Parent going into surgery

[loneliestgirl]

I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I really need to let this out somewhere.

My Dad is about to have heart surgery this week...in a couple of days actually. We just found out today...about an hour ago, He has a valve that is not working properly and I am not sure if they need to replace or repair it but either way he needs surgery.

MY SO is currently in TX. He is aware of the situation and I just texted him the news of when the surgery is but I have yet to get a response from him. He may be at work still or spending time with his mother who just flew in today to visit him. So I am patiently waiting to hear from him. Even then, I am not sure what he is able to offer or what I should even ask of him that is feasible considering the distance. I don't want to create more stress for myself or him.

I am worried and upset and scared. I wish my SO was here for all this but he's not and I really do not have anyone else to lean on locally. My mother isn't emotionally/mentally able to be there for me as she is falling apart with the news. She's never been that great with difficult situations. And I feel so much pressure to have to take care of him and her and everything right and that I am not allowed to have my own "weak moments."

I feel stressed and am not really sure how to move forward or deal with this. And the only thing I want is someone to be my rock through this.

I really don't know what to do.

[Zephii]

Sometimes there's nothing you can do except hang on for the ride. Show your support, spend time with him, and remember to take care of yourself as well.
*Hugs* I'll be thinking of you.

[Hollandia]

Firstly, Don't read if you think this will freak you out. My Dad's surgery was a bit more involved than the one you described.

Spoiler:

I don't wish to upset you, but my Dad went in for open heart surgery a few years back and we ended up losing him. You need to understand that no matter how "routine" the doctors say it is, it is not. It is open heart surgery. My Dad came through his surgery with flying colors. He had an aortic valve replacement and a triple bypass. I visited him at 800pm that night. All of his tests came back with great results from his surgery he had just gotten out of a few hours earlier.

Here is the two reasons why I tell you this:


ONE.
I did not tell him how much I loved him and he meant to me that night during visiting hours. I was annoyed at having to be at the hospital so late and felt like I could make it up to him over the next few days and especially after he got out of the hospital. I said all the daughter things and it was almost small talk but I had no emotion in what I was saying. Had I known I would have made a point to to make those few precious hours matter. I was not worried the days before either and so I never said anything to him before his surgeries. If you can go see him in the hospital do it. If you can talk on the phone beforehand. Do it. Make every moment count.


TWO.
Make sure the hospital does not allow him to get up too early after surgery. That 800pm visit with the great test results were true. The night nurses on the other hand allowed my Dad to stand up and walk to the bathroom at 300am that next early morning. With no cardiac surgical team onsite overnight. He stood up and ripped his stitches in his aorta and proceeded to bleed out. It took the hospital two hours to get a team onsite and ready for him to try to fix the bleed. To make that story short, 3 more surgeries later , we lost him. The doctors claim that it was a complication, but they don't tell you it was one that was caused by the standard operating procedures (SOP) of the hospital. The SOP are to get the patients out of the beds in ICU quickly and out the door to make room to next round of cash cows. The SOP to not keep a cardiac surgical team onsite even when their Heart ICU is filled. Do not assume that something like this can never happen. I begged my mother to sue back she was in shock would not allow it until it was too late. I was not really looking for a settlement, I really wanted the hospital to change it's SOP so that nobody else will lose their dad or husband. Keep this in mind and make sure they do not allow him to stand up and make sure your doctor's know all about hospitals SOP's not always being in the best interest of the patient. Don't worry about being the friendly daughter, be the well informed one and let them know it. If I had told the night nurses not to allow him to stand up or I would sue them , I bet he would still be here.

[80anthea]

Watching other people go through any kind of medical treatment is hard as you feel so helpless, there's nothing you can do but wait and be there. I hope everything goes well.

[THINK2MUCH]

I sincerely hope everything goes well with your dad's surgery.

I understand you are going through an awfully tough time, but I guess it is one of those situations in which you just have to rise to the occasion.
Be there for your parents, especially your Mom. It will do a lot of good to your father to see that you are taking care of her. It will also give you the confidence you need to overcome the situation.
Be a strong girl (like we all know you can ) and make your daddy proud!!!

Big hug and best wishes.