i really dont know what to do anymore :(

[maja]

first of all: im sorry i havent been on here for ages!!! My friend accidently broke my laptop and its taking the insurancy company ages to fix or replace it! Maybe some of you remember me still though..

I really could use some at advice..i dont know who talk to about this, cos none of my friends is in an ldr.

I am still very seriously sick and have been for two weeks now, ive been in hospital for 9 days up until last monday.
Unfortunately during that time my boyfriend was on holiday with one of his friends, partying the whole time and hardly available.
We only spoke on the fone twice and both times he was completely smashed and it was just so disappointing, i didnt wanna speak to him again until he gets home.
Now hes back in germany so we could technically at least talk on the fone, but ever since he got home hes been busy with other things, mostly friends etc. and we only got to talk on the fone once.
Now a friend of his from canada is staying over and i dont want to call cos i dont wanna take him away from his friend and be the annoying clingy girlfriend.
Today is our anniversary and hes off to some funeral of some relative he never really knew anyway. And when he gets back his friend is still going to be there.
I told him im ok with not talking because i dont want him to feel bad or anything..
I really dont know what to do all i want is just talk to him, but i can hardly take back what i said and i just feel so lonely cos he is my very best friend and ive missed him the whole time. He couldnt be there when i needed him most and now i cant even talk to him
idk if anyones ever been in a similar situation and knows what to do, cos i really dont

[LadyMarchHare]

I'm semi-new so we haven't met yet, but welcome back.

Does he know you've been in the hospital sick? I know you said he was hard to get hold of during and was drinking but when he returned home did you tell him then? If you didn't, I think that's something you should. Being sick whether it's a cold or something you end up in the hospital for, ESPECIALLY the latter, wears you out and is stressful because you don't feel good and you want comfort. If he knows and is neglecting you for a friend and a funeral (someone told me once if you didn't know them in life why bother trying to know them in death, referring to obscure/distant relative funerals) then you have every right to fuss at him and ask for more attention than what's being given. Especially on a 1 year Anniversary, he should make himself available for at least a bit.

Also, don't tell him you're OK with the lack of attention when you aren't. I know you're trying to not seem clingy and want to seem strong but you're going through a lot right now and you're lonely so if he thinks badly of you for it, that's his problem and not yours. As his girlfriend you deserve to be the one he thinks of first in most situations and the one he wants to be around most, or at least talk to. I don't know the full story but it's sounding like a case of neglect either brought on by you not being assertive enough (men are not mind readers and will often take "I'm fine" as "I'm fine" and not "I need you") or him not being caring enough. I would try to get hold of him even if it sounds like an inconvenience and tell him what's going on. There's no shame in needing someone.

[sam]

You should tell him everything you've told us.

You've been sick and in hospital and it pretty much looks like he isnt intereested/doesnt care. Not even to call you? If/when you get the chance to speak to him next, I think you need to have a chat and tell him how you feel

[Sarah M]

All I can say is tell him how you feel, without putting the blame on anyone. No one's at fault here, there's just not enough communication. And that's fixed easily. Tell him how you feel and how you've missed him. Tell him you'd love to talk to him, as soon as possible, even just to touch base.

Sometimes it helps to just be honest and what you think might be selfish. Because no one else will think you're being selfish. You're just putting you first. Which is so very important!

...Hope this helps...

[noodle]

You should def tell him that you're not alright, not just cause of your sickness but also cause you dont get to talk to him. Be honest cause otherwise he thinks everything is ok. And you will see if he makes an effort to then change things and talk to you more often (seeing as you two are both from Germany you dont have time differences) he's serious about it. But then again if he doesnt and just continues the way he is right now, honestly I would end it cause it only causes you pain
All the best!

[paulawriteslove]

You're not being the clingy girlfriend. It just seems like you really miss him. I think that you need to tell him how you're feeling and that you just want a few minutes of his day. Tell him everything that you told us. Best of luck!

[NaNi]

You shouldn't feel bad if you want to talk to your boyfriend. Especially not when you're not feeling well. It's just seems weird that he wouldn't contact you himself. Did he know what you were in the hospital? If so, that's not very caring of him.

[loveonspeedial]

I agree with everyone above me. You have to be honest about your feelings, If I was in your situtation I wouldn't put up with that crap. If you're sick and your boyfriend is out partying days in a row and only attempts to make contact with you twice, and didn't een try to be a boyfriend, that's really messed up. I would wait until his friend is gone and then talk to him about it and if he gets rude about it and defensive then that's warning signs.

[poursometeayo]

I agree with what others have said, don't tell him you're alright with it if you aren't. Honesty will get you farther. I know the situation, and I think the best thing to do is have a talk with him about it, be sincere and tell him how you feel. There's no reason he shouldn't have a social life, but not at the cost of your relationship. It's about finding a middle ground. I'm sure if you just talk to him about how you feel and what you need from him, you'll be able to fix it. Good luck, welcome back, and get well soon!

[maja]

thanks everyone for your support...ge got back from this funeral thing yesterday, but i still didnt get tto talk to him, cos his stupid friend is still there and probably will be for another couple of days. But i will once hes gone... :/

[Swederica]

I think he's cold towards you. And you would definately not become the clingy annoying girlfriend, considering how much time he can spend with his friend and how little time he dedicates to you.

[Lapife]

I just find weird that you are not able to talk 'cause the friend is there!! What's the problem??? The friend is using the computer/phone 24/7??? Saddly I think this is more of a excuse that anything else. When someone misses you and wants to talk.... believe me, it happens. For what I can see.... it seems he's loosing his interest...
I use to have a LDFriend (I met him once he came to my country), and we liked each other.... We chated EVERYDAY... and if he was busy.... he would let me know. So he came to my country to work for a couple of days.... we went out, and it was nice, but when he went back home.... I noticed right away something wasn't right. He didn't connect the first 2 or 3 days (after doing E-VE-RY night!).... and when I asked him what was going on.... he just said "nothing... I'm just too busy with work, change of schedule" and all that crap... With time, we stopped talking, and I don't know about his life anymore.
I think you need to talk to him.... and get everything straight. Tell him was have been happening with you, and ask him what's going on!!

Hope you get to solve things!!

[maja]

well we used to talk lots and lots but its changed in the last few months...i dont know, i dont want to try too hard finding faults in my relationship, i love him nonetheless and i know he still does too.
We can talk when his friend is there but i hate it and it willl not be for too long anyway.
I want to talk to him and only him cos its a form of spending time together to me and i feel really uncomfortable talking to him especially when this sick, when there are people around and commmenting on everything...
And we stilll need to talk about whats wrong and i dont thinnk its best talking about that when he doesnt have time and privacy. :/ im just really not happy with this