Are you friends with your SO on Facebook/Twitter?

[silvermoonfairy3]

I had an ex (not LD) that didn't have facebook, or twitter. In some ways, it was actually kinda nice, because it eliminates a lot of that "who is girl A that comments on everything he posts??" type of unnecessary drama questions in your head.

With my current LD guy, for the most part, I don't get upset seeing his tweets; in fact, often it makes me feel close to him, like I'm a little more part of his life. But sometimes it works against me. Last week he was on holiday with a female friend, and while everything seemed platonic and he was super sweet and reassuring about it all, there were just times that I saw pics of cooking dinner or hanging out and was just so sad about it. (And occasionally being paranoid that he might start falling for her, because she's like me in a lot of ways, AND she's you know, in the same country..)

I tried to take a bit of a twitter hiatus so I wouldn't see stuff from their trip, even though I felt a little dumb for being so drama-y that I would need to stop looking at it. I somewhat succeeded; I still checked twitter, but not quite as much, and tried to keep worries under control.

But it just got me thinking about potential advantages of not being friends with SOs on social media.
Thoughts?

[kikidee]

Why was he with another girl for vacation and not you?... Just one question that screams in my head while reading this. Not saying he's cheating, just that I'd rather spend my vacation with my bf than a guy friend that I can see any day/weekend since they live near me.

[SJ22]

I do think Facebook causes a lot of trouble...
Its nice in one way like you said but in a LDR I think it causes jealousy or maybe more like... the voice in the back of your head wakes up

[kittyo9]

With my current SO, we are "friends" on every social media site that we share. It helps us feel connected, like sometimes we post a joke one of us said as a status and tag the other. When he is away on trips, sometimes his friends post pictures and I get excited because I get to see what he's up to and where he's been, and it makes me happy to know he's having a good time. I don't have any issues with "who is this girl posting on your wall???" or anything like that because I know my SO is not interested in anyone else and we are open and honest with each other. Sometimes I pretend I'm jealous and ask who someone is when he adds girls as friends, but I'm never actually jealous (and he knows that). It helps that he is just so busy (and poor) that he never really goes out with friends, and when he does, they're mostly guys and girls that are in a relationship (often with the guys he hangs out with) or teammates, who we have already talked about.

I had an ex who did not (and to my knowledge does not) use social media, and holy hell, I wish he had. I would have seen the shit he was pulling so much sooner and I would have gotten out of there months before I actually did.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Why was he with another girl for vacation and not you?

Money. This vacation was super cheap, just the gas to drive there basically. It was half vacation/half working. His family owns a vacation house on the ocean about 2 hours from where he lives. He and his female friend are finishing their phd's and decided to do a 'writing retreat' vacation to clear their minds and get down to work.

[RachelAnne]

We are friends on Facebook and I'll admit sometimes I get a little nosy when it comes to girls posting on his wall or tagging pictures with him, etc. I really need to stop lol. But for the most part, I don't have a problem with it. It lets me see what else is going on in his life.

[temporaryuser]

My SO had fb when we first startyed dating. Looking back, i have a feeling it was just so he could locate me. he is computer illiterate, and with his job/s (paramedic and police - when they have to go to court for a case alot of defense attorneys and employers are keeping an eye on fb) and school he just doesnt get on.

[snow]

We're friends on facebook and Steam.
I ask him sometimes if he adds new people on facebook, but mostly he tells me that he added someone and who that person is. I am really not jealous at all anymore (took me a couple months though). I like to see all the pictures people upload when he goes out, which happens rather seldom.

But I too would like to know why he's on vacation with someone else rather than with you?

[squeeker]

I could see how you would get at least a bit jealous seeing pictures of him on holiday with a female friend, even if you know that he would never think of her like that.

For me and my SO, we are friends on Facebook, and don't really use any other social networking sites, and it works for us. For both of us, we don't hang out with friends that often, and when I hang out with friends it's almost always (if not always) girls, unless a boyfriend of one of the girls decides to tag along. And for my boyfriend, he has mostly guy friends, but then since starting uni last year, he has made some female friends, and they help each other with work and things. I know I have nothing to worry about. But I also know that whenever people post on his wall, I get curious about it but he is always open with me about it. There were more jealousy things that came up in the beginning of our friendship, when we weren't in an official relationship, but we both liked each other, but we weren't sure if we should pursue a relationship.. we both put the other through some moments that caused jealousy.

