What did you learn from your past relationships?

[Karoshi]

Tommorow I was talking with my friend about our past relationships and I realized that without them, I would act very differently in this relationship. So, is there something you learned, some experience that changed you?

From my first relationship (a close distance one, 2 years) I have learned that just LIKE someone isn't really enough for a relationship, at least for me, I really have to LOVE someone to be with him, and that communication is very important.
My second relationship (long distance, 6 months) I learned, that I'm very naive when it comes to trusting people, and that distance maybe doesn't matter for me when I love someone, but the other one doesn't have to feel the same. (This relationship has an interesting story, basically ending with him telling me that he can't do that anymore and that I never should contact him again and going back to his ex, because his mother told him so, lol.)
And when it comes to my third "relationship" (LD, 3 months)... The thing with trust again. I am just so naive! I just fell in love with that guy, met him multiple times, had sex with him multiple times just to find out that he has a girlfriend... They were together for 4 years! So I learned never close my eyes before tiny details that were telling the truth the whole time. Sometimes your opinion isn't exactly the right one.

So, share yours!

[alittlemind]

I've only ever actually been in two relationships. My last relationship, and the one I'm in now. But I've learned a whole lot from both of them.

In my first relationship (9 months CD, 4 months LD), when it ended, or was ending, I realized a lot. I realized that just because you have history with someone, doesn't mean you should stay with them. I realized that the ability to communicate is essential, and that I shouldn't be afraid to open up about things with my SO. I realized that just because you think you want something, that doesn't mean you actually do. Sometimes you just want to be wanted and anyone who gives that to you is good enough at the time. But I was not happy. I did not love myself. And the person I was with was not making any effort for the relationship. The only interest he had was selfish needs. And it was wrong of me to stay in that relationship just because I was afraid of what would happen when it ended. But I am so glad I made the decision to do so.

My relationship now (9 months and counting) I realized I needed to be myself, and look out for myself before others sometimes. He has taught me what it is like to actually be in love with someone, and want to fight for the relationship because you know it is worth it. He's made me feel comfortable in opening up to him, and know that he will never judge me. He is my best friend, and I think that's one of the most important part of relationships, that they can first and foremost be a friend to you.

[Zephii]

In my last relationship I learnt that there is a play of power within relationships. I learnt that some things will make you particularly vulnerable to manipulation and they include religion, age, knowledge and confidence. I learnt that I expect a partner to take care of themselves, or else they won't be able to take care of me if I need it. I learnt that I value my family's opinion and that they are able to see things that I would not be able to see, being blinded by love, or in the heart of the manipulation, so then I promised myself never again to date someone my family hated.

In this relationship I learnt that I'm worth more than I gave myself credit for and that I value honesty above all else.

[Dezface]

I learned more than I have time to write. But I'll point out some big ones.

-I learned to trust myself. I knew when things were off from the beginning yet I ignored it.
-I learned that leaving is always better than staying when you're unhappy.
-I learned trying to "get even" makes me feel much, much worse.
-I learned that there is no guarantee of forever. No matter how many vows and promises you make.
-I learned you can't make someone love you

-And finally, I learned that just because it ends, doesn't mean it didn't have an important place in your life. I spent a giant part of my youth with someone I thought I'd be with forever. I was wrong. But he was such a huge part of my life and we had so many good times that I'm slowly learning that I can be OK with having happy memories of him. I'm careful not to glamorize it, but it wasn't all bad. And to mark that entire 9 years of my life as one long bad stretch would be doing myself a disservice.

And from THIS relationship:

-I've learned that I am worthy of being loved
-I've learned that I don't have to act like a crazy bitch to get attention
-I've learned the importance of respect. I thought I knew that before. I didn't.
-I've learned that the cliche of finding someone who makes you want to be a better person is so, so true. My ex and I spent a lot of time trying to drag each other down. With my SO, I hold him in such high regard, I'm constantly trying to better myself.

[kiara_silver]

My SO is my one and only, and i'm grateful that I found him, it's a learning experience as we grow together, and I wouldn't change a thing. But sometimes I do wonder if it makes me more clingy or is my behavior or wants okay or not? And at times I do think i'm more possessive or protective of him and our relationship because I don't know anyone whose with there first love's. And I hate being called naive, but I think I just got lucky and found my man lol But I am so glad he's my one and only. He has been in a couple past relationship, but I would say only one serious one. But i'm sure they all shaped the man he is today. We talked before, if we met sooner, but in the end i'm glad things turned out the way they did, because I think if we met any sooner we may not be together. lol my man was a boy before..... lol :P

[dizzyupthemeg]

From my past relationship I learned:

- That trust is everything.
- That jealousy has no part in a relationship.
- I was very naive. I should have opened my eyes a little more.
- You don't have to stay with someone just because it is expected of you.
- It is so much better to leave a relationship and struggle than to stay in a bad relationship for stability.
- If you think someone is lying to you, they probably are.
- Sometimes things are broken beyond repair, and it is okay to admit that.
- People only see what they want to see, and sometimes you have to trust yourself more than your friends and family.

From my current relationship:

- That I am worthy of love.
- That it is okay to admit that I struggle with my BPD and anxiety. That the right person is going to listen to me and want to help me with my struggles.
- Communication really does make all the difference.
- Mutual respect gets you further than I ever imagined.
- I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for, and it's an amazing thing to have someone see that in me.

[Goyangi]

I've learned that life is too short to "settle" for men who don't treat me how I deserve to be treated. I have learned it is much more important to love someone for who he is, rather than my personal projected image of who I want him to be. I am stronger and capable of moving past even the most seemingly heartbreakingly rough times. I have learned you shouldn't have to convince someone to love you, to stay with you, to treat you how you want to be treated.

[Kiyama]

I've learned many things from my last relationships:
- communication is the key
- actions speak louder than words
- just because there is a spark doesn't mean it'll work long term
- tolerance, patience and understanding for the other
- commitment phobia does exist so be aware of the signs
- if it doesn't start off well, it'll still just go downhill from there
- love yourself

[snow]

From my past relationship I learnt that I will never be happy if my needs are not met, but I am giving my best to meet theirs.
I learned what communication is not and that if you try to be someone you're not you'll realize at some point that this is not who you are. I also learned, just like Dezface, that sometimes it's better to leave when you're unhappy, and that if you want children / get married and your partner doesn't one will end up unhappy.

From my current relationship I learnt about communication, how to be in an adult relationship, how to argue and a lot about myself.
Mostly: I learned what true trust is (and it is amazing).

[Safihre]

From my previous 5 year CD relationship I learned what it is like to really be loved and adored by someone and then taking it for granted. Yes, I was the one taking it for granted.
In my current LD relationship I have to work really hard, not only because of the distance but because she's a lot of work. Sometimes even too much, I have to admit.

But: I realized that I needed to be challenged to stay interested and bad as it is, I am a little superficial about looks sometimes..

Combined these 2 girls are opposites in many ways and I am still figuring out what qualities are most important to me.