He never checks his facebook, gets on skype, or emails

[pytsip]

Ok, it has been over 2 weeks since I talked to my SO. A while ago, I told him that I wanted us to be able to at least talk every week and he agreed. We set up a time and day that we would always be online to talk. And while we did it for about the first two weeks, after that he became unreliable and was hardly ever on when we had planned to be on, however, I usually would talk to him at least once ever week, just by randomly catching him. Now however, it's over 2 weeks since I've talked to him. I've sent him emails and he hasn't returned them, I've wrote on his facebook wall, and he hasn't check it, and he hasn't been on skype at all.

I don't know how to get it across to him that I need him to be more open to communication and to stick by the plans that we have, because I don't want to sound like a broken record and I feel like I shouldn't have to since we have already had this conversation before. I just don't know what to do.

[Rhiavaan]

He is taking you for granted my dear. Do to him what he is doing to you, maybe then he'll realize 'hey, she might not always be here, I best try to keep her around.' And if Sean did that I'd probably flood his phone with texts and voice messages asking him wtf is wrong with him.

[dynomitegurl]

Hi there, I can definitely understand what you mean. My fiance and I had this trouble where he didn't know why I was always on him about making sure we talked. After a talk explaining to him the importance of talking or trying to talk everyday ( because sometimes plans,work, or life in general can get in the way). I told him that especially in LDRs I dont have the good times of being able to talk to him whenever I want like when we visit each other and that its important to communicate often even if it's only a short time each day. As per that talk a while ago things have gotten better and his is better at making sure we at least talk as often as we possibly can. We are lucky that hopefully by end of Sept or beginning of Oct he will be here in WA and we wont have to deal with making times to talk! Good luck. hope this helped abit. Feel free to PM if ya need any advice or such xx

[pytsip]

I would flood his phone, if he had one, he left it here because of the costs of having an international phone in china. I don't know if he's so much as taking me for granted, I mean, his sister and his parents keep telling me that he doesn't get a hold of them at all. I'm pretty much the person he talks to the most while he's there, but at the same time, I need more. i can't take this 2 weeks without talking to him. And I guess it's probably since he's just busy or something, because I tend to see if he's done any kind of activity on facebook, and he hasn't so my guess is that he just hasn't been on his computer, but at the same time, I just feel like i constantly need to ask for him to be more communicative.

[Rhiavaan]

well, in that case my dear, I suggest a hobby. Yes, men can be butts and they do need to be kicked to know things. Tell him that being in an LDR requires communication and if he is not going to take the time to at least email to let you know.

[alise120]

OMG! I'm practically going through the same thing. My SO does the same number; he'll disappear for days or weeks and not contact me at all. Then he will reappear talking to me like the "silence" didn't get to him. I hate it too seeings that it makes me oblivious to what is going on with him and his surroundings. I miss him alot behind his absences that it hurts sometimes to even think about him. Sometimes I just want to STRANGLE and BURY him alive behind it.....but I have no choice because he tries his best to keep in contact with me, despite his busy hectic schedule (.....ugh).

I really don't know what to tell you right now since you already tried to drill the communication skills into his head, pytsip, but have hope that he will change his habits. Just be thankful that he keeps in contact with you at all. He'll have to come around sometime, anyway.

[Arzades]

Yes definitely, communication is necessary. As often as you can. It doesn't have to be all the time, no, but it needs to be as often as possible, for as long as you both can. Now, yes, there will be extremes to one end or the other, sometimes you'll only be able to talk for a few minutes, and some times you'll be able to talk for hours and hours, but the effort needs to be made on both ends to communicate.

[paulawriteslove]

You should try to keep yourself busy until he pops up again. When you do talk to him, tell him how important communication is in your relationship - and how you need it.

[LadyMarchHare]

Is he busy at all, such as a job? Plus if he's in China and you're in the US, that's a huge time difference and can be difficult to work around when one or both of you has things you have to do during your days that are decent night hours for them. Also, don't ever flood the phone, spam his e-mail, or leave a bazillion messages wherever he can see them if/when he checks these places. It's not the way to get across you need to talk and you come off as clingy and obsessive, believe me I learned the hard way. You're making them want to talk to you less when you do these things.

