How can i tell her...

[Jovan]

We ve been together for more than 3 years. At the first year of our relations was extremerly great. Her family has no problem with our relations. But when come to the second year, her family seems not happy. Main reason is, I'm never show up. I didn't tell the exact reason why. I have big problem which can't be avoided. Somehow she found that i lied to her. I'm not betraying her but i did something which is really hurting her. She leaved me and i never stop begging her. I ever speak with her sister. I don't know how it's happen. Is she purposely gave her cell phone to her sister or she left it. I was trying to call her and her sister was answering the phone. We had a long talked. Her sister seems really mad at me and accused me that i'm only playing around.
Okay, this is our major problem, FAMILY. We broke up for 3 times. Also because of her Family. I knew we can't get rid from this family issues because she won't dare to tell her mother that we will be together. She's not even dare to obey her mother. Even now, her family doesn't know that we re together. She hides from her family. She'll tell me if she with them and i will not call her.
Everyday, i kept think about this. Until when we ve to hide things? I ve talk with her about this. and we'll end with argument. We love each other and not dare to leave. But i have to do something. We re suffer enough. We argue almost every day even small things and it can be til next day. Every time i open the conversation about our relations, she'll saying that i don' love her and not care for her anymore. And she'll say that i think too much negative with our relations. Lately she also become very sensitive whenever i didn't call her sweet name. And start saying i'm acted cold to her. I must be staying at home with her during the weekend and she 'll ask me to spend time with her online all day long.If i refused and tell her that i wanna go out, she'll start begging me to online. We did it for quite sometimes. I had told her that we need to reduce calls and texting. I ve mentioned about her family. She don't want to hear it and she'll just said We Can. There are times, she cried.
I'm blank. There re times i feel wanna just go away without a words but this is too much and she'll be more hurting. I do want to be with her but she just not dare to tell her family. That's why i decided to leave. I don't wanna we hurt and more suffer.

Hope you guys can give me any advise.

[LadyMarchHare]

Family is a common issue here. If her parents are strict/mean enough to punish her severely or kick her out for it I can see why she's not saying anything. But even after 3 years I think it's best she find a way to tell them she has someone even if she has to hide you're long distance.

As for her actions, it sounds like something's wrong on her end and it's making her act irrationally towards you. Does she say how you're acting cold? Maybe try pointing out this behavior to her and asking why she's suddenly acting this way as it sounds like it's not convenient for you, and you both need to be happy. Compromises are needed. Her behavior is hurting you and you need to know why she's doing it and exactly why she's choosing to hide you for so long. The longer she waits at this point, the worse it gets.

[Jovan]

As for her actions, it sounds like something's wrong on her end and it's making her act irrationally towards you. Does she say how you're acting cold? Maybe try pointing out this behavior to her and asking why she's suddenly acting this way as it sounds like it's not convenient for you, and you both need to be happy. Compromises are needed. Her behavior is hurting you and you need to know why she's doing it and exactly why she's choosing to hide you for so long. The longer she waits at this point, the worse it gets.

She'll noticed if i acted cold and she'll start asking and asking till i explained her in details. Even though I'm not acted cold but still she says that i am cold towards her. It's like i can't put her behind, i can't treat her as the second priority. If she feels that i acted cold and she hear my lazy voice, she may lose focus on her work. How don't know til when we ve to be this way. About her mother and her sisters, they won't accept and agree with our relations. For sure. She afraid to tell her family that we re already back together. I decided to walk away but i don't know how the way i can tell her

[LadyMarchHare]

Sounds like a dependency problem. If you're looking to break up (I think that's what you're implying) I think telling her exactly what's been bothering you about her is a start since it is a factor. You cannot put up with it anymore, you obviously cannot fulfill her every desire, and you don't deserve or need the pressure she's putting on you.

[Tanja]

I've read your earlier posts and to me it seems like you'll always end up in the same place. It sounds like she will never break free from her family/mother enough to be with you. In my opinion you're waiting for something that's just not going to happen. Maybe it would be the best to let her go and find someone who will love you openly and won't try to hide you from their family and friends because that is true love, being together no matter what others say or do.

I hope you can be happy soon and stop stressing because of her, it's not fair to you.

[Jovan]

I've read your earlier posts and to me it seems like you'll always end up in the same place. It sounds like she will never break free from her family/mother enough to be with you. In my opinion you're waiting for something that's just not going to happen. Maybe it would be the best to let her go and find someone who will love you openly and won't try to hide you from their family and friends because that is true love, being together no matter what others say or do.

I hope you can be happy soon and stop stressing because of her, it's not fair to you.

Yeahh you right Tanja, I realized i am waiting something that not going to be happen in real life. Sometimes i feel like I'm living with my imagination. And it's kind of wasted of time. I'll walk away but it may take some time for me.

Thanks guys for the advises.

[Tanja]

Good luck with everything and I hope you'll find your special lady very soon! *hugs*

[annamorgan]

This is my opinion, and maybe I'm the only one with this opinion so you might not want to take my advice. Everyone here seems to have such a hard time dealing with family issues in their relationships. I've never been close to my family, and therefore, any opinions they have toward my relationship I honestly could care less about. What I'm trying to say is, if you're happy, then why should you let someone else's viewpoint shatter that? Like I said, if she's close to her family and cares deep down about their opinions, what I say probably won't help hah.

[Jovan]

This is my opinion, and maybe I'm the only one with this opinion so you might not want to take my advice. Everyone here seems to have such a hard time dealing with family issues in their relationships. I've never been close to my family, and therefore, any opinions they have toward my relationship I honestly could care less about. What I'm trying to say is, if you're happy, then why should you let someone else's viewpoint shatter that? Like I said, if she's close to her family and cares deep down about their opinions, what I say probably won't help hah.

I'm happy what we re now but it won't last long. She does the same. The problem is, she is not strong to face her family. She is not ready to tell her family that we re together because she know they won't accept me.

[MTK]

For me, if i had to choose between my SO and my family i would choose my SO. I would never hide that i am with her and i have always been of the opinion that it is not fair to your SO to hide that you are with them, no matter the reason.
Do you have any issues with her family not being able to accept you? Also what gives her the impression that they won't accept you? I mean, they have no inkling that you are together, correct? Maybe she is just expecting them to not like you and fears that reaction.
The fact that you lied to her might also have an effect on the whole situation that you are in.

[paulawriteslove]

I think that you need to talk to her because there could be something wrong on her end. She may be scared to tell her family about you or something. I think that you should talk to her about this problem and try to fix it soon. Family is very important and if you two do love each other, then you should both make an effort to get each other's family to like you.

[Jovan]

For me, if i had to choose between my SO and my family i would choose my SO. I would never hide that i am with her and i have always been of the opinion that it is not fair to your SO to hide that you are with them, no matter the reason.
Do you have any issues with her family not being able to accept you? Also what gives her the impression that they won't accept you? I mean, they have no inkling that you are together, correct? Maybe she is just expecting them to not like you and fears that reaction.
The fact that you lied to her might also have an effect on the whole situation that you are in.

I'm never show up and haven't visit them due to some problems which can't be avoiding. I admit it's my fault. And it's made them not trust me anymore. Her family look at me as a bad guy. They said that I'm not serious and just play games. The lies also had give impact to our relations. She knows that her family will not accept our relations but she still with me. I don't know why she did this and what purpose.
I'm struggling with my own feeling now. Although i said to my self that I will walk away but i don't think i can do it. I think i need to learn to accept the fact that we won't together.
I don't know how can i make a distance or make a gap...........