friend clearly has a crush...

[barret95]

I also have this problem. Some jerk is always flirting with my S.O and hitting on her since she started College...this is why there's been SOOOO many fights lately.
I have told her the EXACT same thing that you all say.. that is her responsibility to tell this guy to stop and she will never be interested in him and she has a boyfriend. Obviously she says she has done that but he hangs around her EVERY DAY at college still. OP, I understand! I'm getting pissed off as well.

you should tell your S.O that you're uncomfortable with this girl talking to him. I know you probably have already. But keep telling him! If he still doesn't do it, then take matters into your own hands.

I have this thought in the back of my mind "If your girlfriend doesn't like that b*tch, then don't talk to that b*tch" but obviously it has to be reasonable.

[sarahjane1992]

This I disagree with. It is completely possible for women and men to be just friends. One of my best friends in the entire world is a male. We've been best friends since we were 10 years old. Neither of us has ever had any feelings for each other. He's like my brother. He loves my boyfriend and I love his girlfriend.

In this situation, because feelings developed, No the OP's SO and his "friend" cannot be friends. It;s her boyfriend's responsibility to draw the line and it looks like he hasn't done that. He answered her phone call, interrupting that with his SO. He needs to man up and tell her " I have a girlfriend. I am not interested in you and I never will be".

I have had several male friends. There are people who can have friends of the opposite sex. If the boundaries are clear. But if they're not, it's not likely it can work. If my SO was hanging out with a female friend, I wouldn't like it.
That's just my opinion.

[MissButterfly]

I have had several male friends. There are people who can have friends of the opposite sex. If the boundaries are clear. But if they're not, it's not likely it can work. If my SO was hanging out with a female friend, I wouldn't like it.
That's just my opinion.

So you have different standards for yourself than for your SO. That's just plain unfair...
I agree with the others, it's perfectly fine for them to be 'just friends' but clearly she can't handle that. It's unfair towards you that he keeps responding to her this often, especially when it interferes with the contact between you guys. He really needs to make things clear or just cut all the ties.

[sarahjane1992]

So you have different standards for yourself than for your SO. That's just plain unfair...
I agree with the others, it's perfectly fine for them to be 'just friends' but clearly she can't handle that. It's unfair towards you that he keeps responding to her this often, especially when it interferes with the contact between you guys. He really needs to make things clear or just cut all the ties.

I said have, which is in the *past* tense. I don't currently have any male friends.

[snow]

I agree with MissButterfly! If it is interfering with the communication and time spent with you, there has to be something done about this.
I had this very needy friend of mine (male), who didn't have a crush on me, but needed so much time that it started to interfere with the time I spend with my man and that's where I had a serious conversation with him and he understood that he has to respect my relationship and that is what your SO has to do too.

Like snow_girl said, some people don't respect the fact that you're in a relationship (especially when your SO is not around) and they need to be put into their place. It's not so much her fault as she is trying out boundries that your SO has to set.

[ThePiedPiper]

It's up to him to tell her to back off or the friendship can't continue. It's not her issue if he continues to lead her on or let her believe her advances are okay by telling her they're not but then hanging up with you to talk to her or allowing her to continue touching him like she does. I operate on a 2-3 strike rule (depending on the offences). If you can't respect my relationship, and I have to tell you two or more times, I will cut you out or at least tell you to knock it off or we can't be friends. It's your SO letting her think she can continue. Yes, her continuing her advances while knowing about you is wrong, but at the same time, so is the fact he's not doing anything about it.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I disagree with the poster who said that until there's a ring, people are fair game. Women/men who pursue someone, knowing they are in a committed relationship, are disrespectful and selfish at best.

This is a bit of an odd suggestion, but I've seen it work.. what about *you* reaching out to her, in completely non-drama friendly ways. Add her on facebook/twitter, make witty comments on stuff she posts, and basically just make your presence known. Some girls back off the boyfriend if that happens, because it's clear that you're around.

You don't have to be fake about it, or calculating, just sort of you know she's in your boyfriend's life, and you, as his girlfriend, like to know his friends/be involved in stuff.

I've used it for the reverse, too, when I'm friends with a guy who has a girlfriend. I don't want to date my male friend/wouldn't try anything, but it's reassuring to the girlfriend if I reach out to her/sort of make her part of a friendship instead of just being her guy's friend.

[kiara_silver]

I would be upset too!
I agree with the posters who say he needs to take care of this. I think friends are okay, but there's a line. I'd be upset if he left talking to me to go talk to another girl. The constant calls and texting, that seems obsessive, if its enough where he had to leave his call with you because she sent that many?
I would talk it out. And the way this sounds, if it's that bad I would consider asking him maybe cutting or limiting his ties. I wouldn't want a girl acting like this towards my SO. It's more then just trust I think. If someone is being flirty (touching, hugging on him "why cant guys be like "you") or clingy, I think it's respect to your SO and your relationship it should be dealt with.