Anyways, I think with some relationships, facebook can cause a lot of drama, but it can also be a useful tool for staying connected. It's my SO and I's main messaging tool, when we aren't talking on video chat, we send pictures via it, and sometimes post pictures and status's. We haven't run into a lot of problems, especially since after we officially declared our relationship.

I like it when I see pictures of my boyfriend on facebook that may have been taken by his classmates at uni, but at times some of them do make me a bit sad that I couldn't be there too or they get to hang out with him but I can't.

Facebook isn't for everyone though. If it's causing more harm than good, it might not be right for you.

[dizzyupthemeg]

Why was he with another girl for vacation and not you?.

Or maybe he just wanted a vacation with a friend? There is no crime in that. It isn't always possibly to have every vacation with your SO, especially when you are international. I'm super glad my SO doesn't expect me to spend all my vacations with him. I love the alone time with my family and friends, and a quick getaway with a bunch of girlfriends is way easier than planning a trip 2000 miles away.


Back to being on topic, we both have a facebook, but he rarely uses his. We are friends, but we aren't "facebook official" because I don't buy into that sort of thing. He's about the least jealous person on the planet, and the day he says something to me like "Why did this guy comment here?" is probably the day hell freezes over.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Or maybe he just wanted a vacation with a friend? There is no crime in that. It isn't always possibly to have every vacation with your SO, especially when you are international.

Very true. There's nothing wrong with wanting trips with friends.

I mentioned above, money was a main factor - this trip for him was just a 2ish hour drive to his family's beach house on the ocean, so a cheap quick getaway. For me to go, I'd have had to find $1700 for a plane ticket. Not in the cards at the moment! (He has said he can't wait to take me there, and show me around, and do all the romantic things like walking hand in hand on the beach, things that he isn't doing with her, so it's not like I wouldn't be invited on this type of trip.)

And also I called it "vacation" but it was a vacation/working combination. He and his friend are both at the tail end of writing their phd dissertations. He's been going crazy with final writing and revision, and I think there have been a lot of distractions just with family and regular life stress. So this was a change of scenery and a chance to just focus on writing without some of the usual-life distractions. I think he needed the break.

He's about the least jealous person on the planet, and the day he says something to me like "Why did this guy comment here?" is probably the day hell freezes over.

omg, same with Mark.. don't get me wrong, I looove that he trusts me, and I would certainly never cheat on him or do anything shady to make him jealous, but it does make me wonder why I get so jealous sometimes. lol. (Of course, I've had some trust issues in the past, so that undoubtedly effects it, but I try to remind myself that Mark hasn't done anything wrong/given me any reason at all to distrust him, so be patient, be open/honest, and try to keep the jealousy to a minimum.)

[CanadianGirl]

We have each other on facebook, and I really like the fact that our relationship status is there. Saves me the trouble/weirdness of having to spell it out for any new guy friends.

[TwoThree]

I'm on Facebook (no Twitter) but my SO doesn't do social networking. We've been joking that we should create a super secure account, no photo, no real name and I'd be his only friend, just so we can communicate more easily, but I doubt he'll ever do that. I don't mind.

[alittlemind]

My boyfriend and I both have facebook and twitter, but only have each other on facebook. Neither of us actually use twitter very often, so it's pretty unnecessary to add each other there. Then again, facebook isn't really something we use either. Sometimes we use it to keep in contact, but that's in the cases that someone's phone isn't working, and they are unavailable to get on skype. I can admit sometimes I check his "facebook wall", just to see if anything is new, and sometimes I see pictures or statuses from his friends, and he's having a good time, and although I am happy for him, I can't help but want to be there with him. I think social networking is great in a lot of ways, but also in a lot of ways it can be unhealthy depending on how you use it. When I realize I'm being a little crazy, I make sure to take a step back and stop. I think not being friends with your SO on your social media websites would be a little weird though...

[.:*Shaunna*:.]

we're both friends on facebook but neither of us have twitter-I just never got into it. As others have said it can be unhealthy if it makes you worry about things you wouldn't normally worry about if it wasnt for fb but if used right it can be another avenue to help make the separation just a little bit easier