Obsession with a Celebrity

[Riyuki]

Hi! I'm one of the many lurkers who love to read these forums without asking anything or saying anything but, I have a question.

My girlfriend absolutely loves the band Blind Guardian and has listened to all of their songs and albums for about a year now. More specifically, she is in love with the singer, Hansi Kursch from the group. She's drawn him, looked up and compared his astrology and horoscopes, knows about his likes and dislikes, listened or read all of his interviews, has a plethra of pictures on her computer of the band and more specifically, of him. Many times, it's such a turn off but I always try to keep strong.

There have been a few times when I have talked to her about it and even asked her, "Why do you like him/me so much?" in comparison and she says very nice things about me, but she is more detailed when talking about him. I can't say anything bad about him or anything either, even if it is a joke lol though she does laugh sometimes. However, she has alluded to me that she loves him a lot and would only "sleep" with two men in the world which is myself and Hansi, if given the chance (but because he's married, she would never believe he would do that). Sometimes I play devil's advocate and ask, "Well, if he wasn't married and didn't have a child and DID approach you, would you sleep with him?" and her answers are never the same. Sometimes it's a yes, and sometimes it's a "No, because it's wrong to you".

We talked about marriage a lot and since she has been listening to BG, I feel like I am one of those guys she is "settling" for and I don't feel special at all. Even when I do tell her what I am telling you guys, all she can say is "But you're special!" or something along those lines.

So maybe I am a little sensitive because I think the world of her and I feel like I am sharing a small piece of her heart with another man, who has the rest. She's tried to say, "You both live in different worlds though so you can't ask me to compare you two!". Now mind you, I am not against her having celebrity crushes and all. Just because I don't have any doesn't mean she doesn't have her liberties as well. I'm perfectly fine with listening to stuff she likes because I just like her company, even though we're long distance. However, I just feel like I never had her heart or that I am just a "second class citizen" to her...

Any ideas or hints or advice on what to actually do? I don't wanna be fickle and break up over 4 years of dating her over something I consider to be small but, what do I do to move up in her heart, if I can? I've sent her presents, I've tried to tell her romantic things, encouraged her, helped her in many situations, given her plenty of advice....We have actually done quite a bit for a long distance couple... So what can I do...

Thanks for reading

[Black_Halloween]

Its just a silly infatuation. Dan puts up with my band obsessions XD!

[temporaryuser]

honestly, she can idealize him all she wants in her mind. chances are, she will never meet him, or talk to him. And if she did, chances are, he would be nothing like what she has dreamed him up to be. Alot of people have infatuations with celebrities, some take it as far as being stalkers and insist that the celebrity feels the same for them
You are fighting a loosing battle if you try to one up this person or even compare yourself to him. You are who you are. You two fell for each other for a reason. i think this is more a probemlem of your self confidence than it is her obsession

[rubydissolution]

Out of curiosity...how old is she? I remember when I was in high school I was convinced I would meet and marry Justin Timberlake from N'Sync....obviously that was NEVER going to happen. But it didn't stop me from overplaying their music, finding out his likes and dislikes and trying to get into them too. I had so many pictures and went to numerous shows. At some point I fell out of the infatuation. That's all it is though, an infatuation. The person she idolizes can never be obtained, so why worry about it? She will wake up from this infatuation at some point, its just a phase.

My bf has a serious crush on Lzzy Hale from Halestorm. He loves their music n drags me to concerts. I got into the music and we have a secret pact that if by some miracle she ever wants to sex him up he can. We have the same agreement for me with Alexander Skaarsgard. Why agree to this? BC IT'S NEVER EVER GONNA HAPPEN!!! LOL. Try to get into the music if you can, and be supportive understanding that this is all a phase!

[Fretboard_Magic]

Blind Guardians! Awesome choice indeed.

Now, dude, two things: one, you're comparing yourself to Hansi! Comparing yourself to other people is tempting. BUT, avoid doing that. You're you, and Hansi's Hansi. Forget the fact that he's a celebrity, your girl's with you because she wants YOU. And two, you're actually right up there with the guy as far as she's concerned. I would take that as a serious compliment if I were you.

Truth is that most of us DO have these celebrity crushes, or have had them at various times in our lives. I certainly have, and I recently made my girl jealous(she was so cute about it too, lol) because I told her I was watching My So Called Life on YouTube, and that I used to have a huge crush on Claire Danes, lol. I crush on celebrities all the time, but those are just celebrity crushes. They may even hold special places your heart forever but they tend to belong more so in its nostalgic section than anywhere else. A lot of my own celebrity crushes are like that, anyway.

I would say, be proud that you get to be one of only TWO people your girlfriend would ever sleep with, and the other guy being Hansi of all people. That's flattering man. My girlfriend has told me she likes a Hollywood actor, and yet she's with me. Actually, she recently told me she's changed her mind about him, but honestly I don't mind if she likes him. If she finds a celebrity attractive, that's totally fine with me.

Does she also like Rhapsody Of Fire, or HammerFall maybe? \m/

[mellif]

Don't worry about "living up" to this guy. You guys have been dating for 4 years!! Wow! Made it past the 3 year itch right? That's so awesome. She must think you're really special, so don't even think about what she sees in this celebrity and keep up the good work!

