Breakup, Single and Happy
Hello everyone!
How are you all? I hope you are coping well with your long-distance relationships. I've been absent from this forum for more than a year. For some reason I decided to log in just to see how things are. I still recognise some people from their usernames, though I prolly was never in contact with most of them personally. I am happy for those of you who finally closed the distance. Congratulations! For those of you who are still struggling with the relationships, please stay strong. I was in one for 2 and a half years until I had to let it go for my own sake and my future. If you're not having a successful relationship, please remember that you are not alone and in time you will get through it.
My SO was from Iran. Our relationship was going so well that I really thought we were going to make it, particularly after his 4th visit in which we had convos with my family and he told my brother that he would like to marry me. He went home at the beginning of January 2012, after we had our first (and last) New Year celebration. Upon his departure, more issues and difficulties came up, mainly about the laws in his country about marrying a non-Iranian. In short, getting married in Iran and moving there was not a choice for me as I would lose my citizenship automatically. Apart from that, the law there is so patriarchial that I have less rights in terms of divorce and child custody. Our countries do not accept dual-citizenship. Therefore, his only option was to get out of Iran to study or work overseas. He had been trying to get a PhD scholarship but there was no luck. We started to get so frustrated that we decided if there was no progress within a year, we would end our relationship.
Suddenly he started ignoring me at the beginning of March. Our last phonecall ended abruptly and he sounded as if he hadn't wanted to talk to me that much. He then ignored my phonecalls, texts and e-mails. My gut feeling told me something was not right. I then logged on to his email. Yes, I had his password. He was the one who shared it with me in the first place because sometimes he could get so busy working in oil rigs that he didn't have time to check e-mails. While looking through his e-mails, I found a suspicious folder which contained e-mails he exchanged with the other woman (an Iranian). There were 3 e-mails from her and 1 from him. They were all in Persian and despite my elementary level in the language, I could understand the contents. I even copied and sent those emails to a friend to be translated. He confirmed that even in their language, those were not exchanged between mere friends. And do you know when those e-mail were exchanged? November 2011. One month away before he came to see me.
I really wanted to talk to him but he was unreachable. I even sent an e-mail to the other woman. Not to make her go away, but simply to let her know of my existence because I thought that maybe she didn't know about our relationship. However, I didn't wait until I got any reply from him and her. I couldn't nor didn't want to wait. So on March 14, 2012, I sent the breakup e-mail. He changed his e-mail password the next day.
Why did he even visit me and tell my brother that he would like to marry me while he had another relationship at the same time? I never found the answer, and most likely never will. 10 days after the breakup, surprisingly the woman replied my e-mail. She told me that she knew all along about the relationship and they were already engaged. She told me not to disturb her.
I was devastated. I felt extremely hurt for being cheated and betrayed. My self-esteem and self-confidence was crushed. It was a tough recovery process but I managed to get through the difficult times because I was and am so thankful that God showed me the truth about him.
In the middle of August 2012 I was diagnosed as having HPV, one of the most common STDs (https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/). Yes, I was intimate with my ex. Luckily, I managed to keep my virginity intact. I only want to lose it after marriage. I've received treatments and vaccinations for my HPV. No more genital warts now but there is no telling whether the virus is still there or not. My body can get rid of the virus on its own anytime. Any man who is interested in me has to be aware of the risk of being infected. To my relief, I've had low risk HPV, unlike the high risk one which can develop into cervical cancer. I pretty much live a healthy and normal life.
So that's my story. It was not easy to cope with the breakup and to move on, but it did get easier. He's now history. I've learnt so much from the experience. And yes, I've never heard anything from and about him ever since he ignored me. No explanations at all. I don't think I still need any.
I'm sorry for the long post, but I hope it can give support to those who experienced similar things with me. Time will heal and you will be fine. I know this sounds old. But trust me, and most importantly trust yourself, that you will be fine. Thank you for reading.
How are you all? I hope you are coping well with your long-distance relationships. I've been absent from this forum for more than a year. For some reason I decided to log in just to see how things are. I still recognise some people from their usernames, though I prolly was never in contact with most of them personally. I am happy for those of you who finally closed the distance. Congratulations! For those of you who are still struggling with the relationships, please stay strong. I was in one for 2 and a half years until I had to let it go for my own sake and my future. If you're not having a successful relationship, please remember that you are not alone and in time you will get through it.
My SO was from Iran. Our relationship was going so well that I really thought we were going to make it, particularly after his 4th visit in which we had convos with my family and he told my brother that he would like to marry me. He went home at the beginning of January 2012, after we had our first (and last) New Year celebration. Upon his departure, more issues and difficulties came up, mainly about the laws in his country about marrying a non-Iranian. In short, getting married in Iran and moving there was not a choice for me as I would lose my citizenship automatically. Apart from that, the law there is so patriarchial that I have less rights in terms of divorce and child custody. Our countries do not accept dual-citizenship. Therefore, his only option was to get out of Iran to study or work overseas. He had been trying to get a PhD scholarship but there was no luck. We started to get so frustrated that we decided if there was no progress within a year, we would end our relationship.
Suddenly he started ignoring me at the beginning of March. Our last phonecall ended abruptly and he sounded as if he hadn't wanted to talk to me that much. He then ignored my phonecalls, texts and e-mails. My gut feeling told me something was not right. I then logged on to his email. Yes, I had his password. He was the one who shared it with me in the first place because sometimes he could get so busy working in oil rigs that he didn't have time to check e-mails. While looking through his e-mails, I found a suspicious folder which contained e-mails he exchanged with the other woman (an Iranian). There were 3 e-mails from her and 1 from him. They were all in Persian and despite my elementary level in the language, I could understand the contents. I even copied and sent those emails to a friend to be translated. He confirmed that even in their language, those were not exchanged between mere friends. And do you know when those e-mail were exchanged? November 2011. One month away before he came to see me.
I really wanted to talk to him but he was unreachable. I even sent an e-mail to the other woman. Not to make her go away, but simply to let her know of my existence because I thought that maybe she didn't know about our relationship. However, I didn't wait until I got any reply from him and her. I couldn't nor didn't want to wait. So on March 14, 2012, I sent the breakup e-mail. He changed his e-mail password the next day.
Why did he even visit me and tell my brother that he would like to marry me while he had another relationship at the same time? I never found the answer, and most likely never will. 10 days after the breakup, surprisingly the woman replied my e-mail. She told me that she knew all along about the relationship and they were already engaged. She told me not to disturb her.
I was devastated. I felt extremely hurt for being cheated and betrayed. My self-esteem and self-confidence was crushed. It was a tough recovery process but I managed to get through the difficult times because I was and am so thankful that God showed me the truth about him.
In the middle of August 2012 I was diagnosed as having HPV, one of the most common STDs (https://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/). Yes, I was intimate with my ex. Luckily, I managed to keep my virginity intact. I only want to lose it after marriage. I've received treatments and vaccinations for my HPV. No more genital warts now but there is no telling whether the virus is still there or not. My body can get rid of the virus on its own anytime. Any man who is interested in me has to be aware of the risk of being infected. To my relief, I've had low risk HPV, unlike the high risk one which can develop into cervical cancer. I pretty much live a healthy and normal life.
So that's my story. It was not easy to cope with the breakup and to move on, but it did get easier. He's now history. I've learnt so much from the experience. And yes, I've never heard anything from and about him ever since he ignored me. No explanations at all. I don't think I still need any.
I'm sorry for the long post, but I hope it can give support to those who experienced similar things with me. Time will heal and you will be fine. I know this sounds old. But trust me, and most importantly trust yourself, that you will be fine. Thank you for reading.
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