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    #1

    I need advice :(

    My LDR and I have been fighting a lot these last days. When I speak to him, he tells me that everything is ok and that I have to relax, that he loves me very much.
    The problem here is that he hasn't been available for me at all, he doesn't answers me the phone and I have to wait for his phone call. He spends all the time free he has with his friends, and I don't have a problem with that I like to spend time with my friends myself, but doesn't he have 5 minutes to call me and tell me that he won't been answering the phone because he is going to be busy?
    Also everytime we fight he always tell me that I don't have plans to go to Russia anytime soon and that makes him very angry. But he knows that I don't work, I am just a student and that even that I want to work, my career is very demanding (I am in med school), and the price of tickets is not helping too (If you know a web place where tickets are very cheap or a way to travel to Russia cheaper please let me know! PLEASE!)

    I don't know if I am just being paranoic, but think he is having second thoughts about him and me but he is not telling me anything. Should I stop answering his phone calls and texting him back so he knows how I feel? Or what do I do? We have had this conversation at least 3 times before, and everytime he tells me he is going to change and stuff(he looks very upset when I tell him that this is not working out anymore).

    I need some perspective here!! Thank you very much for your replies
    Tags: None
    #2
    Why can't he go visit you?



    Met online: 1/30/11
    Met in person: 5/30/12
    Second visit: 9/12/12
    Closed the distance: 1/26/13!!!

    Comment

      #3
      Do you know what triggered the fighting? Personally, I would give him a couple days and let him cool off a bit. Maybe you both need that extra space, just for a bit.

      I wouldn't ignore him--that doesn't really say much about how you feel. If you ignore him, he might feel the same way as you do now. I'm sure you don't intend to make him feel that way, though, but I understand how you feel. My SO is like this sometimes. I often find myself thinking, "how is it possible that he didn't even have 30 seconds to tap out a message to me?" There are a million things that could have happened, but most of all my SO is very forgetful. It's nothing even to do with me personally.

      Since you mentioned that this has happened several times, I would use a very direct method and confront him about it. That's the only way to really face the problem.

      However, it looks like he still wants to be in a relationship with you, and I hope it works out!

      Best of luck I'm very sorry that you're going through this! It sounds very tough :/ If you ever need anything, message me!

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by Dezface View Post
        Why can't he go visit you?
        He just left Mexico 3 weeks ago, he stayed here for 2 weeks (beautiful weeks btw )

        Comment

          #5
          it really seems to me that he is kinda...not as much into LDR as you are.talk to him and ask him straight whats going on.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by Irina_Linn View Post
            it really seems to me that he is kinda...not as much into LDR as you are.talk to him and ask him straight whats going on.
            Yes, we met in Cuba 7 months ago, and last month he came to visit me in Mexico for two weeks. The next thing to do is that I go to Russia and visit him. But, I think I should ask straight for the last time what's going on?

            Comment

              #7
              Do you know what triggered the fighting? Personally, I would give him a couple days and let him cool off a bit. Maybe you both need that extra space, just for a bit.

              I wouldn't ignore him--that doesn't really say much about how you feel. If you ignore him, he might feel the same way as you do now. I'm sure you don't intend to make him feel that way, though, but I understand how you feel. My SO is like this sometimes. I often find myself thinking, "how is it possible that he didn't even have 30 seconds to tap out a message to me?" There are a million things that could have happened, but most of all my SO is very forgetful. It's nothing even to do with me personally.

              Since you mentioned that this has happened several times, I would use a very direct method and confront him about it. That's the only way to really face the problem.

              However, it looks like he still wants to be in a relationship with you, and I hope it works out!

              Best of luck I'm very sorry that you're going through this! It sounds very tough :/ If you ever need anything, message me!
              I think it would be nice for me to give him a couple of days off, to cold down this fighting environment

              Comment

                #8
                Yeah, I think so too! Have you tried this before?

                Comment

                  #9
                  I think he doesn't sound too understanding of your situation, it IS very expensive to fly all the way from Mexico to Russia :/ (especially as a student).. He should definitely not be mad at you if you cannot book flights right away!

                  I would also suggest to let the situation cool down a bit and when you have a longer time to talk, for example on Skype, let him know how you feel- but try to be calm I think it's totally understandable that you want him to be more reachable and at least get a quick text message if he is busy and cannot communicate with you for a while (it only takes 30 seconds to do that). In order for LDR to work out I think communication is crucial.

                  I hope things get better for you and your SO. Hang in there!

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Why can't he buy you tickets to Russia for a Christmas gift?
                    Made it official: 12-01-10
                    First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
                    Closed the distance: 07-31-13

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I've been having a similar problem with being able to afford plane tickets. My SO and I have talked about it and since he can't come visit me because of his schedule he has no problem helping out with the cost of a ticket for me to come see him. However, I recently discovered an app called "Skyscanner" that allows you to put in your destination and search for the cheapest flights available over a period of months. It also tells you whether it would be cheaper to purchase two one-way tickets (potentially even with separate airlines) than to get a round-trip ticket. The app searches the websites of all major airlines as well as online transportation sites such as hotwire, expedia, travelocity, etc. I would also check with all your friends to see if anyone has sky miles they've earned that can be redeemed for a ticket (unlikely but would be worth asking). I hope this helps.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        in my opinion still its not about "its is normal in LDR" or "help me find the best price".the problem is deeper aka why cant he devote 5 minutes per day for you and why he gets angry that you cant come?seriously?

                        Comment

                          #13
                          He doesnt seem very understaning, supportive or helpful to me...
                          Thought men were all about solutions and not focussed on the problem so much :/
                          "If you say you can't, you just don't want to"

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Yes, he is going to give 50% of the plane ticket, but he just come to Mexico and he spent a LOT of money...
                            But thank you all guys, you made me realized that I am not just crazy, but that we really have a problem.. thank you very much

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