Crapped on by Catfish

Well it's been a while since I've posted anything, but here goes nothing. The last time I posted I was conflicted because I felt like I was getting into an LDR and I was very conflicted. Now flash forward a mere two months and I'm all in. My SO and I have made plans to meet for the first time for New Years Eve.

After much disscusson between ourselves we decided that it would be a better experience for me to fly to him. We are currently a little over three thousand miles apart because he lives I'm CT while I live in CA.

The reason I feel like I've been crapped on by Catfish is because almost no one in my family or my circle of friends is supportive of my flying to meet my SO....and they are the driving reason that made us agree I would go to him. My entire family oozes negativity about the whole situation and it makes me really sad...

My older sister contasntly tells me that I'm being catfished. That he isn't whom he claims to be and that if anything I'll come home pregnant. To add insult to injury, my sister has now convinced my dad of the same thing. And they keep telling me it's a huge mistake and that I'll regret every second of it...

I feel like the show catfish has made it so hard for my family to be supportive...I just want to be happy and my SO and I have a wonderful connection and he makes me happy. Also, several of my friends keep telling me to forget having an LDR, they constantly say it'll never work, and that I'm wasting time better spent on something else....


I guess I just feel really sad that no one trusts me enough to accept that I not a little girl anymore and that I can make my own decisions.... :/
I love my family, but I also feel like if I never meet my SO then I'll regret it....
I just don't know how to make my family and friends understand that he is whom he says he is, and that he won't kill, rape, kidnap, or harm me in anyway....I wish I had their support.

I'm sorry this post was so long ha :/

[lyonsgirl]

I'm not sure what you're looking for in response to your post, but, I'll just put this out there. You're 19, according to your sidebar. Do you still live at home? (Has your family ever seen Catfish?) Yes, you can make your own decisions now as you are technically an adult. But if you're living at home, you still have to play by your parents' rules - sorry to say it. Have you video chatted with him yet? How long have to two been together? How old is he? Have you considered asking your sister to go with you on the trip? Turn it into a girl's weekend, and bonus, meet your SO. I dunno, just thoughts.

[Fretboard_Magic]

Have you guys done webcam chatting and stuff? I've seen many posters suggest this AND inviting your family members into the chat session so they'll be able to get to know the person you're dating. I think the willingness to actually get both family members involved in the relationship may help you get somewhere with the problem. Wouldn't it be great if your dad would start Skyping with your guy's dad, or something to that effect? lol

As for this Catfish show... I've never seen it since I live in Japan at the moment and I generally don't like reality shows to begin with. I think we all know the risks but TV shows like that, more often than not, create negative, fear-based hypes but seldom address the real problems. The fact is that fake people are everywhere, not just on the internet. You just need to be able to tell who's real and who's fake. I personally don't think it's that difficult to determine whether or not a person you meet online is genuine. It just takes (a long) time, being careful about your personal info, honesty, an IM program, facebook(if your SO has one), a webcam, and the skills to see through BS.

[blueorchid1]

Sorry for the pretty vague post on my part ha....my SO and I have talked on Skype a lot for the past four months and I have even talked with his mother, brothers, and best friends on Skype. He has had the opportunity to Skype with my mother and my grandmother. My mom thinks that he is very nice and kind, and my grandmother shares the same opinon. As for my sister, she doesn't care to even see his fave on Skype, and she has admitted to telling all of her friends about myself and my SO, to which they have all stalked his facebook page. Now my sister believes she knows everything about him, which is why she is hoping to have a background check done on him.

He is also 19 years old and lives with his parents as well. However, where my family shuns this whole thing (calimging that the shot Catfish is "so true it's scary" when it comes to people being fooled into thinking they are in a relationship with someone who is not whomever they claim to be) his mom says she wishes I could visit, and his brothers think it would be cool to have me go there....his family is so non-judgemental....and my family can't even try to see this relationship for what it is... :/

[digitalfever]

Your family doesn't have to be supportive. It would be nice if they were and I understand that you feel a bit frustrated with their lack of support but no one has to be supportive of your choices or relationship. If you want to meet your SO then you should make that decision and be OK with the potential repercussions.

[folclor]

Most likely your parents don't yet see you as an adult. They still see you as the teenager. That makes it hard for them to recognize and respect your decisions. I'm not saying they never will, I'm just saying it's hard for them to do so.

