Would this cause problems at some stage?

[sweetdevil]

My SO and I spoke about living together in 2014/2015 somewhere. Since we both live in the EU there is no visa-drama and home is just a 2 hour flight away.
I cant help but worry (or maybe thats a bit too strong...) about the money object.
My SO never learned how to save money. I on the other hand always feel guilty about spending (too much) money.
He has no savings account and for the looks of it not planning to start saving anything any time soon. He works but he also spends that money like water.

I wonder how you guys handle money with your SO when living together or maybe there is someone who has the same worries.
Do you think this is this gonna be a problem when you are raised differently money wise?

[temporaryuser]

when I was married, my ex was like this. We had separate bank accounts, then a household account. We split the bills and each contributed half. We would deposit the money into the household account and pay the bills from that. That account was off limits for anything but bills.
The problem came when anything around the house needed to be done, or extra curriculars for the child.
he had his play money, which he spent. i had mine, which i put aside for things i or the child needed.
I am now divorced. yes, his spending habits played a part in this, but not as big a part as some of his other disfunctional issues.

[silvermoonfairy3]

There's a lot of information online if you google something like spouse money habits, plenty of stuff that gives great talking points for bringing up financial discussions. I think it's definitely a discussion you should have prior to moving it, but I don't think differing money habits are incompatible if you both are aware of it and work together and have reasonable expectations.

Some couples like to have a joint savings account, some don't. Do you want to keep finances separate, or do you think living together, you should share it all? Either way is valid, just know what you want and ask what he wants, and see where compromise can be made that you're both happy with long-term.

There are people who make completely opposite spending habits work just fine, and people for whom it becomes a constant source of argument. As with everything, it'll depend on how you both handle it, and communication, communication, communication.

My parents separated largely because of money issues and not resolving them. It wasn't really fundamental incompatibility (judging by the fact that they stayed friends for the 10 years of their separation, and eventually got back together and started sorting money out more proactively) but it was enough of a stressor to be a decade-long end to their relationship.

Is your boyfriend also around your age? I know in my early 20s saving money wasn't hugely on my mind, so if it is on yours, your ahead of the game! (In a good way!)

[alittlemind]

Sounds a little like my SO and I. I am a good money saver, I too feel guilty when I end up spending more than I should've, and my SO isn't really one to realize how much money he is spending. Anyway, since we are planning to move in together within the next year, we've made a budget for ourselves. We've figured out approximately how much we'll each be making a month, and how much we'll be spending a month. We have decided that, for now (as in, our first months of moving in together), to put away 50$ a month, plus whatever else the remaining money is, for savings. Since I will be much farther from my family, an emergency flight fund is pretty important to me. Also, during the months that we are not living together, we are both saving whatever money we make. We had a big talk about how much of a commitment this is, and that the money issue is important, and he agreed completely with me, that we need to save. Although we were raised with different ideas of how money should be spent, we do agree on how right now, saving all the money we can is important.

[Tooki]

when I was married, my ex was like this. We had separate bank accounts, then a household account. We split the bills and each contributed half. We would deposit the money into the household account and pay the bills from that. That account was off limits for anything but bills.
The problem came when anything around the house needed to be done, or extra curriculars for the child.
he had his play money, which he spent. i had mine, which i put aside for things i or the child needed.
I am now divorced. yes, his spending habits played a part in this, but not as big a part as some of his other disfunctional issues.

I think that having a third account for shared expenses is a great idea. In the future, I will probably do this myself.

[snow]

My sister and her ex-husband had a similar problem. She saved all the money she could for their child, but since they were sharing a bank account her ex husband took all the money out of the account and spend it on other things. They ended up having thousands of euro in debt and she had to pay it all back herself when they got divorced.

I think before you move in you should have a serious talk about this, but even now you could start. He should be saving up atleast some money for when the time comes and one of you has to move - that's not gonna be cheap!

[LadyDaemon]

Me and my SO had this conversation when I first found out we were moving in together and also when he decided to go back to college. We're kinda on opposite ends when it comes to money. I like to save most of the time where for him money tends to burn a hole in his pocket. So,we both decided that when we moved in together and got our own place that I would handle paying the bills. I told him that the way I would like to do it is to make sure all of our bills and household expenses are paid for first,then whatever is left we will split and that will be our own spending money. Once it's gone,it's gone. He agrees and accepts that. So,I agree with snow and the others. Just sit down and talk to him about it and figure out how to make it work for you and like mentioned before,it might even be a good idea to start now before either of you moves.

