Needs Help.. =(

[Emma-Louise]

What do you do when your family (Parents) and your best friends are constantly telling you that your feelings aren't real and your relationship will never work..?

I need help here.. Cause I'm losing my mind.. Do I ingore them all or listen to them..?
Losing my boyfriend could kill me.. I love him more than anything.. But I can't be fighting with everyone all the time..

What do I do..?

[LadyMarchHare]

It's impossible to ignore people you're around all the time. My suggestion is talk about him less or not at all. If you don't provoke the harassment, chances are they'll forget, think you broke up, or just get over it. If they ask about him you can choose to give a vague answer or not answer at all.

No one, and I do mean no one, but you has any right on this Earth to say whether or not your feelings or real. The relationship's working is entirely up to you and your boyfriend, not them. None of them can predict the future, none of them know him or at least do not know him to the extent you do. You know you love him, you know he loves you. In the end, that's all that matters and everyone else in the world can take two and not call you in the morning.

Believe me, I'm going through the same thing. My mother hates my boyfriend because he's black and she swears up and down he'll be like my father (who abused me). I wasn't even allowed to tell my family but my mom gabbed to everyone that I was 'stood up' when our plans to have me visit in May didn't happen. She even told my Godmother we broke up. My best friend is two-faced about it. She's happy that I'm happy, but she's also insanely jealous, she thinks he's turning me 'ghetto' (he's not even ghetto, wth...) and she believes all the both of us are here for is sex and he'll kill me when he gets bored. It's the very reason I joined this forum, to have support SOMEWHERE since the people surrounding me were spitting on his name.

But like I said, the less you bring him up the better because while we all want to gush about our loved ones, silence is better than tears and a feeling of betrayal.

[Butterfly-x]

You need to remind yourself that its your feelings and your heart, not theirs. In the end, what matters is your love for your SO, and if they are not willing to accept it then you've just gotta stay strong, keep ignoring and you ll end up proving them wrong.
Focus on whats important. Dont let their bad opinions ruin whats important for you.

Best wishes!

[JoMarie]

I'm not sure how people could say your feelings at real when you say "I could die without him." Obviously you do have REAL feelings for him. Some people really just don't understand LDRs, and you'll have to get used to that fact. You could not bring him up, and let people assume what they will, but in the end that's not support for you. I feel like you need to think things through. DO you really love him, and does he love you? If so that should give you the strength the keep pushing forward. Is it worth feeling betrayed by your friends and family? You do have supporters here because we have ALL been there.

[Emma-Louise]

Thank you.. <3 =]

[JoMarie]

Keep us updated on how things go for you.

[Emma-Louise]

I will.. Thank you.. <3

[MTK]

If you really do love him with all your heart and he is the one for you then i think you should disregard all the bad things people say. They are not worth your time if they continue to belittle your relationship if you have told them to stop and that this is the real thing.
In my opinion talking about him less might give the impression that you are ashamed of him and that the people that is against the relationship is correct.
People are going to have different opinions and some won't agree with you, and i think that wasting your time worrying about those who are not happy for you is not a good way to use your energy.

[LadyMarchHare]

If you really do love him with all your heart and he is the one for you then i think you should disregard all the bad things people say. They are not worth your time if they continue to belittle your relationship if you have told them to stop and that this is the real thing.
In my opinion talking about him less might give the impression that you are ashamed of him and that the people that is against the relationship is correct.
People are going to have different opinions and some won't agree with you, and i think that wasting your time worrying about those who are not happy for you is not a good way to use your energy.

No offense, but I'd don't think people are gonna say she's ashamed of him. I don't talk about my guy at all with anyone anymore because of the crap I was getting and my mom and best friend, the worst offenders, still know I'm madly in love with him. My mom knows when I receive his texts, she knows when I've talked to him, it gets written all over the face and if she wants to start the fight about it that's on her but I am not gonna provoke anything just to care whether or not someone thinks I'm ashamed of my relationship or not. It goes hand in hand with not caring what others think regarding the relationship.