To get them to ease off the most likely thing is you'll have to let both your mom and dad talk to your SO on video chat AND talk to his mom, at least. They'll be happier knowing other, older, adults are involved. Worst case scenario, they keep badgering you but don't physically stop you from going. Best case scenario they'll wish you well and be excited to hear about it.

I had the same situation with my family. They didn't believe my boyfriend was real and I had to make my mom video chat with him to see he was. They didn't stop me from going, but my friends sent me texts the whole time I was there asking if he'd hurt me or raped me because they were sure he was going to do something of the sort. What I'm trying to get across by telling you that is people tend to assume the worst. Especially in a situation they have no control over. Likely, there's nothing you can do to completely alleviate their worries and fears until you go and come back and prove it wasn't someone stringing you along.

If they keep bothering you to unbearable limits, you may want to sit down and talk to your parents. Tell them it hurts that they're saying this sort of thing to you and you really want their support. They do love you, so they may listen.

[blueorchid1]

Thanks so much for your insight, and it really is true. My friends and mainly my sister are very very skeptical. My mom is starting to warm up tongue idea because she has talked to both my SO and his mom on Skype....
right now, since I was able to talk to my mom about the whole thing yesterday, my sister has the most issues with the LDR im in...I can understand that shes the oldest sibling and she worries, but she's been telling all of her friends and some of my extended family all about my relationship and she keeps bringing up things about his facebook profile. Mind you, not once has she ever sat down and asked me about my relationship. Everything she's telling people are things she's worked up in her mind, or things she's exaggerated from facebook.
I have been talking to my SO for quite some time now and I know that he is whom he claims to be. And today my sister told me she's going to run a background check on him to make sure he isn't a murderer....and it reallly felt like a slap in the face...I mean I know she's concerned, but she's acting like I just met him yesterday and that I'm planning to run away with him..

[Rugger]

Thanks so much for your insight, and it really is true. My friends and mainly my sister are very very skeptical. My mom is starting to warm up tongue idea because she has talked to both my SO and his mom on Skype....
right now, since I was able to talk to my mom about the whole thing yesterday, my sister has the most issues with the LDR im in...I can understand that shes the oldest sibling and she worries, but she's been telling all of her friends and some of my extended family all about my relationship and she keeps bringing up things about his facebook profile. Mind you, not once has she ever sat down and asked me about my relationship. Everything she's telling people are things she's worked up in her mind, or things she's exaggerated from facebook.
I have been talking to my SO for quite some time now and I know that he is whom he claims to be. And today my sister told me she's going to run a background check on him to make sure he isn't a murderer....and it reallly felt like a slap in the face...I mean I know she's concerned, but she's acting like I just met him yesterday and that I'm planning to run away with him..

Honestly, I don't think that's overreacting at all. He is some random person you met. Your sister is worried and protective of you. I would be too.

[lyonsgirl]

Wait, she's the oldest sister? Where are you in the birth order? I ask because my big sister has always been protective of me. Tried to convince me that dating my SO was a bad idea. (We started CD.) I'm the youngest-she has always tried to convince me that the guy I was interested in at the time was bad for me.

[Fretboard_Magic]

Thanks so much for your insight, and it really is true. My friends and mainly my sister are very very skeptical. My mom is starting to warm up tongue idea because she has talked to both my SO and his mom on Skype....
right now, since I was able to talk to my mom about the whole thing yesterday, my sister has the most issues with the LDR im in...I can understand that shes the oldest sibling and she worries, but she's been telling all of her friends and some of my extended family all about my relationship and she keeps bringing up things about his facebook profile. Mind you, not once has she ever sat down and asked me about my relationship. Everything she's telling people are things she's worked up in her mind, or things she's exaggerated from facebook.
I have been talking to my SO for quite some time now and I know that he is whom he claims to be. And today my sister told me she's going to run a background check on him to make sure he isn't a murderer....and it reallly felt like a slap in the face...I mean I know she's concerned, but she's acting like I just met him yesterday and that I'm planning to run away with him..

That sounds like your sister IS going overboard with this whole thing, actually. I mean, at least to me. I see some others finding it to be reasonable. But I don't. Does your sister have a boyfriend? If yes, do they get along well? I ask this because it sounds to me like she's taking this whole thing personally, and I mean, REALLY personally as in she's comparing her life to yours and maybe assuming you have a better one(I mean, if you can be happy to be in a relationship even with someone who lives really far away from you, that's something to be envious about. Do ya see?)?

