SO Traveling Abroad With Ex?

[Black_Halloween]

It all sounds fishy to me really. Personally it would be a dealbreaker for me. No way in hell.

[Dezface]

Still sounds to me like he's being sketchy. He just wants to do what he wants and not let you have any say.

[RachelAnne]

But I don't know what to say? It's not like I can tell him he can't spend any time with her. And he flat out told me "I'm not going to stop being friends with her just because you don't like it." He also said I need to learn to trust that he loves me enough not to do anything stupid... The only thing I told him was that she better not get in the way of us when we get a moment to talk. Other than that, I really don't know what else to do besides trust what he says

[miss_jaclynrae]

I know you don't know what else you can do... but there is one thing, and it is probably not something you want to hear, nor will do anyways.



I am going to wish you luck, but by him flat out telling you he won't stop being friends with her is already him choosing her over you.
I still can't believe out of the blue he told you he is studying abroad with his ex... That alone would give me reason to end things. That is just me though.

[Dezface]

I don't think the issue is really his friendship with her, at least to me. It's his unwillingness to tell you about her being there in the first place and then his refusal to tell her you exist.

I'm not really sure what you can do, either. If it were ME, I'd probably tell him he won't have a girlfriend to come home to. But I have a zero tolerance policy because of things I've gone through. I can understand why that would be a bit drastic for most.

[LadyDaemon]

I don't think the issue is really his friendship with her, at least to me. It's his unwillingness to tell you about her being there in the first place and then his refusal to tell her you exist.

I second this. I don't think it would've bothered her so much if he had told her from the get go that his ex would be there. But the fact that he didn't and then like Dez said,he's not willing to tell his ex about her kind of in my opinion just put salt in the wound.

[delightful]

This would be something that I would be extremely uncomfortable with if I was in your situation. I think more so just because he's not willing to let people know that you're with him, maybe it's not the first point of conversation with strangers or acquaintances, but to someone he's friends with, let alone dated... I really don't think you're asking too much to have him tell her. It seems like the most obvious thing to do to me. I know I personally jump at the chance to tell people I have the man I do in my life; it makes me so happy and excited to tell people, and I am the type of person who keeps personal things to themselves a lot as well.

Maybe ask him to imagine that he's in your position? Ask him what his feelings would be if you were in the position that he is in right now, and you were jetting off with an ex who didn't know you were in a relationship. Maybe that will get him to take on board how you're feeling a little more and be a little more understanding of the situation overall? Best of luck!

[RachelAnne]

I've tried reversing the situation on him and asking how he would feel. He said he wouldn't be bothered with it at all because he "Trusts me enough to not go screwing around." I'm still good friends with an ex of mine, however, this ex knows all about me and my current SO. I asked him why I haven't been brought up around her before and he says "For conversational purposes. I haven't had a reason to bring you up, but I won't hesitate to mention you if we end up spending more time to together and the conversations goes in that direction. I'm not just going to randomly announce to her out of blue that I have a girlfriend"... I guess I need to let it go and trust him at this point?

[OperaDiva]

I've tried reversing the situation on him and asking how he would feel.

I think this conversation is and has to be about your feelings and needs. Some people have already mentioned that they would draw the line if they were told that their SO wouldn't tell their ex about them. I don't know if that is a boundary for me, but what bothers me is that he is not respecting your feelings and needs, and that is definitely not OK. Even if he "hasn't had a reason to bring you up", in my world if you respect your SO's feelings you would just say it. It is ultimately up to you where you draw the line!

[Laural007]

I would not be ok with any of this. I'm a very territorial person and it would drive me green with envy that his ex spends all her time with my SO, so much that it would eat at me every single day until I would eventually blow up and take it out on him. I would be very upset and hurt if my SO flat out refused to acknowledge our relationship, it's a matter of respect and not privacy in my opinion. I wish you the best and I hope it works out for the two of you.

[RachelAnne]

Thanks for the replies everyone It's nice to hear everyone's opinions. The decision ultimately lies with me. I told him he better make it known to her that he's in a relationship and that if he crosses any of the boundaries i've set down for him, it's over for me. If he does anything that raises any suspicion, I will not put up with it. So if the time he spends with her becomes excessive to the point of it ruining our time to talk, I told him I wouldn't hesitate to end things. He said he completely understands and agrees. We seem to have come to an agreement regarding this issue. I hope things don't get out of line.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Good luck! I hope it turns out to be nothing to worry about.

[80anthea]

I hope it all works out