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Diarry

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    Diarry

    Hello to you all

    Yesterday my girl and me at anniversarry for 8 months and we are very pleased with that.
    Last periode we had some dificulties with each other since our last meeting in begin of September.
    We had often argues about stupid things, we not realy could talk the things out. Because often then
    we started to blame each other for the reaction. It was not a nice periode.

    Last week on wednesday we had a long deep talk. We did manege to talk totally open to each other with out
    feeling attacked/blamed or what ever other person did say. More like informational talk how we both did experienced somethings together.
    It was a good talk. To know how other person did feel it. And it made things more clear why other person did react on someway.

    There for we tried to find a way how to talk about such stuff. So we ended with agreeing to make a diarry of every day.
    And write there short good things and bad things. So we learn what we like and not like from each other. So we can both
    work on it to become better for each other. And understand each other words more better.
    And then later after a week make a evening free for it. And show to each ohter the things that we did wrote down. And talk about it.
    That night it became bit of late. So the talk about diarry was not totally finished.

    Next day i started again about it and asking what kind of moments she would like. I told her for me tuesday or wednesday would be fine to plan the talk for then.
    She did reacted a bit on it. But not saying when she wanted it or agreeing with me when i wanted it.
    Sunday i said again something about it and said that i not wanted the talk about it on tuesday because it was our 8 months anniversarry. She said yeah ofcourse not then.
    BUt no reaction when then.

    This morning we talked and yeah again i started about if she was okay if we had the talk in the evening. She said I dont know.

    It feels bit like weird. LIke she not want to do this. We both where enthusiastic about plann around diarry, that it was for us a good way to talk about it.
    But now i just get feeling like she dont want to do it. And put effort to become better together and understand her better. If she now realised it for her not the way
    to do it, then she can tell that to me. Thats no problem. But i do have to know it then.
    Probably it was better to not question all the time about it, and just waited till she said something about the diarry. But i just had to ask about it.


    Is my feeling right that she not want the talk about it? Or what should i think about it all?

    #2
    You can talk about that kind of thing all the time right? I mean, maybe it just feels a bit forced because you're putting so much emphasis on making it a certain day of the week, like a work meeting or something. Of course keeping a diary about your feelings is not a bad idea, but it doesn't work for everybody. I know that I've started writing some good and bad things about every day a couple of times, but I've never been able to sustain it for more than a month or so.
    If you feel like she isn't fully happy with the idea, you should talk to her about the idea itself, rather than when you're going to schedule your talk. It really shouldn't be something that you guys are dreading every week (like, why couldn't you do it on your anniversary? It doesn't have to be all sad and painful right? Because that's really not good for a relationship). Focus on the good things, not so much on the bad. If there is a problem, address it immediately and don't wait until a day that you've planned to talk about stuff like that. I don't really see the need for such a specific day, to be honest, but maybe I just don't understand what you mean. If you like keeping a diary, and there is something worth discussing, just bring it up whenever you talk. Then it doesn't feel so formal, because this kind of thing is really something you should always be able to discuss in a relationship.
    Hope it helps!

    Comment


      #3
      Yeah i know, its not only about bad things, als about the good things we put in the diarry.
      We have not talked for longer time about things we don't like from each other. There for we wanted to use
      this as a start. To learn to talk about it. I know it should been normal to talk about everything in a relationship.
      And i also want that.
      Few times it happened we talked about the "bad" things but mostly one of us or both did get upset. So yeah the talk did not work.
      The diarry is just for us to learn to be more open about it

      Comment


        #4
        What kind of things do you want to tell her, that bother you? What did you say previously? What did she get upset about? If you give us a bit more information about that specifically, we might be able to offer you some better suggestions on how you can bring it up to her. I really don't think that setting a day in the week where you are allowed to talk about what you don't like about each other is going to help you much further, because you'll just dread the evening. It's okay to get upset about things, as long as you can work them out afterwards. You shouldn't avoid conflict in order to keep the peace, because you'll end up like you are now: you're afraid to say something.

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