So, your mom has talked to both him and his mom via Skype which I think is wonderful. She was at least open-minded enough to give that situation a go. Kudos for her. Your sister, on the other hand, sounds like she's been going around behind your back telling people negative things about your relationship despite the fact that she could have been a protective sister by following what your mother did. I personally detect a certain level of bitterness from her actions. Of course, I don't know her so this is just a speculation and nothing more. But it's just something I noticed. I mean, telling others about your situation behind your back and ignoring your words, to me, doesn't sound like a reasonable, fair thing for a sibling to do in my opinion. I say there's more to it than she's letting on.

Maybe you could talk to your mother about it? Get her to help you encourage your sister to get to know your boyfriend better. Your sister might just need to talk to your guy a little bit to know he isn't a bad guy. Since your mom's now more lenient about the whole thing, I'd talk to her about your sis situation if I were you. Good luck! :-)

[LadyDaemon]

I think I'm probably one of the other odd ones out on the sister thing. There's being protective and then there's going overboard and being incredibly nosy in a relationship that is really not her business. Your sidebar says your 19,therefore you're an adult and you need to make your own decisions and your own mistakes so you can learn from it. That's how we grow as adults and people,we do it through experience. So IF this does turn out to be that your SO isn't real,you can take something from it and then next time you'll know better. It's not your sisters place in my opinion to step in the middle of your relationship unless the guy you're with is beating you,raping you etc. She needs to live her own life and let you live yours. I think you need to try and sit down with your sister and try to get her to do the same thing your mom did or have your mom try to talk her into doing it with the three of you if that would be better.

[blueorchid1]

That sounds like your sister IS going overboard with this whole thing, actually. I mean, at least to me. I see some others finding it to be reasonable. But I don't. Does your sister have a boyfriend? If yes, do they get along well? I ask this because it sounds to me like she's taking this whole thing personally, and I mean, REALLY personally as in she's comparing her life to yours and maybe assuming you have a better one(I mean, if you can be happy to be in a relationship even with someone who lives really far away from you, that's something to be envious about. Do ya see?)?

Im sorry it took me so long to get back to you all!

Fretboard_Magic, my sister actually is not in a relationship, and she has never really had a solid relationship. So i can see where it would seem as if she is quite bitter and jealous about it. She is my older sister, 4 1/2 years my senior. Yet I dont really agree with the fact that just because she wants to protect me she has to be so hostile about it all. My mom was not open to it in the beginning but yes, at least she made an effort to try and understand.
My sister and I have since talked about how she feels about it. and as it turns out what made her soooo upset was the fact that i didnt not run to her first with the information about my relationship. When she told me that I was taken aback. My sister just recently moved home after living on her own for a few years, so hearing her say that she still expected me to run to her about everything surprised me. when she moved out i was 17 and now i am older, and have experienced things without her, so im sure that she was just as surprised by the fact that my relationship wasnt something I went straight to her with.....

but hey, you win some you lose some...shes comnig around to the idea in about the same time a snail can scale the Empire State Building, but eventually shell get there..i hope

[Yaaamiii]

Personally I think if someone else can afford it, like your sister or your mom or something, then they should go with you if they're really that worried. Your sister sounds a lot like someone I know :P. He tends to manipulate the situation to make it seem like he's right, gets the important people on his side, and then it turns out there was some sort of reason behind it all that blew up and got worse over time.

Best of luck on your trip. How long have you two actually known each other? Because you've only been dating about 2 months, so says the side bar :P.

[itwasmeanttobe]

I say, brush your family off and go for it. Life would be completely boring if we didn't take chances. And I would much rather take a chance than regret not taking that leap of faith. It's no longer for your family to decide who they think is right for you. I know because I am in a similar situation where some (well only three) of my family members don't accept my SO. And quite frankly, I don't care because at the end of the day, I'm with him and he makes me happy. Stop worrying about what others think and just be HAPPY. Best of luck.

[itwasmeanttobe]

Also, your sister sounds like she's JEALOUS. Which is also why my relatives don't accept my SO. Some people just can't stand to see other people happy. Sad but true.