[TwoThree]

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, but I find it hilarious that a girl would have such an obsession with Hansi Kursch I mean what you described would be more fitting for a member of One Direction or something. But it's very sweet I'm quite certain she will outgrow it if you are patient enough with her.

[SJ22]

If she is making you feel 'that you are OK-ish to settle with' then there is something wrong.
Id say talk to her about it because its obviously something you are not comfortable and happy with.

[Fretboard_Magic]

I personally think this is just the OP's being insecure about himself more than anything else, though... *shrugs*

[LadyDaemon]

I personally think this is just the OP's being insecure about himself more than anything else, though... *shrugs*

That's how I see it too. He's a guy in a band that she'll never meet a day in her life,and even IF she did it'd probably be for nothing more then an autograph. Everyone has their celebrity/band crushes at some point. I honestly think if she didn't want you and thinks of you the way you think she does,she wouldn't be with you. I'm bi and I had a thing for Victoria,Baby and Ginger spice,but that didn't mean that I was going throw any relationships away over it. It's something that will most likely never happen so I really wouldn't be concerned with it too much.

[Riyuki]

All very insightful and yea I have a degree of insecurity lol. I won't lie.

rubydissolution: She's 22 about to be 23. I actually enjoy their music and all kinds of other music lol. She's just over-the-top sometimes with her poems about him but I'll relax and wait out this phase. Just another part of life!

Fretboard_Magic: She just loves power metal all together. The two you mentioned, Dark Moor, Ayreon, Stratovarius--She is just a big fan of the genre!

But everyone thank you for your comments. I honestly really enjoy the forum and the positivity here. Certainly helped me out a lot with my own thoughts.

[CanadianGirl]

I think it's completely justified to ask her to tone it down a little (i.e. not endlessly gush over a celebrity) if it's hurting you. I think you shouldn't worry about hypotheticals because she clearly chose you, but she also shouldn't be going out of her way to make you feel small.

[Xanahtas]

My bf has a serious crush on Lzzy Hale from Halestorm. He loves their music n drags me to concerts. I got into the music and we have a secret pact that if by some miracle she ever wants to sex him up he can. We have the same agreement for me with Alexander Skaarsgard. Why agree to this? BC IT'S NEVER EVER GONNA HAPPEN!!! LOL. Try to get into the music if you can, and be supportive understanding that this is all a phase!

Me and my SO have the exact same thing going on, i have a huge obsession with Bruno Mars and he has a thing for Rachel McAdams! We've both said that by miracle the chance arises, its all good! :')

I do think that if its bothering you that much, she should tone it down. But i do also think you shouldnt get too bothered by it because its a guy in a band she'll never meet and the phase will soon be over. Just be honest with her and say "Look, you talking about him like this all the time is making me feel a little crap about myself" or something along those lines. I'm sure, soon enough, she'll grow out of the phase and it'll all be fine Good Luck!

[Fretboard_Magic]

All very insightful and yea I have a degree of insecurity lol. I won't lie.

Fretboard_Magic: She just loves power metal all together. The two you mentioned, Dark Moor, Ayreon, Stratovarius--She is just a big fan of the genre!

But everyone thank you for your comments. I honestly really enjoy the forum and the positivity here. Certainly helped me out a lot with my own thoughts.

Don't worry about it. ;-) We all get insecure from time to time. But it all comes down to how strong your convictions are toward your relationship. To be in a committed relationship and being happy in it means one basically perceives one's partner to be extra special and extra kickass compared to all others. But that doesn't mean some of those other people don't come "close". I've met such girls...those girls who are, I suppose what I could refer to as, "close calls", if you will. For some people, perhaps these close calls might also include celebrities.

I remember several years ago when I had an opportunity to exchange email with a very famous Chinese musician at the time. She was part of a very popular group that was HUGE in Japan at the time, and I found myself crushing on her pretty heavily. I'm actually a musician myself, so one thing led to another and I somehow managed to acquire her email address. She and I spoke of possibly working together on a project, but that ended up not happening in the end. But the thing is that, back then, I was feeling pretty positive that she and I could develop a friendship with time, and eventually result in some kind of romantic thing... Well, that never happened, lol. I believe she and I just weren't meant to become romantically involved. But with my girlfriend, I believe wholeheartedly that she and I were meant to cross paths and be romantically involved.

Hansi is great, but he isn't the one to offer your girlfriend support when she needs it, a shoulder to cry on when she's upset, to make her laugh when she's in the car with you, to hold her hands at a candlelit table in one corner of a restaurant, to hold her when she needs to be held. It's YOU, and I think your SO knows that. ;-)

Power metal fan! That's always cool. I'm into pretty much everything, but I went through my metalhead phase as a teen and part of me still is pretty metal, so I can definitely dig those power metal bands. ;-) I like Storatovarius and Jens Johansson's involvement with the band. I've liked Jens since his Yngwie days. xD But that's a bit off-topic I guess, eh? lol :-p

I'm glad you've found everyone's comments to be helpful man. Most important of all, DO communicate well with your SO. Communication, in my opinion, is a single most important thing in any relationship. :-)

[miss_jaclynrae]

I honestly feel like it is childish of his GF to be so obsessed. Especially to the extent of what he describes. That isn't healthy, and I could see it being hurtful to him.