How to ask the parents?

[Vivanna]

So my SO is planning on coming to Canada from Jan to Mar 2014 but he needs a place to stay and i offered my parents/my house becuse we have a huge house and plenty of spare bedrooms and such but i have yet to ask my parents for permisson. i am almost 16 and he is 18 by the way. during the summer i mentioned it to my step mother and she said she might be okay with it but that she didnt know if she'd be able to convince my dad. My father is a old fashion country hick kind of guy i guess you could say, he is extremely overprotective, homophobic, racist, etc and has this idea stuck in his head that my SO Is going to use me for sex and then leave, but when i suggest skyping my SO and letting them talk and such he outright refuses saying he will talk to him in person or not at all but mentions how he never wants to meet him. Does anyone know how to approach them and ask in a way that there will be a better chance that he could stay?
Thanks! <3

[snow_girl]

It' probably wasn't a good idea to offer your house without consent first, what happens if they say no? Did he already book his ticket?

"Hi Daddyo, My boyfriend would like to come visit for a while and I was wondering if he might be able to stay with us? You can set all the rules, Talk to him on skype and his parents before he comes."

[Vivanna]

my parents know he's coming and he has other alternatives if they say no, he knows i haven't asked yet, no ticket, but he is coming regardless, its just that my house is the most convenient, the problem is just how to get my dad to accept the idea and agree since he is stubborn and (i quote from my mom) "is being ridiculous about the whole situation" but i need his approval for it to work, so i was asking for ideas of how to maybe coax him to be more open and willing to try, thanks though

[blankita719]

You aren't 16 yet, so I know if you were my child I wouldn't allow someone to come and stay with us like this situation. It's good he has other options because I can't imagine any parent thinking this is a good idea. But good luck in asking. As a mom, I don't feel like there is a great way to approach this. Honestly, having him stay somewhere else the first visit is really a much better decision. Let your parents meet him, see he is a real person, and don't force them into being uncomfortable with having this stranger in their home.

[mllebamako]

You aren't 16 yet, so I know if you were my child I wouldn't allow someone to come and stay with us like this situation. It's good he has other options because I can't imagine any parent thinking this is a good idea. But good luck in asking. As a mom, I don't feel like there is a great way to approach this. Honestly, having him stay somewhere else the first visit is really a much better decision. Let your parents meet him, see he is a real person, and don't force them into being uncomfortable with having this stranger in their home.

I've got to say, if I had a 16 year old child in an LDR with an 18 year old, I would not be happy about it. That being said, I'd probably prefer if he stayed with us so I could set the rules and keep an eye on them. If he was staying at a hotel or a friend's house that would make me much more uncomfortable (unless I restricted them to only seeing each other in our house, which I think would be hard).

As for how to ask, I don't think there's any special trick that will get him to say yes. Just be as honest and mature about the situation as possible and hope that he accepts.

[80anthea]

I think you just have to have an honest conversation with them and then ultimately respect their decision. It may not seem it but your Dad will just have your best interests at heart.

[blankita719]

I've got to say, if I had a 16 year old child in an LDR with an 18 year old, I would not be happy about it. That being said, I'd probably prefer if he stayed with us so I could set the rules and keep an eye on them. If he was staying at a hotel or a friend's house that would make me much more uncomfortable (unless I restricted them to only seeing each other in our house, which I think would be hard).

As for how to ask, I don't think there's any special trick that will get him to say yes. Just be as honest and mature about the situation as possible and hope that he accepts.

I guess I would amend to say that I wouldn't let them be alone anywhere. Not when my kid is 15 and the other person is 18. If he wanted to come visit my house when I am there, sure. But I wouldn't let her take off with him alone.

[Dziubka]

I don't really have much advice on the issue. What I'd do is, book a hostel for the first one or two nights, meet in person, introduce your boyfriend to your dad and see if he would be ok, with letting him stay for the rest of his stay.

I wanted to comment on this, though:

I've got to say, if I had a 16 year old child in an LDR with an 18 year old, I would not be happy about it. That being said, I'd probably prefer if he stayed with us so I could set the rules and keep an eye on them. If he was staying at a hotel or a friend's house that would make me much more uncomfortable (unless I restricted them to only seeing each other in our house, which I think would be hard).

As for how to ask, I don't think there's any special trick that will get him to say yes. Just be as honest and mature about the situation as possible and hope that he accepts.

