Am I getting in over my head?

A few months ago I began talking with a young man who lives 3,000 miles away from me. It stated out as nothing, and we were just friends. However, as time has past, we have grown to really trust each other and we talk every day. We also skype and message one another on Facebook. so basically, we are always trying our best to keep in contact.

I have never been in what I consider to be a real relationship because before meeting Dylan I never felt like any guy I would see understood me in any level. Now like i said, Dylan and I talk daily, and our connection feels so real...but Im starting to get scared that im devoting too much time to him...For example, today we barely spoke at all and then I saw a facebook post he'd made about seeing his friends and I got a little, not jealous but more like sad. I missed him today and I just wanted to hear his voice...But im worried that makes me sound needy, and clingy and what not. Yet I am the first person to say that he and I need to maintain our current friendships, because we cant always just only talk to each other...
With that said, I know he has a much larger social circle than I do and I am not about to tell him that I want all of his attention because I dont...I just wish I had things to keep me less focused on how far away he is...

The point im trying to get to with all of this rambling, is that I am worried being in a possible LDR is going to effect my independence in some way... and i cant tell if I'm actually being too clingy or if i am just seriously over thinking everything and not thoroughly enjoying the times we do get to talk for hour on end....

:/

[alizee]

I think you should set some "dates" in which you can talk. I mean you can not stay all day to just talk to him, and he also can*t because this will ruin your other daily activities and you will both get mad at one another. Dont*t you two have school, jobs or other daily activities???? I believe if you 2 continue to talk daily and endlessly you will get fed of each other easily and you will also get stressed, because talking everyday mean letting go of other things to do!!!! I know this might sound stupid (in the beginning of my LDR I used to think like you, but this forum has helped me a lot and I started to see things more freely), but give yourselves time to breath and to continue with you own lives .... and, as I have said this before what*s important it*s the quality if the conversation/ communication and not the quantity!!!!
I mean, just try talking 3-5 days/ week, but not for a long time, just 1.5-2.5 hours and believe me it will do you both good!!!! YOU MUST GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE, AND HE MUST DO THAT TOO, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT TOGETHER PHYSICALLY YET!!!!
My SO has a more intense social life than I do and every time he tells me he goes out I tell him to have a good time (although I do get a little jealous, but I never showed that to him), because I am thinking this way - what else should he do over there, when I am not around ???? I mean, I wouldn*t want him to stay in the house just because I am his girlfriend. That*s not a sign of respect ... let him be opened and have a good time and just being in such a good mood it will make you 2 have quality time when talking!!!!

[kikidee]

Are you guys both in school or have a job or something? It sounds like you are just questioning all the things many of us did before we got into a long distance relationship because in some ways, it takes a lot more dedication. There are some days you may only talk for a night or a few hours because you will find that life really gets in the way. My SO, depending on his work schedule in the air force, may only get to talk to me for a few hours a day. Today, I only got a few text messages from him because he had such a long work schedule and only 10 hours in between. (It's a busy schedule this week)

It's hard at first but to be honest, you actually start to get used to it. You have to ask yourself if you REALLY love/care about him and want to give this relationship a shot. For what I did, and what some others here did was that we decided to wait until our first real life meet up to make things official. Then you can see if you can live without him, or feel the distance is worth it. For everyone in a relationship on LFAD, we all know that although LDR are hard, our SO's are worth it.

Like alizee above me said, make date nights/time on certain days where you spend time with each other and are focused on each other. That way you both won't just jump up and leave because you'll make sure you are free for that time. I think I covered everything from my point of view,
If you ever have questions or support, I'm here!

[mocha]

I agree with alizee 100%. I know how you feel because ive felt the same way....and a small part of me still does ;-(. BUT when me and my bf were talking everyday I noticed that I HAVE let some things slip. My business partner would talk to me about something or want to have a meeting and id be off in LALA Land thinking about my BF. Id text him off and on throughout the meeting. I couldnt get him out of my head. Love can be really addicting sometimes lol. Honestly I was feeling just as smothered as he was. Im less stressed and emotional now that we dont talk all the time everyday. I am very independent and I LOVE my me time. I started to get annoyed with myself and worrying all the time if I was mentally stimulating enough for him...if he still found me interesting....a whole bunch of insecure nonsense really. At the end of the day I realized we spoke too often.
It is difficult and all those thoughts about getting in over my head are now gone...its good for me and him to not be so caught up in our own little world.

