I didn't read the whole thing, but congrats!
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I'm so sorry I haven't responded sooner everyone! I am more than happy to answer all your questions. I'm sorry to hear about your recent break up. if I can help at all, let me know. Break ups are never easy.
To answer the questions, I will try to sum up what all happened from break up til now. After six months of not talking, I just felt a need to reach out to him.. we'll call him J. I'm glad I did because he had just been deployed and it was his last free day before his work schedule got insanely busy. We both apologized and talked it over, but we clicked right back into being best friends. Since then, we normally didn't go more than a few days or so withour talking. Then about a year and a half later, I felt ready to date other people. So last year, I started dating this one guy.. he'll just be A. J hadn't really tried dating other people yet. A and I "dated" up until about two months ago. It wasn't a good relationship at all. But it taught me quite a lot, especially about loving people. I loved A, but we really never had a future. He wasn't the right guy. I realized I loved him the way J loved me. And it just woke me up that I could love J the right way now. It may sound like I jumped from A right back to J, but it wasnt like that for me. A was anti-commitment and very immature. But anyway, J started dating this one girl, and he didn't talk to me for 6 weeks this last winter. I actually cried to A about it because J had never just bailed on me for no reason. It wasn't how we treated one another as friends. While I dated A, J was still my best friend. My go-to person. But I knew he still had strong feelings towards me.. so if he needed space to give a relationship a shot, I understood. Well, finally he reaches out. Tells me this girl cheated on him and he needs a friend. Well, A had done the same to me. So we talked again. And while we didn't talk, I realized how much I missed him in my life. But I always thought I was no good for him. I come from a family that only knows divorce, he comes from a solid family. Statistically, I knew I didn't stand a shot at being what he deserved. Well, once we both got free from our toxic relationships, we just kind of clicked differently. I valued myself more, and he wasn't constantly flirting. Finally, we were talking on the phone and just admitted our feelings. I loved him as my best friend, and I know him so well. He knows me incredibly well too. When it's long distance, the emotional and mental bond is all you've got. Even without the physical bond yet, we just make sense. I finally love him the way he loves me.. the way people are supposed to be loved. He keeps me joking, I keep him serious. We are two totally different people, but somehow we work. If soulmates exist, he's mine. Without a doubt. His parents have this best friend marriage that seems to have never gotten old, and j and I really value it. It's kinda the goal we share. He's always believed that it was us in the end, despite the breakup. I'm finally allowing myself to believe in it again too. I guess to answer that final question, I knew we were better together than as just friends when I woke up the morning after I had told J I liked him still. I woke up happy, and I hadn't been in a long time. And i didn't feel anxious or stressed out. For once, I woke up and felt like I could breathe again, like some foot finally got off my chest. And I picked up an old hobby and I felt like myself. In relationships, I've always gotten lost. But wit him, he's seen all of my bad and good. Not physically, but in every other way he has. And being honest with him finally didn't scare me. It made me feel safe and just good. I'm not even in his presence and he feels like home to me. My soul is at rest when I'm with him. And as friends, it was like that.. but it felt like just a tiny bit was off. Now, it feels right. I know I'm rambling, but that's how I knew. I woke up and found myself. Being honest with the person you love should do that. With A, I always felt inadequate, even on our best days. With J, he sees my broken pieces and still sees me as enough. I hope that answers it all
if not, I'm always happy to share more. And I'm always happy to offer up any advice
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