Rough time.... (This is long.... but I appreciate the help!)

[Lapife]

Hello everybody...

I found this site when I was looking for information on LDR, and decided to join. I've been struggling with hard feelings this past 3 weeks, and feel soooooo sad, that I cry almost everyday.

A little bit of our story. I met Alex on December when he came to DR to visit his fam. He started flirting with me... and I realized I liked what was going on. When he left (on Jan) we didn't think this was gonna be a relationship.... and I didn't heard about him for a couple of days, when he sent me this beautiful poem, about all his feelings. It was A-MA-ZING.... so a month later he was here... and asked me to be his girl.... so.... of course I said YES! :P

We have been so lucky, 'cause we have had the opportunity to see each other every month. We have both traveled and had a blast.

He has loved me as no one else had, and I love him too.

The other side of this story is that he's getting divorced after 2 years being separated, and since his fam is very christian, they really don't approve him dating me. Now he's going through lots of problems due to bad choices he made in the past, and since his fam is not very close, I'm the only thing he's got in his life.

So.... I came from US 3 weeks ago, after spending a month together. While I was there, we were doing fine... going out, spending time together. But all this problems he's going through feel worse 'cause I'm not there with him, and I think this is really affecting us. I feel his sadness, and at one point, all of our conversations were (are) about that (him feeling lonely, probs with a cousin, not being close to his parents, and the icing on the cake... we not being in the same zip code). I feel very irritable and we even talked about spacing our conversations, 'cause he wanted to talk to me 24/7. I'm afraid he gets too dependant on me, or maybe he is already....and he said he was gonna make an effort on not calling so often. Don't get me wrong... is not that I don't like to hear from him.... but after we are done talking about problems.... we have a blank in our minds.... and there's nothing else to say! Besides.... I'd like this to be lighter.... We don't get to see each other, go out, etc... and all we have is talking about this situations he's going through.

I feel we are kind of stucked righ now. And it is so frustrating!!! And I know he needs me now... but feeling like this, this sadness... makes me wonder if we are gonna top this.
I have thought about everything... what to do???? Is this gonna be better????

He said he wants to come back to DR... to be with me. And he says in 2 months he wants to be here, 'cause he's not happy in the place he is now.

I just need advices.... people!! Have you gonne through rough moment such as this.... Do u overcome from them???
Right now I don't feel the magic I felt.... and I just want that back....!!!! But I don't want us to broke up... 'cause I know he needs me... and I know I'll miss him!!!!

HELP!!!
Thanks 4 reading.
Laura.-

[annamorgan]

It's good that you two have gotten to see each other frequently, most people in LDRs don't have the opportunity to do that. In my opinion, I think you both need to get some good, positive conversations flowing, not focusing on missing each other; it's OBVIOUS you both miss each other terribly, but don't just focus on that.

[NaNi]

Don't worry; I think everybody has been through this. The distance gets to everyone. It's not easy. But try to change the conversations to something positive! For example: talk about what you can do together when he comes back in two months!

[MTK]

I think that prehaps you are taking on a bit more on your shoulders then really is necessary. Yes, you are his girlfriend but that doesn't mean he always has the right to load off all his problems on you and make you feel bad about it. You need to set a limit to it. Of course, listening to each other and communicating is key pillars in a relationship but sometimes there is such a thing as too much of it.
If you try and make your conversations more fun or lighter then you should just try and talk about what you want to do when he visits you, like, take long walks together, go to the cinemas. You can also watch movies together online or even play games so that way it gets to be a bit more fun and not as dry and sad as you are used too.
Tell him about your day and make an effort to be happy and not talk about how much you miss each other as that will make you focus on it, and might make you get into a sad mood.

The whole thing about the magic being lost is tricky. Have you two done anything romanctic or in that tone lately? You might be feeling underappreciated because he hasn't shown you how much he loves you and he has been focused on all the bad stuff in his life.

[Silviar]

I think you noticed a key in your post, and I'd like to bring that up - separated for 2 years or 6 months, the divorce process is incredibly painful and very personal. IF his family is strict conservative Christian, they probably already don't' approve of them divorcing, so I'm sure that's extra hard.

What I would suggest is remain his ear, but be firm. Explain you want to make sure his life is wholesome and not focused solely on your relationship. Encourage him to take some hobbies, or maybe to exercise (great stress relief), and encourage him to go out with friends.

Getting to see each other so much is wonderful, but by helping him stop tunnel vision, you'll help him enhance his entire life, and your relationship.

[Zephii]

We all have bad bits, but in a few years time you'll look back and be proud you overcame it all together.

I'd sugest planning some date nights, playing games together, or setting each other dares or challenges to have fun and keep the mind away from things that can't be solved as quickly as you'd like.

[Lapife]

Thanks to you all....!!! Appreciate your advices! The fact that I put all this feelings in words helped me a bit!! Thanks!!!

[loveonspeedial]

I've been in my LDR for 5 days now..
wow really five days feels like forever <--thats what I just said in my head.

and all I've been doing is saying "BABY I MISS YOU""BABY I CAN'T SLEEP CAUSE I MISS YOU" etc. And then it's like I've been complaining about work and stressed outt and talks like that aren't fun. Instead of complaining, I try to tell my So everything about my day like the dreams I had and what not. Maybe try reading a book or something together and that's something you guys could talk about?

[paulawriteslove]

Whenever I'm done having a serious conversation with my SO there's always an awkward silence, so I know what you're talking about. Me and my SO usually talk about what we like about each other. I think you guys should ask each other cute/ funny questions. Here's some: https://www.buzzle.com/articles/fun-...boyfriend.html
Best of luck!

[Čternity]

Getting divorced is so stressful. Mine was amicable and even so it was very hard on everyone including family and they were supportive. It's a tough time for him maybe he just needs that extra bit of communication to get him through. As others have said, returning from a trip is very tough after having a great time together. I know I'm dreading it.

[Lapife]

Thanks Paula.... I tried this a little bit yesterday.... and we even had some good laughs! Felt like before! Really appreciate it!