I feel like that might be a cultural issue, but I think that's totally overreacted. I don't have children yet and maybe once I will, I'll see things different.
But right now:
16 is not adult by any means, but it's not a child either. And 18 is not pervy, suspiciously old to be in a relationship was someone who's 16. I don't see what's there to be unhappy about if your 16yr old son/daughter was in a relationship was an 18yr old (long distance or not).
I'm a bit old fashioned about the internetz and I'd like to meet him in person (rather than only on skype...) before letting him stay at my house. And then I'd have to consider him not a total creep But then I'd let him stay. I think when your kids are between the ages where they're complete children and where they can/should pay rent, your house is as much theirs as it is yours. No one should have to accept people they absolutely don't like in their home, but everybody should be allowed to let their friends stay over, if the circumstances allow for that. So unless there was something seriously wrong in my eyes with my children's guests, it wouldn't be fair to not let them stay. They'd also have to put up with mine, after all (well unless they really didn't like someone. Equal rights and all.)

What would you want to keep an eye on them for? (Serious question here. I'm not trying to provoke you. I'm genuinly curious).

[blankita719]

Dziubka - I can't answer for mllebamako, but I can say that for me - the OP is still 15 years old. And the boyfriend is technically an adult at 18. I have an issue with that, but since that isn't what the OP asked about I didn't want to get into it. I remember being OP's age and thinking age is just a number and liking older guys, but there is an issue when one person is a minor and the other is an adult. The dad is trying to protect his daughter from someone who is older. In many places, this relationship would be illegal. That's why I said I wouldn't let him stay in my house and why I wouldn't let them go anywhere alone. Maybe that's over protective, but I'd rather be safe than sorry and let my 15 year old get into a situation she isn't ready for.

[Black_Halloween]

Lol this post reminds me of a saying "If age is just a number, jail is just a room"

[RachelAnne]

When we met, it took a lot of convincing from my parents, and I was 18, he was 19. They were still a little uncomfortable with the idea because they didn't know him lol. For his first visit down here, he stayed at my house because my dad didn't want him at a hotel that I could sneak off to because they weren't familiar with him. My parents spoke to his and came to an agreement and he only stayed 3 days his first visit in my house. It may take a lot of work to win your parents over on this one. Like the others said, you've got to understand they're just wanting to keep you safe and you need to respect their decision, whatever it may be. Good luck!

[Ahava]

There's already enough "parental advice" here (so glad my daughters aren't in the dating age yet!) so I will skip that bit, but what I was wondering about: why is he coming for such a long period of time?
From January to March? Or did you mean he would come for a couple weeks during that time scale? It sounds a bit too long a time if it's the first visit and he is just coming because of you.
But if he has other friends/family where you live or other plans then I can understand.

[bethyylovee]

I can't say anything about the ages, when Stephen and I first started talking I was 16 and he was 22, but I lied to him and told him I was 18. When he found out that I was 16 everything changed. Upon explaining the situation to his parents, they said we needed to put off meeting until I was at least 18. They said I'd we were truly in love we could wait, and we did. We didn't meet until the day I turned 20. Was it hard? Of course! But it made our families much happier and everything was legal. I suggest waiting, but I know not everyone has iron patience like we did. It's a good test of love, though.

[Ahava]

I can't say anything about the ages, when Stephen and I first started talking I was 16 and he was 22, but I lied to him and told him I was 18. When he found out that I was 16 everything changed. Upon explaining the situation to his parents, they said we needed to put off meeting until I was at least 18. They said I'd we were truly in love we could wait, and we did. We didn't meet until the day I turned 20. Was it hard? Of course! But it made our families much happier and everything was legal. I suggest waiting, but I know not everyone has iron patience like we did. It's a good test of love, though.

Wow Bethy!

[kiara_silver]

There's already enough "parental advice" here (so glad my daughters aren't in the dating age yet!) so I will skip that bit, but what I was wondering about: why is he coming for such a long period of time?
From January to March? Or did you mean he would come for a couple weeks during that time scale? It sounds a bit too long a time if it's the first visit and he is just coming because of you.
But if he has other friends/family where you live or other plans then I can understand.

When your in love you can be crazy! My SO's very first visit he stayed mid June to beginning of August. Although he made plans to sight see, they all included me going with him though. And if the visit goes well (As ours did) It goes by way to fast! My first visit to his country was 5 months! That being said, since it is the first visit and you never know, make sure he has plans to take care of himself, not saying you two arn't going to work out but it's just precaution.