I over think things too...and dont worry. Everything will work out and setting times and dates when to talk is a good idea. Don't put too much pressure on the scheduled times because things do happen. Just think about how much you do love each other and hope for the best. Stay busy and you'll be even more excited and enjoy the moments you do communicate when it does happen. This is what I tell myself anyway...wish all the best.

We are all here for you! Come to the forums when you are bothered about things and you'll feel so much better. With all the stories, questions and discussions it will help put things in better perspective. Hang in there! *hugz*

[blueorchid1]

First off, thank you for all of the support and encouragement, I really do appreciate it.

He and I do both have jobs, and I am I'm college full time as well. He works for his family business so he doesn't really have like a totally set schedule, whereas i work the night shift four days a week (Friday night - Monday night)....i guess because I have really enjoyed speaking to him all the time I kind of have let things slip in my own life...I missed a class this week because I over slept because I talking to him and then doing all of this extra research about LDRs.... On a normal day, when I'm working, I have to sleep for 6-8 hours during the day so that I'm rested enough for work again the next night. This in itself makes it difficult for us to Skype a lot or talk because add in his three hour tome difference and he is usually staying up well into the night just to talk with me for an hour on Skype...

I kind of get what each of you said about having an understanding that we won't always be able to talk all of the time... And it totally makes sense because yes, I would never expect him to drop his friends just because I can't hang out with them too, and I know that he wants me to be able to pursue my education without being worried about the time we do or don't spend talking to one another....As I said earlier, i guess its just hard for me to adjust to this new connection between he and I when he isn't physically here..

One thing that he and I have really discussed is having him fly to see me for new years so that we can meet and see if an LDR is something we truly wish to pursue;however, in the meantime he and joke around that we are in relationship limbo haha.

So yeah, I'll definitely talk to him about setting days where we can both set aside a time frame to just catch up and talk and be silly on Skype while also trying to just talk a little bit via text or phone....he really is a very supportive guy, and I'm sure that hell be open to any suggestions I present...

thanks again so much...I feel like having this community behind me makes it so much easier because I'm learning I'm not alone in what I'm feeling

[alizee]

yes, I know that talking to him feels so good inside, that*s why we all put so much soul into our LDRs because we feel it*s worth it. I mean if we didn*t have that "spark" when talking to him, why would be bother???? That*s why LDRs are so hard - because you feel a great connection with the guy and you start to miss him a lot, and you can*t have him by your side physically!!!! I*ve been through that and I also wanted to talk to him all day long but he is a little laid back, has a stressful job and did not want/ feel like talking everyday ... and now I realize it the best thing we could do!!!!
I am meeting him tomorrow for the first time and I am so nervous and all my negative thoughts go racing in my head .... I don*t know what is he feeling !!! He might be as stressed as me, as he*s human too ... So, fingers crossed for me!!!

[mocha]

New Years sounds like a perfect time to meet. All the excitement in the air and everyone in high spirits....and counting down together. Hope you guys have a magical time together! ;-)

Alizee!!!! Tomorrow?!?? Wow!! Please post all about it for us!! Sometimes I watch the youtube videos of LDR couples meeting for the first time. *sigh* so beautiful!

[alizee]

New Years sounds like a perfect time to meet. All the excitement in the air and everyone in high spirits....and counting down together. Hope you guys have a magical time together! ;-)

Alizee!!!! Tomorrow?!?? Wow!! Please post all about it for us!! Sometimes I watch the youtube videos of LDR couples meeting for the first time. *sigh* so beautiful!

Yes tomorrow! It is beautiful, but it*s also a lot of stress related to the meeting ... it*s a mix of feelings - happiness, fear, shyness, anxiety, excitement .... I feel like I am high and foating ... and I do have so many "what ifs in my head"!!!! He will be staying 5 days (as we have the same hometown, where I still live in) and I am clueless about what we will do and how will we act with each other ... it*s a lot of uncertainty !!!!

