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    #1

    Time management and communication (am I being unreasonable?)

    Last night, before my SO left to go hang out with a buddy, he told me he was sorry we didn't get to talk much and that tomorrow (today) we would talk a lot. I got excited! We've not been able to talk a lot. One being the obvious- time difference. He is 7 hours ahead. The other being both of our jobs have been extra stressful recently. But today I really thought we would be able to talk. You see, several times he has said something along the lines of, "I'll call tomorrow" and several times he hasn't. Several times he says sorry. Several times I say, "it's okay; I understand". This has not been a one time thing.

    But today, I really thought we would talk. It's the weekend, after all. Sunday! Because of our time difference I made the better part of my day completely free so it wouldn't clash with anything. I've been waiting. Got a text saying he reinjured himself playing sports, was ok, but was waiting to see the doc. But that was hours ago. And before that, and after that, I've had no contact with him.

    It always seems like something comes up. And while I'm usually patient, I can't help but to get very frustrated at our lack of communication. I'm always the first to text. I'm always waiting for us to call and so eager but... we never do. There is always something. It's completely exhausting and today I'm particularly upset. He hurt himself, and now I really want to talk with him. But I'm not. And what happened before he started playing sports? And after he hurt himself? Was he playing all day to the point I wouldn't be able to talk to him? Was he at the doc so long he couldn't at least shoot me a text afterward?

    But it's not only the simple fact that we don't get to talk much that frustrates me, it's also the fact that he promises we will and... we never do. I seem so willing to set time aside, or to stay up late to talk to him. He doesn't seem to be putting in that same amount of effort. Our relationship is so new and all I want to do is grow...

    I'm going to suggest that next Saturday we set up a very particular time to talk and spend time with each other. If that doesn't work then, well, I'm at a loss.

    I'm sorry, I just needed to vent. I'm very frustrated and quite upset. Any comments, advice, etc are very welcome.
    Last edited by Freebird; September 22, 2013, 05:38 PM.
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    #2
    If this is upsetting you , I would be totally honest about it and tell him. He might not give you the answers you want but communication in an LDR is extremely important. He really should understand that making time for an LDR partner is something that means you need to make sacrifices on both sides and not just one. What are his priorities? Both are you should have an agreement about whether you are willing to sit home on some Saturday nights to spend time with each other or if living your CD life is more important. If not, it sounds like he might not be as invested in your relationship as you are. If he can make time to go hang out with a buddy, he can make time to hang out with you.
    "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
    Benjamin Franklin

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      #3
      Especially in a LDR, it is important to communicate with him. If something is bothering you, don't be afraid to come right out and say it. Your story reminds me a lot of how my boyfriend is, and sometimes he just gets busy an doesn't find a moment to text me telling me what happened/what's happening/etc. I'm the least busy out of us, so of course, it seems as if I'm the one always waiting up for him. But in a long distance relationship, these are things you have to deal with. You have to talk it out with your SO, and if need be, set up exact dates and times where you'll skype/talk/etc. That way you both know when you'll be having your "dates" and you won't be left feeling this way. Tell him that when he promises to do something and then doesn't, or doesn't tell you when things change, it hurts, and you'd appreciate it if he handled things differently. Good luck!
      started dating: 12/08/12
      "i love you": 04/12/13
      el paso: 07/24/13 - 08/05/13
      montreal: 12/13/13 - 01/03/14
      el paso: 01/05/14 - 01/19/14
      montreal: 05/30/14 - 07/27/14
      el paso: 07/27/14 - 08/18/14
      el paso: 12/27/14 - 01/16/15
      el paso: 06/02/15 - 08/17/15
      san antonio: 02/04/16 - 02/08/16
      san antonio/el paso: 06/03/16 - 06/21/16

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        #4
        Thanks for the replies, guys.

        Something about me that does NOT help is the fact I'm extremely conflict avoidant. I've ALWAYS been scared to speak my mind or tell other people how it is. Oddly enough, the more I love/am close to the person, the harder it is! I don't want to create any waves.

        But this is bothering me quite a bit and it does hurt. Seems like when we first started we couldn't stop texting and I miss that. I know that isn't realistic to do all the time and we both have lives but there does come a point where we have to communicate on some level!

        Guess I'm going to have to swallow a hard pill and tell him... whenever he's available that is.

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