Significant Differences Within Partners

[TriniCherryPrincess]

I see members discussing issues related to differences in race or religion. What about other big differences that do or could cause problems? How do you deal with them?
Examples: one partner raised in a traditional household while the other was raised in a very liberal household; one partner is used to wealth while the other has to pinch pennies and stretch a dollar.

[teachernicole]

I think ours is that he's a lawyer and used to arguing anything and everything. It's not fun when we argue!

[ChrissyAl]

What I'm the most worried about is how my mom and dad will react to her clothes, hair and makeup style, because they're used to me hardly even wearing mascara for school, while she wears lots.

In addition, she's lived by herself for a while and had her own rules, kinda, and she had a daughter 2 years ago (unfortunately the daughter died before she even filled a year), she has plenty of experience with relationships whereas I have none whatsoever.

She seems like the more "chill" type of person when it comes to our relationship, and I'm the hopeless romantic that relates to every picture of a kissing couple out there, and I'm the type of person to make a book of reasons why I love her.

[princessmaria]

This is all going to sound cliche but...
My SO and I are your typical good girl falls in love with a bad guy. He isn't morally or ethically bad, but he's still rough around the edges. I can't believe I'm admitting this on a public forum but he used to sell drugs and skip school a lot. He doesn't do either of those things anymore, but compared to me (I've never done a single drug in my entire life) it's a really significant difference. Even now, sometimes when I'm around him in person and his friends I feel so terribly lame and "uncool". To me fun is reading a book, and whilst my SO is not a party animal or anything, he still engages in activities more expected by our age group.

In school he was an athlete and all of the girls loved him.
When I was in school, I was bullied relentlessly by other females and was always just considered the weird girl who read books. I was extremely shy so I didn't bother interacting with people and when I did it was so painfully awkward, lol.

I've definitely blossomed since then. Most people know me as shy still, but I'm also really caring and intelligent once you get to know me better. If not for the fact that my SO is both of those things as well, I highly doubt we would be together today. We spent a great deal of the beginning of our relationship clashing and bumping heads because we could not agree on ANYTHING! In some ways, I helped soften his view of the world and he helped me to chill out (I suffer from anxiety but he is a very, very chilled out person so he helps balance me out).

I love our differences.

[squeeker]

While we both came from somewhat conservative backgrounds, he ended up having more liberal views than me when we first met, as well as spiritually. And at first it kind of clashed, but we both would get into discussions about it.. and seeing as he came from a slightly conservative background and used to go to church and things too like me, I think it helped him know more how to approach it with me. And he helped me become more open minded. And also helped me gain the confidence to be my own person, with my own beliefs. We usually agree on almost anything now and when we don't, we can usually find a way to help it make sense to the other person, or to accept and see it from the other person's perspective and that we might be wrong.

I think that it is a good thing to have differences, because it can help us grow in certain ways. It is important to ultimately be able to come to a decision on certain beliefs, but you can have significant differences and still come to agreements. I don't know, I am just babbling, I don't have much time right now so I'll end this post now.

[Alle1770]

To me it's a good thing to have differences, it leads to interesting discussions between the two of us and to me it's nice to have someone that doesn't agree to exactly everything the other person believes in/is used to. That being said, my SO comes from a pretty conservative background while I was raised more liberal - which leads to pretty heated discussions every now and then. I think the one thing we disagree mostly on is that I believe kids should be able to choose for themselves wether they want to play with cars or dolls for instance (no matter the sex), while he thinks it's a stupid idea. None the less, we're both very open minded and our arguments usually lead to pro/con-discussions without reaching a definitive "end", haha

[emsimes]

My SO and I were raised very differently. I guess you could say I was raised in a more conservative household where I was taught to respect my elders and obey my parents. My SO, on the other, was taught that you shouldn't have to respect your parents just because they're your parents. His parents also told him that he has every right to challenge them and think independently. He still calls his father by his first name, and he thinks of his dad like more of a best friend than a parent.

This was a completely foreign concept to me when he first told me about it, lol, but I like talking about our differences..it makes our relationship much more interesting

[Karoshi]

I agree that some difference is good, but with my ex we argued about it constantly. I am from very liberal family while he was from more traditional, strict, conservative environment, my family always struggles with money and his family was really welthy. I think that we couldn't respect our differencies and it was one of the main reasons why we aren't together anymore.