[mocha]

I see what you mean but love conquers all my dear. If you have a fire place or get a little fire going outside at the park or something you can have a mini "what ifs" funeral lol. You could write down all the what ifs on small pieces of paper and put them in a shoe box. Then you can read em out loud, laugh about it and throw them in the fire. Maybe he could do the same thing real quick. It could be a great way to share all the different emotions and uncertainties you experienced before you met.

I'm sure you'll be so happy to see each other it won't even matter what you do together. Have fun!

[blueorchid1]

Alizee that is really exciting ha...I feel like I will act the same way when he and I meet in person for the first time! I look forward to hearing all about your meeting with your SO, and I truly wish you the best of luck

And mocha, I'm not even going to lie ha, since I started realizing there was a strong chance he and I would meet and have a LDR, I watch those videos too ha....and I even get nervous for the person waiting, as if I'm there with them and I'm always rooting for them to be happy and excited haha

[alizee]

@ mocha and blueorchid1 Thank you for all your good thoughts and wishes!!! I really need some encouragement right now, as, like I told you before, I feel like I am high and in my own world right now ... nothing else matters now, just my meeting with him!!!
I don*t know if we can talk about all those fears and insecurities during our meeting... he is a little more opened about he*s life than me (I am more introverted) and I find it hard to talk to him (I will get use to him as time passes and we know each other better) about my feelings and emotions, but I am trying to break that barrier ...

[blueorchid1]

If you have a fire place or get a little fire going outside at the park or something you can have a mini "what ifs" funeral lol. You could write down all the what ifs on small pieces of paper and put them in a shoe box. Then you can read em out loud, laugh about it and throw them in the fire. Maybe he could do the same thing real quick. It could be a great way to share all the different emotions and uncertainties you experienced before

I can't even tell you how great this idea is! I am always analyzing things and situations and I always come up with the craziest "what if" scenarios!

I think I will definitely be using this idea before I meet my limbo LDR!! I can totally picture him laughing and enjoying the whole thing ha. It's exactly as you say mocha, it's a chance to show and get rid of any standing insecurity at the same time!

[blueorchid1]

I am trying to break that barrier ...

Alizee, this is all anyone can ask
And it's good that you understand your barriers and that you are willing to at least try and explore those issues! I think it takes a lot of courage to tell someone about your insecurities. I mentioned my guy possibly liking something like this because I am very much a worrier, and he is always asking me to try my best to just enjoy the moments and stop analyzing each detail ha....

But like I said, it's awesome and most important that you do you to the best of your ability I'm sure it'll just make his feelings for you even stronger!

[alizee]

Alizee, this is all anyone can ask
And it's good that you understand your barriers and that you are willing to at least try and explore those issues! I think it takes a lot of courage to tell someone about your insecurities. I mentioned my guy possibly liking something like this because I am very much a worrier, and he is always asking me to try my best to just enjoy the moments and stop analyzing each detail ha....

But like I said, it's awesome and most important that you do you to the best of your ability I'm sure it'll just make his feelings for you even stronger!

You may be true, but I just think that he will see me as weak, too needy and too emotional. Maybe he is a stronger man (and men are not that emotional right?! I don*t know!) and he will laugh at me just telling him all my weaknesses ... but he did tell me from time to time that he felt alone and invited me to come over (but I said it was too early and he understood! ) and also he told me that he cried seeing Seven Pounds with Will Smith. And I am just thinking myself - what guy would tell a girl/ woman that he cried at a movie??? He might be emotional just like me, but it is still hard to pour my heart out to him ...

[mocha]

I can't even tell you how great this idea is! I am always analyzing things and situations and I always come up with the craziest "what if" scenarios!

I think I will definitely be using this idea before I meet my limbo LDR!! I can totally picture him laughing and enjoying the whole thing ha. It's exactly as you say mocha, it's a chance to show and get rid of any standing insecurity at the same time!

Omg! Blue mee too! Lol I'm always trying to analyze everything and think of every variable and think of every possible outcome! My BF is always telling me to stop being such a worrier but I can't help it. I am trying and he gives me such good advice. He helps me with this all the time.

I plan to do the same idea. It just popped in my head. Idk what he will think or say since he is so laid back. I'm just hoping he will kiss me until I melt into a puddle afterwards. Maybe we will make smores over the fire hehe.*awwwz*