need someone to talk to..

[zeramirsgirl]

i have been in a ldr for a little over a year. this is the first ldr ive ever been in. im a 27 yr old single mom. got divorced 4 years ago. i met my boyfriend in a chat. we started talking and we have been together since. i live in florida, he lives in puerto rico. i flew to puerto rico 3 months after we started talking, and since we have seen each other a total of 4 times in this past year. he is 6 years younger than i am. he is in college full time. and i work full time. we text all day, and usually talk at night for an hour or 2. but lately things have been really bad. we do NOTHING but argue. we argue every single time we talk. and we have not talked on the phone in 3 days...we have txt very little today and yesterday, only to talk about if we should break up or not. i love him so much. i love him more than i ever thought i could love anyone. we are so happy when we are together. i dont want to lose him..i really dont. but the fighting is tearing us apart.
now to the little problems we have. there is a lot of jealousy in the relationship. and trust is an issue. he does a lot of stuff on the internet, and i have caught things that he has done..like asking for girls emails and phone numbers to get to know them. i busted him, he apologized and we move on..only to the next time. we each have facebook and myspace. we are not even on each other profiles. i just was tired of seeing him commenting about how amazing other girls look in their photos. i mean he says those things to me, tells me a look amazing just like the next girl. everything he does online is like a secret. recently i opened up to him and told him i want to share everything, and i want him to be open with me. i want to share facebook with him, so we can somewhat feel like a normal couple. but he hasnt done it yet. it sounds childish, but when all you have in your relationship is a computer and a cellphone...i want to make the most of each. i dont think that he is cheating on me. but its hard when him and i met online, and he does things that i dont know about, bcuz i cant see or be apart of anything, it makes me not trust him totally. and my guard is up.

i love him so much. he has 1 year of college left and he is going to move in with me when he is done with school. he wants to marry me and wants to have kids with me. everything is amazing when we are together. its just so hard. we are literally hanging by a thread. are conversations are dull..and there is so much silence that its unbearable.
please if you have any advice it would be much appreciated. thank u so much.

Jenny

[HMA]

I'm probably not qualified to comment on this stuff right now, but maybe you should check out the list of things for LDR couples to do. Perhaps the book of questions! If you guys are talking or doing something else, maybe you will both relax a bit and not fight for a while.
All the other stuff, him doing things online, that's all up to you, whether you're willing to deal with that or not.

[paulawriteslove]

I'm probably not qualified to comment on this stuff right now, but maybe you should check out the list of things for LDR couples to do. Perhaps the book of questions! If you guys are talking or doing something else, maybe you will both relax a bit and not fight for a while.
All the other stuff, him doing things online, that's all up to you, whether you're willing to deal with that or not.

I completely agree! Asking each other fun questions can stop the fighting. This site has good questions https://www.isavo.net/

For the whole trust issue, that can be a problem. An idea I have, is to talk to him and for him to tell you what he consider's flirting and what you consider flirting. He may not think commenting girls photos is considered flirting, but you on the other hand, do think that's flirting. You should try talk it out in a fun way, not in an intense serious way.

Best of luck!

[LadyMarchHare]

From the sounds of it he's not someone you should be with. I always consider physical age different from mental age, i.e. how they act, and it seems your guy has not grown up out of his teenage years enough to be completely serious about this relationship. It's disrespectful to you as his girlfriend and as a woman in general to have him asking for numbers, chatting up other girls, and paying them the same compliments he gives you. Trust is one of the most valuable things to have in a relationship, ESPECIALLY a LDR, and you're not being given a reason to trust him. There's no excuse for the behavior, bottom line.

As for the arguments, whatever subject(s) is/are being fought over the most need addressing in a calm manner whether you write him a long e-mail about it, send a handwritten letter, whatever. Getting your feelings on the subject(s) is what's important because fighting does not fix things and things gets said in the heat of the moment you regret. Also try distancing yourself when an argument is about to happen/is happening. If you're texting then don't text back and wait until you're calm. If he continues texting, ignore them. If you're on the phone/IM, tell him you realize you're both upset and want to spare yourselves the anger and you'll talk to him later when you've had time to chill.

But me, with that whole other women thing, he'd be a gone pecan. Regardless of if he's cheating, he's disrespecting me, disregarding my wishes, and being an idiot.

[MTK]

Prehaps the distance is taking it's toll on you and that is why you have been arguing a lot. You should talk with each other about where the jealousy and trust issues stems from and if it has any roots in real life or if you are just being worried about nothing at all.
Also, talking with your boyfriend about the fact that him making those comments to other women is making you feel uncomfortable might be a good idea as he might not know how his actions is affecting you.
The whole "you not knowing what he is doing" isn't going to change a lot when you get in a CDR, as you still won't know what he is doing when he is going out, you have to trust him and take his word for truth when he tells you something.

I would also suggest the "1000 questions for couples" book, or making up your own questions or mayhaps doing something a bit out of the ordinary as you two might have fallen into a rut and needs to be jolted from that.

[JoMarie]

No offense, and not to hurt your feelings but he kind of sounds like a jerk. I'm not sure I would want to be with someone like this. In my relationship I want to be in the know. I want to know what hes doing, and I want him to know what I'm doing. I really am not sure what advice to give, i've never been in this situation. Sorry and good luck.

[NaNi]

I have to agree with JoMarie. I wouldn't want to go through stuff like that. I don't want my SO to keep things from me - or flirt around on the internet by asking for phone numbers. That's a no go for me.

[Silviar]

No offense, but if my boyfriend was asking girls for their numbers and whatnot, that sort of disrespect would seriously make me reconsider our relationship. You've implied he's flirtatious at best, and a bit of a skirtchaser/possibly untrustworthy at worst. My question is: is he really untrustworthy, and if so, why are you with him? I get the feeling he's not ready to settled down yet, given the description given. I hope you'll give it some serious thought as to if the reasons he wants to move in with you are because of love, or if he's saying these things to get a place to live, etc. It sounds to me like you're on the alert, and I think you should trust that instinct. Something is obviously making you concerned.

Wanting to share what you can given the distance isn't crazy, it makes sense. Even though my SO doesn't like Facebook, he does have an account and we're friended. I think he gets on like once every two months. XD I'm also friends with his mom, her boyfriend, his brother, his other brother's girlfriend, and his best friend.