying. I did not ditch him. I am the one who rarely goes out, and when I will not make it for regular skype dates, I let him know. My problem here is that he is out most often with his friends, and we planned to skype today. He ran off after 15 minutes to go hang out with his friend, and said he'd be back in a couple hours. He didn't text me to say he wouldn't make it. I don't know where you got the impression that I think it's okay for me to go out but he can't. I don't mind at all that he goes out all the time, I just think, that once in a blue moon, like in this situation where we hadn't had an actual conversation in a few days, is it unreasonable for me to ask him to have him for a few hours?

[vanessamechelle]

I don't think it's wrong for you to be upset! I know that when my boyfriend goes out and does stuff when we planned on talking for a while, I get upset. It happens a lot with my boyfriend and I. We will make plans to talk and then one of us will end up having to do something or our friends will ask us to hangout. I don't go out that often, but when I do my boyfriend is so understanding! It makes me feel bad when I get upset when he does something, but I just have to tell myself that it's normal to go hangout with friends, and sometimes plans change. My boyfriend is also really bad at texting back sometimes, and it always worries me because I'm not there with him!

[rubydissolution]

Wait, you ditched him to hangout with friends and thats okay but when he does it to you its an issue??

I can see why BH thought this was the issue from your original post, because that's how I read it as well. You didn't clarify that you don't go out much and that he does it frequently. Some people are just more social then others. While you prefer to stay home, he likes to go out. You can't expect someone to change the way they operate just because they are in a relationship. Short of making more time for you and less time for them nothing else should change. Otherwise you lose your individuality.

I haven't been in school for a while, but I remember how little time you actually got to spend with your friends in school. Yea you get to socialize, but that's really about it. I feel like in most guys cases they want to hang out, play Call of Duty and eat pizza rolls. So I understand his need to hang out with his friends outside of school. Its guy time. Like most video games its really easy to lose track of time, and extremely hard to text while playing. My SO plays CoD with his brother...he loses track of time often and gives me one word texts when I try to talk to him. It's the nature of the beast.

If skype time means so much to you, set a day and time aside, make a real date of it. Tell him how much it means to you that you spend this quality time with him. And let him know that if he cancels his plans short of something like a last minute concert or an emergency its going to hurt you, and you will be mad about it. Instead of just being like, "yea ok go hang out with your friends", speak up, stand up for yourself. Tell him it's NOT ok for him to run off and cancel plans. Being passive isn't going to help the situation. I'm not saying to do this all the time because he is entitled to guy time, but when the situation warrants it then say something.

[Swederica]

That's not what I'm saying. I did not ditch him. I am the one who rarely goes out, and when I will not make it for regular skype dates, I let him know. My problem here is that he is out most often with his friends, and we planned to skype today. He ran off after 15 minutes to go hang out with his friend, and said he'd be back in a couple hours. He didn't text me to say he wouldn't make it. I don't know where you got the impression that I think it's okay for me to go out but he can't. I don't mind at all that he goes out all the time, I just think, that once in a blue moon, like in this situation where we hadn't had an actual conversation in a few days, is it unreasonable for me to ask him to have him for a few hours?

You're justified in being upset in my opinion.
I personally have a pet peeve with people who make appointments and promises and don't follow up on them. The least he could do, imo, is text you and tell you "I'm sorry, I won't be able to talk to you today for x reason".
I feel it just builds up unnecessary distrust and confusion over something that could be so easy to prevent.