tears and feelings of lonliness

[Karringtyn]

I know I am tired. OVERTIRED. I have waitressed non stop for a week. But tonight I am sitting here crying. My SO and I just talked for 3 hours...something that is so hard lately to do because of our work schedules....and well...it made me miss him more. Like immensely more. We talk all day between messages and short calls...and I have been fine....but tonight...I got off the phone and fell apart...I felt more lonely than EVER and I felt the tears welling up inside.

A few minutes later I heard my phone ringing his ringtone (me and you~Kenny Chesney)...and I answered and he said...I love you shadinkeo..(don't ask lol)..and I started to really cry...and he said...what's the matter..and I said..I just miss you...and he said...aww I miss you too princess....

All that is keeping us from being together is the sale of his house...and it was on the market with the last realtor three months.

SO close yet so far.

I am a mess tonight....I just feel sooo lonely and noone in my day to day life has a clue about how hard and how much I struggle with this...I put the happy go lucky face on and cover up... I mean I am SO glad I have found my soulmate at my age...yet I just want things and I want them NOW.

[LadyMarchHare]

I feel like I infected you with the weepies. I've been crying all day for the same reason.

And you're right, no one who isn't in a LDR understands the heartache we endure every day whether in small or large doses because we cannot be together with the ones we love. It takes courage and strength to put on your 'big girl shoes' every day, smile, and think about the day you are together and not the days you aren't. I could quote the "good things come to those who wait" thing for this, but I think there are days we all want to shove that saying in an unspeakable place. Despite that, it does end up being worth it. All this weepiness and loneliness make us appreciate them more as we have walked on hot coals and more just to hold them, something others take for granted every day.

[Karringtyn]

Ughhhhh I am not usually a crying type of person...but since our last visit...3 weeks ago I really really miss him. It was a week visit and i would give anything to go back to that....argh.

I should sleep. Maybe I can wipe this away.

[paulawriteslove]

I know exactly how you're feeling! Me and my SO have hard schedules to mesh. So sometimes when we talk on the phone I break down randomly. I know it's weird, but I know how it feels to miss your SO so much.

[Karringtyn]

I feel so stupid that when he called back to say that he loved me yet again...I was crying....ugh...There is a part of me...deep down that is so afraid that my emotions are going to drive him away...slaps myself...I am overthinking and overanalyzing everything tonight..

[LadyMarchHare]

Someone told me once you know it's love when you let them hear you cry. It's a vulnerable emotion we all try hiding. The fact he called back almost makes me think he, in a way, knew and wanted to comfort you. Don't feel ashamed about that, be glad you got some form of reassurance from him.

[Čternity]

I've always thought that you cry when you can't find the words anymore about how much you care or miss someone, how much you hurt or can't express the depths of your emotions any other way.

[LadyMarchHare]

It's usually that way. Sad thing is a lot of people are unable to cry or cry often/as hard as they need to. Crying releases endorphins and takes a lot of energy so by the end of it you're a little better. When someone experiences so much grief or stress in their life, it wears them down and they do not have the energy to cry and it becomes frustrating. I actually met a guy who had the audacity to say he felt the same level of pain as a woman who was sobbing and said it was because of his gender he couldn't express the same amount of sorrow. Me, I'd love to be able to cry a whole bunch in certain moments but I'm pretty smacked around emotionally.

Society's made it so crying seems like a weakness, especially for men, when 100 or so years ago it was widely accepted since emotions in general were found to be very 'romantic'.

[Tanja]

I know how you're feeling, as I'm sure most people do in here. It's perfectly ok to feel selfish and want things RIGHT NOW from time to time. I know I do lol.

You can't help at how you feel, there will be moments when you feel completely hopeless and lonely even though closing the distance is so close with the two of you - I find it that the less time there is to wait the more impatient I get and I just hate it that I can't make time go faster and I can't make things change, it's all out of my hands. But you will be together soon and with the new realtor I'm sure the house will get sold sooner than you think. When you are finally together all this waiting and tears have been worth it!

Try and have a goodnight's sleep, that usually works for me. Well, sleep and chocolate lol.

[ioanna]

*huge warm hugg*!
i hate this feeling... and i an so familiar with it... my SO and i have spent 11 months apart, and then reunited for 6 weeks... those 6 weeks were amazing, but they made me dread the time that would come after that! we both feel so helpless with our situation, and so sad and lonely... the only way we've found to deal with the "after" part is by actually diminishing communication, and trying to bury ourselves with all we have to do in our everyday lives... we are lucky in a way to be overworked!
you guys are so close to making it to the next step! i know each day feels like its taking ages to come, but i promise it will pass sooner that you think.. you'll wake up one day and it will be in a week : D
just courage Karringtyn, hang in there, know that you are not alone in this, not only does he feel the same, but the whole community here knows how you feel, and is here for you..

[annamorgan]

I'm a crying type of person, like you, I can't express my emotions without tears half the time. I bet that all of us here and LFAD know how you were feeling/feel now. What I always say to myself is 'this too shall pass', if you've ever heard that expression before.

[loveonspeedial]

I totally understand.

I just started waitressing and doing my tables is the only time all week I don't think about my SO cause I'm too busy trying to figure out whose food is whose and where the sauce is for what.

My SO and I have only been talking bits here and there since she moved and it's driving me crazy, I was leaving her an eyejot message and i just started crying my eyes out.

[NaNi]

I had this too. Last night. Everything was fine while sending emails to my SO, but when she had to leave for work and we weren't in contact anymore... I started crying. Hard. For a few minutes. I felt much better after that. But I just missed her so much. Especially when I'm lying in my bed. Alone. It's also really bad when we have a wonderful talk over Skype and then we have to stop for whatever reason. First hearing her voice and then nothing. It makes me really sad lately.

[MTK]

Maybe august is the month of crying cause i have also been a lot easier to tears lately. Talking with her on skype i am fine but then we have to say bye cause one of us got work and i get mopey :/ I guess it's because i want to be able to give her a hug before she goes and i can't. Blah.
Good thing is that we have people here that understands and are going through the same thing, so we can always talk with them. =)

[agentholli]

I believe I know excatly what you are going through. The only thing that is keeping my bf from moving is money also. He is trying to sale a car..and also, he is waiting for settlement money..that who knows when it will come. I think that for you and I the hardest part is NOT knowing WHEN. this place is a great place for support and i love this site. But sometimes, its harder for me to get on this site because i see all these people who have plans to be with their SO and are counting down the days...and I can't!!

I cry a lot also. I agree with LadyMarchHare, where she says that its love when you allow them to see you cry. There is a country song about this also, where it says..how did I know you were hurting? you never let me see you cry. I LOVE it when my bf cries. We had a WONDERFUL conversation over webcam (only the 2nd time i have seen him on webcam in 2 years)..and I didn't want to leave. But we were listening to songs, and him and I both started crying when one came on. It was so amazing..and he was all embarrassed and I said to him.. Please never, ever be afraid to let me see you cry". I think crying in front of them, is an awesome thing.

I also think it is totally awesome that he called you again, just to tell you he loved you. He is in tune with you, and he could probably feel you needed some reassurance, how lucky are you to have a man like that?!?! I don't think it gets any easier...you just have to learn to deal with it. The amazing phone conversations always make me miss my bf more as well.

Hang in there, his house will get sold...it will happen when the time is right. I don't know if you like music or not, but the best song to listen to is "to be with you" by David archuleta. Good luck, and hang in there...all this suffering and pain, will be worth it in the end, and make the end destination, just more awesome!