Need advice. Long Distance BF back. Don't know what to do.

[carbonell2910]

Hello! I need your advice. (Excuse my english.. I'm still learning)

I was in a long distance relationship for one year. One year ago, he broke up with me after a few months of trying to convince me to move to Atlanta. It took me a lot of time to finally decide to move. I was leaving friends and family here in Florida, and were looking for a job over there so we can finally live in the same city. On my last trip to Atlanta he decided to break up with me... he was scared of the commitment and afraid that we could break up after all the sacrifices I was going to make. I came back to Miami single and depressed, and this whole year I have been trying to move on. I've been succesfull in my work, in school (mba) and working out. During this year apart, He wrote me every month at least to say hi. I never wrote him first.

A month ago he called me and told me that he wants me back and that this time he is serious. I still love him but I don't know what to do. I don't know if I have to be cold with him, or just be nice. I don't know what he can do to proof me that he really loves me. I don't know what to expect. He bought a House there, he's doing really well at his job.. so I would have to be the one to move again. His job and school makes it very hard for him to come to visit me now. I'm scared. I don't know if he deserves another opportunity after what he did to me..

[sarahjane1992]

Well, first off I'm sorry that happened to you. I know that would be really tough. It sounds like you're in a good place now.
Now to your question. It's a lot to pick up everything and move. It doesn't sound like he was that sure of the move in the first place. Moving is a big thing and strengthens a relationship. It's not something you do without serious thought.

If I were you, I would stay put. You're in a good place. He was afraid of the commitment before, what's stopping him from doing it again? That's something I'd really consider.
Focus on you and your school. I'm not moving to my SO until I'm done with the first part of my degree. Could move sooner but school is important for my and our future.
Really consider that. He may be serious this time but you can't be %100 sure. And at the end of the day, you and your education/job should be at the top of your priority list.
Good luck

[carbonell2910]

Thank you so much! I wouldn't move until a year later, when I finish my MBA. But I don't know if I should give him the chance of being in a relationship with me again. How can he prove me that he's being serious this time? And how should I behave while he tries to prove it?

[Hollandia]

Well, first off I'm sorry that happened to you. I know that would be really tough. It sounds like you're in a good place now.
Now to your question. It's a lot to pick up everything and move. It doesn't sound like he was that sure of the move in the first place. Moving is a big thing and strengthens a relationship. It's not something you do without serious thought.

If I were you, I would stay put. You're in a good place. He was afraid of the commitment before, what's stopping him from doing it again? That's something I'd really consider.
Focus on you and your school. I'm not moving to my SO until I'm done with the first part of my degree. Could move sooner but school is important for my and our future.
Really consider that. He may be serious this time but you can't be %100 sure. And at the end of the day, you and your education/job should be at the top of your priority list.
Good luck

I have to say I agree with this one hundred percent.

[Dezface]

Thank you so much! I wouldn't move until a year later, when I finish my MBA. But I don't know if I should give him the chance of being in a relationship with me again. How can he prove me that he's being serious this time? And how should I behave while he tries to prove it?

Only you can decide if you should give him another chance. You have to decide if he's worth the risk. Maybe this time apart gave him clarity and he's realized what he's missed. Then again, maybe he's a commitment-phobe who's going to bail at the next sign of things being serious. All relationships are a risk, and this is an even bigger one seeing as he's already broken your heart once.

I don't know that there's any way for him to prove to you that he won't do the same thing again. All you can really do is see what happens. Best of luck.

[sarahjane1992]

Thank you so much! I wouldn't move until a year later, when I finish my MBA. But I don't know if I should give him the chance of being in a relationship with me again. How can he prove me that he's being serious this time? And how should I behave while he tries to prove it?

You are very welcome! I'm glad you wouldn't be moving for another year. Gives you plenty of time.
That's a tough question. Were you planning to share a house together? To share expenses etc? If he's serious about you moving to him, he needs to prove it by helping you move. Expenses etc. He needs to prove his commitment to you and the relationship.
It's a hard situation to be in. If a person does something once, they're likely to do it again. But maybe now he's serious about it. You really have to discuss expectations with him. Leaving everything behind and starting a new life is a big deal. I'm excited to do it for my SO, but I'd be lying to say it wasn't a little bit intimidating. I wish you the best!