really rough night last night......:(

[rootleafslove]

I felt like i was losing my mind .

I had so many horrible feelings. Grief, longing, anger, tremendous pain.
I felt stuck to my stomach, missing him. Am i the only one?
How do you all deal with the separation? I'm not good at it. I feel more emotional than i ever have... more than any relationship I've ever been in.

I was so close to just ending it. Something so amazing.... and spoke to him about it....


So, how do you all cope? I've never experience anything so powerful in my life, other than the love for my children.

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated ...




Ps,
I'm the most impatient person ever. Lol. That doesn't help at all.

[libelle]

It takes time. Especially the first separation is usually the hardest (not that the other ones aren't). After our first meeting with SO, I cried during the whole next week almost non stop, and for the entire month I would catch myself starting to cry at random times when remembering something or passing a place where we were together so soon ago. Still happens always after visits, but it isn't THAT severe. So don't worry, you will be okay. We all here made it, you can make it too! Just give yourself time and accept that it is normal. It may take a week, two weeks, a month but eventually it will get better! It helps to think of the future and if you are able to, start planning the next visit as soon as you can, so you have a point to count down to!

[rootleafslove]

thank you...


We met in January. And Ive seen him every month since then. I go to see him in two weeks from today, actually.
He flew in for my birthday, went to a concert with me and then i took him back to the airport the next morning....

Some days im ok. Other days Im a complete wreck... Sometimes I share this with him and sometimes I keep it to myself. Last night was the toughest night in a long time..

[srtd35]

You and I are exactly alike. I have never loved anyone the way I love my SO other than my children. It is really really hard for me at times also but then it gets better. He is very patient and understanding so usually we just talk about it and that will help some but I have cried myself to sleep many nights. I am not very patient either and i am also not a very emotional person but this is one the hardest things I have ever done. I think when I am stressed about other things it makes it worse so I just try to realize what the real problem is and be thankful that I do have someone that I love so much even if I don't get to see him all the time.

[LDLovebird]

Sounds familiar. It has only been about 3 weeks but I had a few times already when I just freaked out and was scared that we won´t make it or disconnect and I got mad even, felt he didn´t text me enough and whatnot. It feels like ages already. And I sometimes just miss him too much. I will not see him for at least 3 more months. Then hopefully for two weeks or at least one and then not again till at least May. I would not have done the whole thing, if I wasn´t sure that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I try to remind myself when I have bad moments that we are awesome for each other and that this is only temporary. It usually helps. I am thinking of starting a diary as well. Not too fond of blogging, although I like to read the blogs, but maybe writing feelings down will help me too. This forum also has been very helpful so far though I am only here for a few days.

[RachelAnne]

I had a very similar night to yours. Almost ended things with him last night. But I know if I did, I would just be begging to have him back. It's almost like I can't deal with it.

[kittyo9]

It's hard. Really hard. Everyone here will admit that, for sure!

And you're not doing anything wrong to feel like that. Sometimes I go through periods where I feel fine for weeks on end, but then one thing will set me off and I'll spend the next few days feeling absolutely miserable. It happens. In times like that I remind myself about why I love him and what things would be like without him, but I also spend time taking care of myself and doing things that make me feel better.

[lilcupcake]

This may sound a little strange, but something that helps me get through it is planning what we'll do when we're together. I like to think about our future as if it's going to be tomorrow. My SO knows this is my way of coping, so he let's me talk about things i want to do. I've decorated houses, named children, planned weddings, or even just thought about what i could cook for him. it's a little creepy, but it get's your head in a different place.

[FLLLA]

I can relate completely to what you're going through! It's been 3 weeks since he left after visiting me for 6 weeks (score!!!!).
I can't believe I had to check the calendar to see how long it's been, it feels like ages.

Right now I don't know when I'll see him again, maybe really soon (middle of Oct) because I might get a job in the US that sponsors a Visa.
Or maybe not until Christmas, given that I can come up with money, I am changing jobs and won't get paid until the end of Nov and am trying
to move out from home.

Sometimes I feel fine. But living at home (after being away for college) has been a huge struggle for me and he is really patient and sits on skype
for hours with me. But it absolutely breaks me apart that I can't just give him a hug and have everything be ok.

Those are the times, where I need to remind myself (and maybe that's something that will help you rootsleafslove) how lucky I am. Not everyone gets to meet their soulmate
or the guy that is perfect for them. If everything is perfect and the distance is the only issue, than we should be so lucky to be able to endure the wait and figure out a way to be together at some point.
When my SO was about to leave, my mom told me she completely understands why I'm crying, but in the long run everthing is fine, it's better than fine, it's perfect! Nothing sad is happening, nobody is sick or dieing for that matter.

