Maybe it's me?

[Hkh8871]

Hey guys. So I've posted a few times about issues I've had with my LDR (now 10 months, he lives in America, I live in Europe for 6 months of the year and the other 6 in America).

My biggest fear is that I am convincing myself of the worst in a way to protect myself. In my past relationships I have been hurt and cheated on and just treated horribly and I was so invested in these relationships and I put these men on such a pedastool that I feel as though my entire relationship with my SO now has been me constantly trying to convince myself that the bad is just around the corner, to not hold on too tightly or be too invested or to put him on a pedastool. That all these problems that I come up with are just in my head and in reality he is a good boyfriend- not the best type of movie boyfriend but a stable, committed nice guy. My friend had told me that was the case because he does do everything for me- he sacrifices other trips to take the trip to see me, he takes me out, he kisses me and holds my hand and talks of the future together. But it’s the things like the communication (yes he is incredibly busy at work and there is a 6 hour time difference and he is very stressed out- he has a severe case of ADD and takes a lot of adderall for it), and that he hasn’t said he loves me yet that make me second guess everything.

[differentcountries]

It is not easy to say I love you. sometimes it is very easy, sometimes a bit harder. Having not said I love you in 10 monhts is not incredibly bad, if acts like like really likes you.

Want more texts or e-mails or messages on Facebook? Ask him. He probably have the time to write something short at some moment in the day, and then you can read whatever he wrote when you wake up, log in etc.

[squeeker]

I think differentcountries has good points... maybe you could ask if he could message you on facebook when he gets time or whatever messaging platform you use to communicate, so it doesn't depend on him and you being online at the same time, if that is really difficult right now. Don't stress about him not saying I love you, it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or really like you, it just probably means he takes it seriously and wants to make sure it's right, probably double sure.. I don't know how long you knew each other before starting your relationship.. my SO and I met online and we didn't actually officially start our relationship until we said our "I love yous" though he said it before me, I took more time since it was my first relationship and I was scared to say it too soon. But a lot of people start their relationships in the flirtation get to know you stage.. and in a way I guess my SO and I were in a bit of a relationship for a year before we were official, but we just didn't label it as such. So that shows you that it basically took me a little under a year to say it, so 10 months of not saying it yet isn't too bad. Try not to worry about it.

Try not to let your past experiences influence this one.. although you want to keep your eye out for similarities, you also want to give him a chance to be a better boyfriend for you and he can't do that if you always compare him or get worried he is bad. It sounds like he is trying his best. I hope things work out for you two. Good luck!

[Hkh8871]

I guess i need to just work on my self confidence and my own self worth. He has been very sweet and talkative since he left-given i am also being very sweet and more talkative since i am letting go of the anger and resentment i held on to for the past few weeks. I guess you get from it what you put in

We were never friends before we dated- we were unofficially together for two months before he finally made me his girlfriend- so officially we have only been together since February

[maja]

Have you said I love you?

I agree, that you should try and let your guard down a bit. Protecting yourself is always good but always being on the watch for being hurt all over again is too much, even though it's hard to overcome this wall you have built around yourself (I know the feeling and the process is hard).
In conclusion I would say work on the issues you have yourself and if feel comfortable tell him about these issues and that you are trying to get past those, so he has some insight on your feelings

[Hkh8871]

well one time in an argument- not really an argument but i was going to break up with him and i said that i was in love with him but couldn't do this anymore or be with him anymore blah blah. we obviously got through it but he never said anything and i never said anything ever again. it's just scary to open myself up to being broken again