Rough Patch

[r+a]

4 months in and I'm feeling really low at the moment. We both started new jobs in September and it's really stressful for us both, which has been impacting our communication for the past couple of weeks. When we meet at weekends I feel so close to her, but during the week I feel really distant. We'll sit on Skype but she'll usually be doing work, so we can't really talk much as she can't really work and talk at the same time.

Last night she was so stressed out and annoyed, and it felt like she was partly annoyed at me. She was a bit snappy all evening which is understandable; I know it's probably just work stress but I can't help worrying that our relationship might be in danger because of it.

It doesn't help that this week doubts have started to creep in for me; we know the distance can't really be closed for roughly 2 years, but unless work settles down for us both I'm worried that we won't last that long. I feel like I'm only adding to her stress levels. When either of us is having a bad day, the other person automatically assumes they're partly to blame - is this a sign? I'm just really worried :-/

[Kiyama]

I think you should both give each other a little bit of time to settle int your new lives. Such transitions can be hard. It could also be that you are coming out of the honeymoon phase, which will contribute to your and her feelings.

You say it's only been two weeks but you're already doubting your whole relationship. Ouch. A relationship is not all sunshine and if you're in for the long haul, you'll face way more difficult times than that. If you already want to throw the towel after two weeks, this might not be the right for you in the first place? That's something only you can answer but maybe there is more behind it than you just told us now?

Communication is the key here. Talk to her about it and about your worries and think about what you both can do to improve communication. Maybe it would help really just to Skype when you have time for a chat and not just let it run all night and get frustrated that the other can't talk?
But as I said, give each other time and have some faith in your love

[r+a]

You say it's only been two weeks but you're already doubting your whole relationship. Ouch. A relationship is not all sunshine and if you're in for the long haul, you'll face way more difficult times than that. If you already want to throw the towel after two weeks, this might not be the right for you in the first place?

You may have misinterpreted: we've been together 4 months and already I feel so strongly towards her. I certainly don't want to throw in the towel, and I know that however hard things are at the moment, I'd probably be a lot worse without her. I mean, we all have doubts sometimes, don't we?

[Mims27]

When it comes to my relationship, I can't say that I've had doubts. Obstacles, sadness and a shitload of work, yes. And nearly 4 years in LDR, I wouldn't change a thing because the good stuff outweighs the bad. Like Kiyama said communication is key here. LDR are far from easy and you need to talk to your SO and figure out what tools you guys can use to deal with the distance. Talk, talk and talk. And keep busy. I can't say that enough. It has helped me more times than I can even think of. That being said, LDRs are not for everyone and maybe you need to determine if it's for you guys or not. If it is, then great but you have to work at it together.

[SJ22]

A relationship has it ups and downs, you ll feel better soon

[Kiyama]

You may have misinterpreted: we've been together 4 months and already I feel so strongly towards her. I certainly don't want to throw in the towel, and I know that however hard things are at the moment, I'd probably be a lot worse without her. I mean, we all have doubts sometimes, don't we?

No I understood you quite right I'm saying it's been two weeks that things have not gone well and that I find it weird that you already start doubting your relationship. When you get married it doesn't say "in good and bad times" for nothing because well relationships aren't all sunshine. Just relax and communicate and it'll be ok

[Kitty Boo]

4 months in and I'm feeling really low at the moment. We both started new jobs in September and it's really stressful for us both, which has been impacting our communication for the past couple of weeks. When we meet at weekends I feel so close to her, but during the week I feel really distant. We'll sit on Skype but she'll usually be doing work, so we can't really talk much as she can't really work and talk at the same time.

Last night she was so stressed out and annoyed, and it felt like she was partly annoyed at me. She was a bit snappy all evening which is understandable; I know it's probably just work stress but I can't help worrying that our relationship might be in danger because of it.

It doesn't help that this week doubts have started to creep in for me; we know the distance can't really be closed for roughly 2 years, but unless work settles down for us both I'm worried that we won't last that long. I feel like I'm only adding to her stress levels. When either of us is having a bad day, the other person automatically assumes they're partly to blame - is this a sign? I'm just really worried :-/

I know what you mean, I've recently started a job and uni, so it's kinda work and stress overload at the moment, and my S.O and I just tend to sit on Skype all night with maybe a couple of messages here and there, but hardly anything. It makes me feel so distant at times, but during the times when we can actually talk, I realise that everything is still great. Just give her space to get her work done - it can be even more stressful and annoying when someone's constantly trying to get your attention when you're already overloaded with things to do. Let her do the things she needs to do, and when she's finished or is taking a break, then talk to her! When your S.O is being stressed and frustrated and distant, it's natural to let bad thoughts overwhelm you because your mood will be affected by hers. So for both of your sakes, it would probably be best to actually let her get on with her work and settle into a routine.

While she is busy, why not try making or doing something sweet for her? Leave her a little something, I'm sure she'd appreciate it and she'd be able to let go of some of the stress, if only for a little while. Good luck!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree with kitty boo about giving her space to do her work. If you guys are skyping every night and she's just working, maybe not skyping every night will give her time to focus on her work, which she can probably get done quicker if she's not trying to multitask, in which case you could schedule in down time where you just get to talk without distractions when you do Skype. It's stressful for you both, but the worst thing to do is to put pressure on each other and forget that your time together is supposed to be the time when you can relax together. Even if it means less time talking, fewer relaxed, happy chats are better than lots of distracted, stressed-out chats.