Hope I could help, huuuuuuuuuge hug coming your way through the cyber space!

[Hollandia]

For me it actually gets a little harder each time. I feel like we get closer and closer each time and so leaving him just rips me to shreds a bit more each time my 3 months are up. I just got back from NL on the 14th and still reeling from the pain. I almost feel like it is more like shock.

We both seem to just be taking turns between throwing ourselves into work and spending all our free time together online. We found a new game to play online and post on a forum together and we watch stuff and chat together. We also have been planning our next visit and I made a "dream wish list" for my amazon account and gave him the username and password so that we can surf amazon and put stuff we want in the basket for our home together.

I get just like you after a few weeks, I start to think I should end it but he tells me he loves me everyday and I know just like our time together always ends, there is always more time together waiting around the corner. I get angry at fate and depressed and just want to cry for days. I worry that one of us will someday give up. Then he does or says something and I just melt and feel like a fool for ever doubting our love.

Sorry if this sounds sloppy, my head is a mess with jet lag and 10 hour days since back.

[samijo04]

I can totally relate. I am extremely inpatient and it feels like my heart gets ripped out every time we leave each other. The way I have gotten through it was by sending him tiny things to make him know how much I miss him and care about him. For him, seeing me so upset made him want to move sooner then later. I know that is not possible for everyone, it still feels impossible for us but talking about it makes it feel more real. You have to just hang in there because they are the one you love and all the pain that comes from being a part is worth it.

[rootleafslove]

Im sorry its taken me so long to reply to these replies.

I saw him last weekend ( oct 4-6) in Austin. We had an amazing weekend. And this time, leaving him, was the hardest outof any time i left him. It seems that every time we leave becomes more painful. Its been exactly a week.... This time last week we were at Austin City Limits Festival, watching Depeche Mode.... His arms around me......


Then i come home to a shit storm along with me emotions of us being seperated....

Each reply to this thread I looked at who you were and how long you have been together.... Im amazed. Its YEARS for some of you!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wrenching.
He has such a good job... and one he can do from anywhere, but the department is new, so they dont want anyone working from home... and who knows if they ever will want their employees working from home.
I would never ask him to choose between a job he truly loves and me... I dont want to bve the cause of resentment later on down the line... But.... I want him here... with me.... Not necessarily this very moment... There are things i need to do for myself. And some along time is healthy. Very healthy.... But Waiting years .... The thought of it is painful. Gut wrenching. But ill do it because i know without a doubt, he is the man made for me.... If there are Gods, ( i could never just believe in one) then they made us specifically for each other. And Im faithful and thankful. ANd want no other as no other could ever compare to the way he looks at me, or hugs me, or they way we laugh together and they way we always have something to talk about. He is the best friend I have ever, in my life, had.

But the sadness is there.
And the uncertainty is there,

Thank you so much everyone. Some of your posts bought tears to my eyes.....<3 to you all

[kikidee]

It honestly gets easier with time....for some. Of course, some days it definitely will hit harder than others. And of course, after visits it's like you're going crazy after the initial realization.
Keeping busy and getting into maybe a series or hobby definitely helps you easy out of the constant thought of your SO. Think about your future visits and start coming up with fun or new plans to do together.

It takes time. Especially the first separation is usually the hardest (not that the other ones aren't). After our first meeting with SO, I cried during the whole next week almost non stop, and for the entire month I would catch myself starting to cry at random times when remembering something or passing a place where we were together so soon ago. Still happens always after visits, but it isn't THAT severe. So don't worry, you will be okay. We all here made it, you can make it too! Just give yourself time and accept that it is normal. It may take a week, two weeks, a month but eventually it will get better! It helps to think of the future and if you are able to, start planning the next visit as soon as you can, so you have a point to count down to!

OMG so true. The separation after the first visit was the hardest hands down. Although sometimes I feel like we're getting closer and closer and it somehow makes us miss each other even more. I felt like crying and maybe did (i forget) during the first separation a little. The second separation, my SO cried but I didn't. Doesn't mean I didn't miss him tremendously.

[aniay]

Sometimes the pain is choking me up. I cry then and hug my kido and tell my SO how much it hurts.

I try to get the feelings out so that they won't kill me from inside.

It's hard and it's not getting easier with time, not for me at least, because with time I love and miss him more and more.

My advice is let all the choking feelings out.