New and need some support

[Ryfro88]

Hello all

First, thanks for taking time to read this thread. I'm new to this site (actually new to forum writing period) and thought I'd give it a try after my sister's suggestion.
This past year has been made up of some of the best days of my life. They've also been some of the hardest. My boyfriend (yes, I'm gay) recently deployed to Afghanistan. We aren't sure when he's going to return (hopefully - but not guaranteed - by February). Prior to this, we were only separated by about 1,000 miles No big deal - I'm serious. We've spent ALOT of time together - more than some who live in the same household ever do. The distance has never been an issue; when you know he/she is the one, it works.
Now, we are approximately 6,750 miles apart Since his deployment 2 weeks ago, our means of communication has become somewhat "faulty". The wifi and internet over there is crap. Sometimes it's a couple days before he can even get through to Skype, email or iMessage. Plus, his schedule is insane. That has been the hardest thing for both of us. We have spent the last year talking consistently throughout the day and ending every single night (unless we're together) with FaceTime or Skype.
I know there's not much y'all can do about it, but I'm just asking for a little encouragement. Maybe suggestions from people with SO overseas? In the same situation?
Distance really means nothing when two people are meant to be together. (It just sucks for the time being.)
Anyways, thanks for reading and my best to you all!

[sarahjane1992]

First off, welcome to LFAD! I am a strong supporter of the military and appreciate your boyfriends service!
I have no personal experience with military or international LD relationships. But there are a ton of people on here who are. I would check out the military & international sub forms. They will probably help you.
Whether you're a 200 miles away or 2,000 miles away, the biggest thing is communication. It sounds like you're struggling. I know having your BF in the military adds extra stress. Not being able to talk to your SO on a regular basis is hard.
I've been doing this for over 6 months now and it's still hard for me and my SO to deal with.
Like you said, you find the one and you just know. My guy is the one for me and that's why I do this. It's not easy but so worth it. It doesn't get easier, you and your SO just get stronger.
Good luck

[Moon]

Welcome to the forum

This will be less than satisfying, but have you ever thought about the old-fashioned letter? No, it's definitely not the same as real time communication, but it has an air of romance to it, and it's always awesome to get a letter in the mail. There's not much you can do about crap internet, and going LD in such a way takes a ton of getting used to, but you can do it. International relationships take a lot of patience, but if you can manage it, the hassles are well worth the reward. Be strong, keep busy, and don't sweat the small stuff, if you can do that, you'll be just fine Also, have you seen the LGBT sub-forum yet? Good luck!

[kiara_silver]

I second moon's suggestion about a old fashion letter. Yes it takes longer then a email, but there's something special about a love letter. Being able to take it anywhere, or read it anywhere, knowing that your loved one sat and wrote out his/her feelings to you for you. Defiantly something special and worth doing.
It's hard being long distance, and you have to adjust to your circumstances, but like you said, when you know it's the one, it works and is worth it. This sites helpful to, just being able to vent sometimes and read stories of others doing similar journeys. Stay strong!

And welcome to the forums!

[mellif]

Welcome to the forums! I third the letter idea; even though I've never been in a military relationship, I think small things like letters and care packages would go a long way. And maybe scent the letter with the cologne you use, if you do use one-- smells can be powerful for a lover. Good luck!!!

[silvermoonfairy3]

Hey there.
I can't sympathize with the military part, but my SO lives in New Zealand.. almost 9,000 miles from me! So yes, I can sympathize with the far-away overseas aspect! It suuuuucks, as you know.

That's really tough about the faulty internet. I also agree with the letter writing. Or multiple letter-writing. You could write a letter, even just a short one, every time there's an internet issue for a week, and then send them all. Your SO will be able to catch up with your thoughts that way, and there's something kind of awesome about handwritten old-fashioned letters.

My guy is mostly incommunicado yesterday-Sunday because he's at a convention with friends, although he texts now and then and emails at the end of the night if he can. Even just that, when I'm used to Skype or phone calls every day, is hard to deal with and makes it really seem like he's so so far away.

So one thing I'm doing is, I started a little Thursday-Sunday 'journal' that is just a little 5" x 7" notebook so I can bring it with me as I'm out this weekend. I jot down little messages to him, or doodle pictures while I'm waiting for friends to arrive, or put a little funny story of my day.. any time I'm just having a moment of missing him and wishing we could share experiences in person. I'm going to mail it to him on Monday.

So yeah, maybe try something like letter-writing, or somehow doing that kind of thing that allows a form of communication, sort of, when you otherwise can't communicate.
Also, not that I'm suggesting you don't stay here, too, but have you thought about or joined any military spouse type forums? There's a LOT of them out there, and I bet they have some more specific insight or sympathy with the particular military aspect that many of us may not.

Good luck! And welcome!

[differentcountries]

What about calls, or perhaps text messages? If you are able to text each other, you could at least say good night. Also, i support the letter idea and also sending him little presents and pictures through the mail. Good luck to you guys

[Ryfro88]

Thanks guys! All great ideas! Thankfully we've been able to do most of the things mentioned, but there are a couple new ones I will try. It's very encouraging knowing there are others out there in a similar situation and willing to show some love My best to you all!

[miss_jaclynrae]

Welcome!


I am a former military spouse and I want to tell you that the lack of communication is completely normal!
It sucks, I remember going months without talking to my husband, and it was horrible, but being with someone in the military, it comes with the territory, the biggest thing you have to remember is that this is their job. I got through it by staying busy, and making care packages. I made tons of goals for myself while he was gone and they kept me motivated and helped the time FLY by. Old fashioned love letters were fun too!

Stay strong and hang in there, feel free to message me too! I am no longer with my ex, but I went through 2 deployments and was with him all 4 years of his service.