How to save a long distance relationship?

[Kandi]

I know there are a bunch of questions like this floating around on the interwebs, but the answers to all of them seem very vague. So I would like something more specific on that subject. And this forum seems like the perfect place for it, since I'm sure a lot of you guys can relate ^^ A little bit of history: My bf and I met online, have known each other for 5 years and have been a couple in the past, but things did not work out since he wasn't ready to commit. A year and 4 months ago we decided to give it another shot and there were certainly some rough patches in that time (I'm pretty sure that's normal), but overall it's been great. We text each other all day and talk on the phone at night. What more could I ask for? Well, recently we've been running out of things to say. That's when I suggested to start playing more video games to keep our relationship alive. The problem is we're both very quiet people and like to listen more than talk. So it's quite hard for us to find topics for discussion, especially that we've known each other for so long. My question is what are some other activities we could do besides playing video games that would allow us to talk less and still give a feeling of togetherness? I would really appreciate your suggestions Also, if it helps he's almost 19 and I'm almost 18, and yes we have met each other before in real life.

[Alsfia]

Play tic-tac-toe over phone/Skype, or battleship. Surprisingly fun actually, we tried it when we ran out of things to say and it was a nice way of interacting without feeling the pressure to have a flowing conversation. Sporcle on G+ is also useful in the same way... Google things to ask your partner, buy the 1 000 questions book, watch a tv show together or read same book, learn something new together or just talk a little less.

[churchgrim]

I wouldn't say that your relationship needs saving. I'm sure every LDR goes through this phase, it's just something that comes with the territory. It still happens with me.

I definitely agree with things like reading together and playing games. Have you thought about planning out the next time you see each other? Come up with a whole itinerary - places to go, prices, where you'd like to eat and such. It's super fun, gets you excited for the trip and it's practical
I'd actually suggest not constantly coming up with distractions though - if you're always trying to come up with something to do, when there are 'quiet periods' it might make a little silence feel very awkward and like "OH NO I HAVE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING TO DO OR TALK ABOUT" rather than being able to just enjoy each other's company.

[ChibiFelicia]

My husband and I play video games together and we actually end up not talking all that much. By the end of the week we're like "oh babes, we haven't actually been talking". We're on skype when we play games and we usually just talk about the game. We're both avid gamers so it's been like that from the start. We have our quiet periods when we have had a stressful day and don't really want to talk. We still get on skype but just do our own thing. I could be reading and keeping myself up to date (with regards to my job) and he could be playing the game or reading himself. We've sat in silence with an odd kiss here and there for a hours lol. Well my point is, you don't always have to have things to talk about, like the above poster said. Just enjoy each others company.

[Hollandia]

Check out the main site that list a ton of things to do with each other in a LDR.


Me and my SO like to watch stuff together and chat while doing it about the movie or show. Every convo can't be earth shattering, sometimes it is okay to just hang out and not even talk that much.

[Moon]

I don't think your relationship is in dire straits just because things get a little quiet sometimes. If you think about it, those of us in LD communicate verbally so much more than CD relationships, because that's all we have. We don't get to go shopping, or to dinner, we can't have coffee together or walk in the park, so what we've got is a lot of talking. And sometimes, you just run out of things to say

Maybe don't text all day, then try to have a call at night. If you try keeping that amount of constant contact, you're going to run out of things to talk about by the time you get to your phone call. That said, there are a lot of resources for you, check out LFAD's main site, like Hollandia said, especially the list of questions to ask your LDR partner. Good luck, and just remember, this happens from time to time, to everyone.

[squeeker]

My husband and I play video games together and we actually end up not talking all that much. By the end of the week we're like "oh babes, we haven't actually been talking". We're on skype when we play games and we usually just talk about the game. We're both avid gamers so it's been like that from the start. We have our quiet periods when we have had a stressful day and don't really want to talk. We still get on skype but just do our own thing. I could be reading and keeping myself up to date (with regards to my job) and he could be playing the game or reading himself. We've sat in silence with an odd kiss here and there for a hours lol. Well my point is, you don't always have to have things to talk about, like the above poster said. Just enjoy each others company.

Yeah although my SO and I don't play video games much, we will sit on video call and do our own things most of the time, especially now we both are in university and almost always have work to do.
(on a side note, I really wanted to quote you and say your signature is adorable! I love bunnies!)

Now back to topic. I also don't think your relationship needs saving, and think like some of the others here that you shouldn't always try and make a plan for what you're going to talk about or say, because that can be too stressful. Depending on how much you are able to talk, there will be an amount of time that's quiet time. Just like in person you probably don't always talk. I know sometimes I get antsy because I want I feel like we haven't talked in awhile and I finish doing something I'm working on or just want to take a break from that, but my SO is still just doing his thing, and I can get a bit crazy because I just want to do something with him.. or like when I'm together with him, I want to be able to look at his screen at what he's reading or watching because he always looks at the most interesting things, whereas I usually end up on facebook or LFAD which although great sites, I don't post that much and are only good for short intervals usually. The thing is to not put pressure on those quiet moments. Though like others say, playing a game together is a fun way to do something together without being in the same place and without the need for talking. Also watching a movie or youtube video (when my SO and I do this, I do a countdown "3...2...1... PLAY!" and we try and play at the same time, but we are probably off by a few seconds from each other but we'll finish watching at about the same time.

Good luck!