Unsupportive Friends?

[RachelAnne]

Hello everyone I haven't posted a thread yet BUT now I have something to rant about.

So basically most of my friends (my really close ones) support my boyfriend and I's long distance relationship, and they listen to me whenever I need to complain. However, I do have one friend who just doesn't understand or support me at all. I'm pretty close to her, so it hurts whenever she says anything rude about it to me. I know I should just stop listening to her. Every time I open my mouth to say something about my boyfriend, she usually just looks at me and says "Do you even think this is worth it? Why don't you just date someone close by?" I've tried explaining to her countless times how I feel about him and I'm not giving up, yet she continues with the comments and will say things like "Let me hook you up with one of my boyfriend's friends." Ugh. It's just really frustrating and disappointing, honestly. I wish I could openly talk about it with her, but she wants to hear nothing about it.

I guess I'm just wondering if anybody else has this problem? Or what I should say to her to get her to stop and listen to me?

[x0_kris]

I completely understand where you are coming from, I've been there. It sucks knowing your best friend doesn't support you or believe in your relationship that you care so much about. Yet, you just need to take what she says as a grain of salt if you've tried to explain to her that you're not giving up. & also make her aware that no matter what she says or how much she bashes your relationship that will not get you to change your mind about how you feel about your SO. If she was a true friend, she would understand and be supportive about your relationship regardless.

[Moon]

It might be a good idea to let her know, immediately after she does this again, that what she's doing is detrimental to your friendship, and if she wants to stop it from deteriorating further, she'll shut up about it. She doesn't have to understand it, some people never will, but she needs to at least understand it's something you're serious about. She may never support you, but she doesn't have to insult you about it, either.

[teachernicole]

I agree with Moon. Next time she says anything, tell her to stop. She's not protecting you, she's not helping you, she's just potentially harming your friendship. I've had the same problems, but with my brother. He used to always make comments about how my LDR would never work and wasn't supportive at all. Now he's in a successful LDR because he fell in love with a girl while traveling. Your friend obviously has a limited outlook and can't see things from another person's perspective. Just let her know what she's doing. Like Moon said, she doesn't have to agree but throwing insults your way is just rude.

You said she has a boyfriend, ask her what would happen if he moved to a different state! Would it mean that she had to break up with him? Would she love him less? Would it make her relationship any less serious? How would she feel if you then made the same comments about her relationship? That might get her thinking!

[mariab1]

I agree with Moon. I had the same situation and one day I got mad and told her that "okay, if you don't stop telling me these things then our friendship is over, because I need you to support me, not to find me another guy". And she listened to me and our friendship is even stronger now, because she has seen that my LDR is very strong. She says that she was just worried about me and didn't think it could work out.

And ask the questions that Teachernicole said, maybe then she will stop and think about it.

[SJ22]

That doesn't really show much respect from her side that she doesn't respect your decision
You sure thats a real friend?

[sarahjane1992]

My friends and family are supportive. At first, they asked me lots of questions. But they're very happy for me.
My dads parents on the other hand aren't supportive at ALL. They're very old fashioned and traditional. In their eyes, you date/marry the guy who is local. Who's family they know etc.
I had to tell them about my SO because I knew they'd figure it out eventually. My grandaddy said, find a boyfriend closer. :/
I'm not close with my grandparents. There's underlying family issues etc. They weren't supportive of my parents when they got married either. And of course they live next door.
When I took my SO over to meet them, they barely said anything to him. I could see the disproval in their eyes. Not because something is wrong with my SO, but because they're closed minded and judgmental. But thankfully, I have lots of people who support us. I don't need their approval.
I love my SO and he loves me. That's all that matters. <3

[RachelAnne]

Thanks everyone I agree I should bring up the issue next time she says anything, but I almost just want to stop talking to her about him at all. I have other friends who understand and who I can talk to about this who will listen. But it just sucks I can't make her understand. Thanks for the advice everyone!

[LDLovebird]

I have a friend like that too. She is really close to me too. She said things like: Hey today I found the perfect guy for you. He is like that and that and yada yada...
The first time I was thinking wtf? But I usually stay calm and say stuff like: Well I would have to be single for that first right. Thanks, but for right now I dont have a need for a second bf. Then she stops.
I never tell her when I am angry about my bf only that everything goes well. So she won´t get any ideas of talking me out of my LDR.
I hope you can solve that issue with your friend. If not, just switch to other friends who support you and stop talking to her about your bf.

[XxFranticLovexX]

Offer to hook her up with one of your boyfriend's friends too.

Eh, that's just me being vindictive because I'm a conniving, sarcastic, little b---h sometimes. ^^;; .. just do as everyone else suggested and let her know that it upsets you that she is that way toward your relationship and that it is effecting/will effect your friendship if something doesn't change. Let her know that you want to be able to talk to her about your relationship the way that she talks to you about hers because you are friends. Just see what happens after trying to talk it out with her, she may not realize how much it actually bothers you.

[Laural007]

I feel you, I lost my best friend in the whole world because she couldn't stop with the negative comments or the rolling of the eyes whenever she would see it was him calling or whenever I mentioned him. It finally came down to an ultimatum between him and her and I picked him. Oh well, hope things turn out better for the two of you.

[tuushay]

I can definitely empathize with you. I am currently going through the same dilemma. I have a couples of friends that know about my relationship and the fact that it's LD. However, a couple of them always seems to talk down and question the sincerity and seriousness of the relationship.

I guess it's because it's only been three months since we've been together on top of the fact that he over 1,000 miles away. Either way it's unacceptable to me. I've expressed how much I care about my SO to them and I don't understand why they don't seem to respect the fact that I am in this relationship for real.

I have constantly gotten into disputes with these couple of friends and I have told them that if they don't respect my relationship, then obviously they don't respect me. Honestly, I have even been withdrawn from them to an extent recently because I just can't deal with the fact that every time something about my relationship is brought up, someone has something negative to say. It's unfortunate. Hopefully your friend will start to see how their non-supportive ways are negatively affecting your friendship..and hopefully my friends will see this as well.

[emsimes]

I know how you feel, and it sucks
Almost all of my friends are supportive of my relationship, but one of my best friends is totally against it. She's always saying that my LDR will never work and that he's probably cheating on me anyways. She's always trying to get me to go out, meet new guys, and get laid. It really upsets me at times that she's so negative about it, and I've gotten to the point where I will hardly talk about my SO in front of her.
However, I must also say that she is a total man-hater and would probably hate any guy I was with, so I know it's not just my SO she has a problem with..

[lea22]

It might be a good idea to let her know, immediately after she does this again, that what she's doing is detrimental to your friendship, and if she wants to stop it from deteriorating further, she'll shut up about it. She doesn't have to understand it, some people never will, but she needs to at least understand it's something you're serious about. She may never support you, but she doesn't have to insult you about it, either.

I agree with this.

[lea22]

I feel you, I lost my best friend in the whole world because she couldn't stop with the negative comments or the rolling of the eyes whenever she would see it was him calling or whenever I mentioned him. It finally came down to an ultimatum between him and her and I picked him. Oh well, hope things turn out better for the two of you.

What the hell? Like why would someone behave like this, seriously. Friends are meant to be happy for friends!!

All of my friends are great, luckily. If they think it's stupid no one has told either me or SO this if they do. Not that I would listen, of course