friend clearly has a crush...

[lilcupcake]

So, my SO's friend seems to have a bit (too much) of crush on him. (not like i can blame her lol) the problem is, she knows very well he's in a relationship with ME, and in my world, that means you DONT blow up his phone all day and night. you DONT constantly touch him. you DONT jump on him when you hug him.
I know he doesnt like it either, and he's trying to distance himself. but she claims to have all these problems and need help (as in someone to talk to about bs) and him being the way he is, he wants to help her. I tried to explain to him some girls use that as a way to get attention from guys. especially when she starts saying "why can't all guys be like you?"

last night, he actually got OFF the phone with me, to answer her call because she wouldnt stop calling and started texting him and acting like she would die if he didnt answer. that was the line for me. Of course, she wasnt dying. she was crying about her ex boyfriend and how she'll never have a relationship again (attention whore cough)

He's already gotten rid of one female friend because of me.. I don't want to start picking them off one by one.. but if this continues to progress (which its proving it only will) I wont be able to handle it. I will find some way to save the money to go there and put the fear of god into her.

Ugh... How do i deal with this anger? knowing whenever he's at school, he's going to see her for a lengthy bit of time.
I just can't believe she would be so disrespectful, knowing he's in a relationship.

[mellif]

My friend who is also in a LDR has also encountered a similar problem as this. The only way to go around it really is 1) to make sure your SO is drawing the lines with her, and 2) to trust in his love for you and your love for him. Of course it's possible to have friends that may have a crush on you/your SO-- but if boundaries aren't drawn after the friends' intentions are made clear... it'll just get worse quicker.

The boundaries don't have to be brutal either. Asking her to
1) not constantly blow up his phone with texts and calls
2) not touch him beyond a friendly hug every other day
is not unreasonable to ask of anyone.

If its still bothering you that he's communicating with her, well, I think it'd be about trust from there. I haven't had trust issues with my relationships (as of yet) so I wouldn't have helpful advice in that department All I can say is that my friend and her SO are still having issues in their relationship because he wouldn't set boundaries for the girl pursuing him.

[lilcupcake]

he normally ignores her calls and texts. I trust him, her behavior is just making me mad! I'm a bit... this is mine dont touch it lol.
The kind of touching it was, isnt the kind of thing i could really call out on its own. she was just touching his arms, putting her hand on his back, etc.
nothing REALLY inappropriate. but i know she likes him, so i know its her trying to hint something to him.

It's maddening not being right there to break her face. *sigh* lol

[LadyDaemon]

If its still bothering you that he's communicating with her, well, I think it'd be about trust from there.

I wouldn't necessarily say that. I know that in my personal experience it wasn't that I didn't trust him,it was that I didn't trust them. Women when they get their minds set on one person and they really want something with them will do anything to get what they want. Yes,it's up to the man to draw the lines since some females obviously won't,but sometimes even when a man tells a woman no she doesn't always get it and will continue to chase after him. Same thing that can often happen when a man tries to pursue a taken woman.

Anyway,I agree with mellif about the previous points though. However,if she doesn't stop then you're perfectly within your rights to ask him not to speak to her anymore. Once a person knows clearly that two people are in a relationship and they try to over step their bounds or makes the other persons partner uncomfortable with their actions and the guilty party doesn't cease despite warning or attempts to get them to stop then it's time to let them go. But that's my opinion.

[kikidee]

Honestly, I don't think there is anything you directly can do. I'm sure it sucks, but it isn't like he's making any moves or showing any special interest in her. He doesn't love her, so you already won.

I would probably just tell my SO to make sure he isn't accidentally leading her on. I've been around people who flirt with me even though they know I have a bf, and honestly, it ticks me and him off. I don't hang out with people who can't respect my bf and me and treat me like a friend when I don't want anymore from the relationship.

Are you sure he doesn't like the attention? Cuz just for me and my SO we wouldn't hang out a lot with someone who wants us and isn't afraid to constantly show it.

[sarahjane1992]

There has to be a line drawn. If something like that was happening with my SO, I wouldn't tolerate it.
He needs to cut all ties and let her know its not ok.
She knows he's dating you and still acting like that. It's not cool.

[snow_girl]

She knows he's dating you and still acting like that. It's not cool.

It's not really up to her not to act like that. My mom has always said you're fair game until there is a ring on your finger. If she wants to try for him she has every right to. Most people would be respectful of a relationship but not everyone is and if her SO is taking calls from her and whatever then she could be getting mixed signals. He needs to cut ties, it is his responsibility to say he isn't interested.

[sarahjane1992]

It's not really up to her not to act like that. My mom has always said you're fair game until there is a ring on your finger. If she wants to try for him she has every right to. Most people would be respectful of a relationship but not everyone is and if her SO is taking calls from her and whatever then she could be getting mixed signals. He needs to cut ties, it is his responsibility to say he isn't interested.

If you're in a committed relationship, you are not fair game. I am my SO's and my SO is mine. That's how a committed relationship works.

[snow_girl]

If you're in a committed relationship, you are not fair game. I am my SO's and my SO is mine. That's how a committed relationship works.

Yes you and your partner are committed to each other, but to someone else that might not matter and will try to lure someone regardless.

[sarahjane1992]

Yes you and your partner are committed to each other, but to someone else that might not matter and will try to lure someone regardless.

That's when the OP's SO has to let the girl know what's what. That's not an excuse. I find it hard to believe that guys and girls can just "be friends" anyway.

[snow_girl]

That's when the OP's SO has to let the girl know what's what. That's not an excuse. I find it hard to believe that guys and girls can just "be friends" anyway.

Thats why I said it is his responsibility to let her know he isn't interested in the first post I made and you replied to.

[sarahjane1992]

Thats why I said it is his responsibility to let her know he isn't interested in the first post I made and you replied to.

Yes, I'm aware of that. It doesn't sound like from the original post that the OP's SO has done that. Sounds shady to me. Maybe he thinks that being in a relationship would let her know he's off the market.

[OperaDiva]

I know the feeling of not wanting SO to give up his friends, male or female, for the sake of the relationship, and that is a healthy feeling. But here the question is much simpler - is someone who doesn't respect and / or wants to sabotage the relationship a friend?

[Zapookie]

Sounds like your SO either needs to tell her to back off or cut ties. There's nothing else you can do. Him allowing that behaviour will only encourage her to continue doing it.

[Rugger]

That's when the OP's SO has to let the girl know what's what. That's not an excuse. I find it hard to believe that guys and girls can just "be friends" anyway.

This I disagree with. It is completely possible for women and men to be just friends. One of my best friends in the entire world is a male. We've been best friends since we were 10 years old. Neither of us has ever had any feelings for each other. He's like my brother. He loves my boyfriend and I love his girlfriend.

In this situation, because feelings developed, No the OP's SO and his "friend" cannot be friends. It;s her boyfriend's responsibility to draw the line and it looks like he hasn't done that. He answered her phone call, interrupting that with his SO. He needs to man up and tell her " I have a girlfriend. I am not interested in you and I never will be".