Lapses in communication time happen. When you catch him next ask why he's been silent. If it's indeed something like work or life in general, ask that he maybe let you know if/when he can so you aren't wondering if you did something wrong. If it isn't, like mentioned before, stress to him the importance of communication, CLEAR communication not only to help the relationship but to help put you at ease.

[alise120]

Is he busy at all, such as a job? Plus if he's in China and you're in the US, that's a huge time difference and can be difficult to work around when one or both of you has things you have to do during your days that are decent night hours for them. Also, don't ever flood the phone, spam his e-mail, or leave a bazillion messages wherever he can see them if/when he checks these places. It's not the way to get across you need to talk and you come off as clingy and obsessive, believe me I learned the hard way. You're making them want to talk to you less when you do these things.

Same here with learning not to flood him with messages (sometimes threathening messages lol). I used to do that all the time but, like you, I learned it the hard way too.

Pytsip, LadyMarchHare is totally right!

[pytsip]

well I'd probably not blow up his phone, but I'd probably at least call him once, it'd just make this whole thing easier. I definitely think that it's because of his job, and the fact that he's been really stressed out about his visa situation, which is also a reason that he might not be available, since every 30 days he has to travel to Hong Kong or Macai in order to renew his visa. But still, it's just stressful and I feel like he just doesn't realize how important it is to me. Like everyone else is saying, even just a "hey, how's everything going? I love you but I'm busy just wanted to say hi." would be sufficient. Just to know that I'm still thought of, that he's not dead or in jail, etc.

[MTK]

Going weeks without contact shows a lack effort on his part in my opinion because you have already stated how important communication is to you.
Even with time differences and a job there still should be time to at the very least send you and email to let you know that he is ok, so you don't have to worry about him, if he is safe or whatever.
I can understand if you spam him as it's your way of expressing concern because i see it as you being past the point of being needy or clingy as you haven't heard from him in weeks and you have cause for concern because he is in a different country and you don't know what is going on with him. If you saw him every day then flooding him with messages might be a tad on the clingy side.

[noodle]

I completely understand how you feel
So did I get this right, you said he's not gettin a hold with his family as well, right? I do consider that as weird O_o
Maybe his internet doesnt work anymore? Does he have some sort of phone at the place he is stayin?

[LadyMarchHare]

well I'd probably not blow up his phone, but I'd probably at least call him once, it'd just make this whole thing easier. I definitely think that it's because of his job, and the fact that he's been really stressed out about his visa situation, which is also a reason that he might not be available, since every 30 days he has to travel to Hong Kong or Macai in order to renew his visa. But still, it's just stressful and I feel like he just doesn't realize how important it is to me. Like everyone else is saying, even just a "hey, how's everything going? I love you but I'm busy just wanted to say hi." would be sufficient. Just to know that I'm still thought of, that he's not dead or in jail, etc.

That has to cost a ton, that monthly travel. But yeah, next time you see him I'd express these concerns because even though you're not experiencing his stress chances are you're stressed that he's stressed and with such distance + loneliness it can become really hard. My SO doesn't reply to most texts I send but he did tell me once he reads them all regardless and they help him through the tough times more than he wants to admit so even though I'm not getting talked to (which, believe me, I don't like going as long as I do without a 'hi' ) it does make me feel better that I'm helping him a bit. But if he can, ask he try to at least e-mail you a little more frequently that way he can kind of return the favor.

[pytsip]

I completely understand how you feel
So did I get this right, you said he's not gettin a hold with his family as well, right? I do consider that as weird O_o
Maybe his internet doesnt work anymore? Does he have some sort of phone at the place he is stayin?

No, he doesn't have a phone, he uses skype, and his skype is kinda funky and doesn't always work. For instance, he is on skype right now, I sent him a chat message about 30 minutes ago and it has been pending for the past 30 minutes.