[Emma-Louise]

I think my parents may be taking it too far now.. I was supposed to go and see him today.. Which is simply by train and I had the money to go and his parents agreed I could go to their house today.. and then all of a sudden my mom said No. I couldn't go. And she gave no reason why and no excuse that would get in the way of us meeting up.. I may be just excusing my family because I'm hurt but it seems like they're using their parental power to keep us apart.. which in turn is tearing me apart..

I try not to talk about him too much when I'm with my friends as after the first couple of months one of my closest friend just started to hate me for it.. Even now, the sheer mention of his name cause her to roll her eyes.. It's hurtful because I'd love for them to get along, and as for my family.. They ask about him.. And when I respond with 'We're still together' or 'Yeah we're great' All I get back is, 'You know, you're not going to be with this one guy forever.. You and him will split' It's like they have such little faith in my relationship.

Thank you for all the advice.. I just wish they'd all grow up..

[MTK]

No offense, but I'd don't think people are gonna say she's ashamed of him. I don't talk about my guy at all with anyone anymore because of the crap I was getting and my mom and best friend, the worst offenders, still know I'm madly in love with him. My mom knows when I receive his texts, she knows when I've talked to him, it gets written all over the face and if she wants to start the fight about it that's on her but I am not gonna provoke anything just to care whether or not someone thinks I'm ashamed of my relationship or not. It goes hand in hand with not caring what others think regarding the relationship.

I would have a problem with my mom/parents/best friends if they are not happy for me when i am in a relationship. To me, that is people who are not worth being with, people who can't be happy for me even if i don't follow their rules and preconcieved notions of what i should do with me life.
In my opinion, by not telling you are letting them win, you are letting their hatred and ignorance rule your life in a way. Sure, these people might mean a lot to you but in the end sometimes you will have to make a choice that is not going to be easy, live your life for yourself or live if for others, doing whatever to make them happy.

EDIT:
Sounds like you got it real tough, Emma-louise. I am sorry to hear that your mom said no to your visit. Can i ask how old you are?
Also, it doesn't sound like your friends aren't really your friends. They are not supporting you when you need it the most.

[OneForTheRomance]

I agree with what some others have said. You may just have to keep your lived separated. Try to keep your family out of your relationship, and as well, when you are with him, don;t think about your family. I think that eventually when they see that time has passed you are still together, they will eventually come around. Then maybe when he is visiting you can all do things together and they will see how in love you are. I assume you are also young, so it is easy for them to think that things aren't going to work out. Don't stress so much. Relationships are supposed to be fun, even long distance ones. Don't let it get to you.

[LadyMarchHare]

MTK: There's a difference between not telling them at all and not starting drama because you have to deal with these people more. That's like walking past a wasp nest every day and getting stung while going home and saying it's gonna bother you to go another way to avoid getting stung. It's not having people rule your life because you have the common courtesy for both parties (i.e. you and the naysayer) to leave a sensitive subject alone and letting the one with the actual problem get the choice of whether or not they want to be immature and pick at a scab.

Emma, did you already have the train ticket? If so that's seriously a waste of money, especially if you paid for it. I kinda hate suggesting this since I know some parents go so far as to change locks on kids when they do this, but would there be a way to call a cab service to get to the station if it's not too late? That aside, it does sound like they need to really grow up. Adults do not act that way, especially towards their children no matter what. If it's that big of a problem I'd see about family counseling somehow so you guys can talk it out in an office with a third party there to intervene and try and give advice and an unbiased opinion.

[Emma-Louise]

Thanks so much.. But my mom just walked in and told me that I'm never allowed go to where he lives again.. And that if he wants to come see me thats fine by her but I'm not allowed go see him. Also I'm 16.. I know it's quite young. But my parents should understand the way I feel.. They've been together since they were 14..

[MTK]

@LadymarchHare: I don't see how it is immature to want to talk about your SO, they are being immature by rolling their eyes and not acting like grown ups.
I still see it as people ruling a certain aspect of your life and i don't see it as common courtesy that you have to bite your tongue if you want to talk about your SO. To me i would rather talk about this and call people out on. I would sit whoever down and talk to the person about it as my SO is very important and i wouldn't let anybody talk bad about her nor would i listen to them say that it's not going to work.

Emma-Louise: Okay, well that small good thing here is that he can come see you, right? Then you should work towards that, and then he can meet your parents and talk with them and they can see that he isn't so bad as they thought.