On the other hand, my SO is from very liberal, open family, pretty much the same environment as I am, and he also understands all the financial problems, because his family also isn't very rich. I find myself more relaxed when I'm with his family then I ever was in my ex's place. So for me is definitely better to have partner from similar background.

[LadyDaemon]

Me and my SO don't really have a lot of differences. We grew up and were raised pretty much in middle class working families. The only difference is that his dad was US Navy and wasn't in his life really at all after his parents divorced both times. My dad was just your average joe and my parents stayed together up until their separation almost 2 years ago now. But both our dads were a**es pretty much all our lives. The only differences we seem to have are our taste in music and movies. I like rap and country and he doesn't. Oh and the culinary differences. His family is Filipino,Vietnamese and Chinese so they cook a lot of Asian food where as my family cooks your typical American meals,but I think it's fun because I like Asian food and him and his mom teach me sometimes how to cook their food. Other then that we pretty much are the same.

[Alsfia]

Me and my SO are quite similar, though we do things quite differently especially around meals, I would always finish my meal an was allowed to go from the table whenever, we would also turn everything off and talk to each other or sit quiet while he would leave food (this was driving me crazy the first year!), watch tv and leave when everyone else was done. His family is also significantly better off than mine, which have resulted in me having quite a few different jobs to be able to pay for trips, computer, phone and whatever I need whereas his dad would pay whatever he needs or wants. Needless to say, this led to endless discussions in the start whether it really is important to buy that chocolate bar or that coke when you can buy food for it or save it for when you really need it... We have grown to be on the same page now, though I still tend to worry a lot more about financial issues than he does

[lucybelle]

We were born and raised in very different situations and places. But our core values are the same. That's what is important to me.

[DefyingDistance]

My s/o and I are actually different in lots of ways. We always joke about how we're polar opposites down to even the smallest things. I'f I'm excited and hyper, he's tired and like "meh." Where I excel, he doesn't so much and vice-versa. I love that about us, because we just seem to automatically boost the other's weaknesses and support each other in a way I don't think we could if we were the same (:

[nicole]

We were born and raised in very different situations and places. But our core values are the same. That's what is important to me.

Same here, my SO grew up going to church every week etc, whereas the only time I went was once a year with my Grandparents because I knew I'd get candy We both ended up with the same values however, so it doesn't matter to me. We have major personality differences too (Him being loud and social, me being quiet and more introverted), but we seem to balance each other out most of the time.

[Malaga]

There are some differences between us (religious, cultural, political) and I'm thankful for them because they make our relationship more interesting. I've discovered a whole new world since getting together with him. However, neither of them are in any way extreme, which makes it a lot easier for us. Ultimately we're far more alike than we are different.

Religions are tricky. If you follow them to a tee, they demand you to segregate and assimilate. You cannot marry someone outside your faith, if you do, they have to convert, etc. You can't bridge differences, you can just erase them... unless you adopt a more flexible understanding of faith - yet that means moving away from religious teaching.

Personally I don't think I could ever date someone devoutly religious.

[Kitty Boo]

My S.O and I ... we are so similar, yet so different. :P I'm hyper and child-like a lot of the time, while he's so much more serious and mature. If you didn't know us well, you'd assume we were polar opposites. But I've found that we "complete" each other and make up for each others "flaws" ^_^. I taught him to relax and have fun and open up; he taught me how to handle situations calmly and coolly. I was raised in quite a conservative household, and we have entirely different cultures and traditions. But it's not a bad thing - I find it so much more interesting! And to be honest ... being with him has taught me to question the "values" that have been imposed upon me. For example, I've been raised in a culture where males are "dominant" and females should be submissive to their husbands/boyfriends etc. In the beginning, I was always asking my S.O for approval, tiptoeing around him and letting him make all the decisions for me. But he was raised with firm beliefs that males and females are equal, and treating a girlfriend/wife as lesser than yourself is unacceptable. To be honest, I think that he has "saved" me in a way ... I see the way my parents are and how unhappy my mummy is. It makes me so annoyed when my father just sits around with his feet up and expects her (or me) to do everything for him. And yet if I had never met my S.O, if he hadn't given me a taste of this freedom and happiness, I would probably have ended up the exact same way as my mummy. My S.O has taught me that respect and love are things to be earned. He's taught me that I should do things because I want to do them, not because I think I ought to do them out of "respect" and "fulfilling my role". He has taught me the true meaning of love. ^_^