[sweetdevil]

My SO is 26. We both live with our parents.
And I do have a savings account yes. I might spend some of the pay check I get every month but the rest goes to the savings account. I can honestly say that i cant remember the last time I spent all of that money and there was nothing left to put on the savings account.
He gets student money every week (a f ing 180 euros!!!) which he considers 'spending money'. All of it goes. Then there is his pay check which goes to a bank account which he uses to buy loads of Xmas presents for himself mostly because he loves Xmas and missed it last year. I know its all his money and he earned it, I just think if he'd buy less soccer/rugby jerseys, less beer, less video games he'd be able to atleast save some money like me. I wouldnt even know how to spend 180 per week...

Im a little hesitant to talk to him about this because it feels like I am lecturing him

[lucybelle]

Money is a touchy subject and something that is extremely important to discuss BEFORE living together. Couples handle finances in many different ways. The way my SO and I handle it might not work for others. When he moved in with me we each had our own bank account and split almost everything 50/50. I paid rent and bills fully, because I'd be paying rent whether he was there or not and he didn't have a job, while I did.

Now, we just have "our" money. My paycheck is deposited directly into his account, since it's a bitch and a half for a foreigner to open an account here. Whenever I need money, he gives it to me. We talk to each other about buying things before we buy them. I consider every penny I make just as much his as it is mine. We both still have savings accounts which I do consider "his" and "mine", but every penny from the day we married until forever is "our" money.

Luckily, we are both fiscally responsible (bordering on stingy) so money hasn't been a huge hurdle for us. But if you and your SO are polar opposites, get that stuff figured out FIRST.

[LadyDaemon]

Im a little hesitant to talk to him about this because it feels like I am lecturing him

Well if you come to him with it like you're trying to compromise with him to have better spending habits not just for you but your future together and don't come at him in an accusatory way (not saying you are or will) then I think you will be ok. These kinds of things need to be talked about or there may be issues in the future.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I agree with LD.. if you can think of a casual way to approach it so that it shows him you're on the same team and not accusing or lecturing, he'll likely be open to the discussion.

Definitely don't try to have it if you're exasperated that he just bought ANOTHER video game or whatever, because you'll possibly end up putting him on the defensive. Find a good time when you're both at ease, and approach it as you'd love to get his input on your joint finances. Make it about how you guys will work together to make sure you have the type of life you want, with the right mix of spending and saving.

Money conversations are a little awkward and maybe touchy, but it's definitely crucial to talk about. Good luck. You've got this!

[nicole]

I agree with most here, that you need to have a talk before you move in together. I'd word it like "I want to hash out some kind of weekly budget for us" and see what he thinks about how you guys should pay bills, rent etc

My SO and I are both savers, but have the occasional spending spree. Which is ok as long as it fits within our budget. We both have our separate checking accounts, where our paychecks get deposited, then we have a Joint checking and another joint savings. Money for bills goes into the Joint checking- we both put money in and use that to pay whatever bills are in each of our names (For example, the internet is in my name and the electric is in his). Whatever is left over from our weekly/monthly budget goes into the savings account, which neither of us touches, as that is our house deposit fund. If we want to buy something and don't want to use our individual accounts for whatever reason (e.g big ticket items), we discuss it before we even go near the joint accounts.

There are plenty of different ways to help him save. In England, I had a certain type of savings account where I could only make one withdrawal from it per year, and had to put in a certain amount in each month to keep the high interest rate up. If its possible to help him set something like that up, it might help him start to learn to save.

[sweetdevil]

He's more of the 'we ll see when that day comes' type of person unfortunatly...
So I feel like I am nagging him starting about money. I do agree with all of you though that I should bring it up again.

[miss_jaclynrae]

We split everything when we lived together. 50/50, now, things will change when we are married but I think as for moving in together as bf and gf it isn't as much of a problem as it would be for marriage.
Does he live on his own now?

We literally split everything, even grocery shopping. We built a system where we saved reciepts for purchases made that contributed to our home. Whether it was for meals or things like toilet paper. We put the reciepts in the jar and at the end of the month we added it all up and made sure each purchase was split.
It is a great system for living together if not married.

[squeeker]

In my relationship with my boyfriend, I tend to be more of the saver while he tends to be more of the spender and doesn't realize how much he's spending. He knows this is an issue for him so we will work towards getting through it, maybe go through some course to help us both better manage our money. I think in the future we will probably have one joint account but maybe still separate accounts too, depending on our situation and probably if we both have jobs and stuff. Before we actually move together, which looks like still a few years away, we will discuss it in more detail, but we will talk about big purchases before we buy them. We are both in university right now to better our chances at getting a job that might make more than minimum wage and one that we might actually enjoy! So hopefully money won't be too much of an issue and we both have experiences where it goes by way too fast if we are not watching!!

I agree with everyone that it's definitely an important issue that you should try and bring up in a casual way with your SO to make sure you can come to some sort of agreement!!