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4 months with hardly any contact?

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    #1

    4 months with hardly any contact?

    I had kind of made a post about this before but I closed the thread.
    I still havent made a final decision yet so I hope you guys have some input...

    Short summary: We met 2 years ago. Started dating in the beginning of feb because I lived in his country for 6 months. I am back home and since august we are long distance (that is if you dont really count the 2 years before this because it was nothing official.) Now we see each other every month for a few days or a short week.
    He's doing a language course English (for teaching) and for that you need to go to China or Korea to teach for 4 months.
    I dont know if I can go 4 months with hardly any contact. Both of those countries have a messed up timezone compaired to mine and we wont be able to have much contact. I suck at long distance anyways and we barely make it from one month to the other. Naturally he doesn't need that much contact but I do. This causes some friction between us already.
    I am afraid I will be really unhappy those months and I dont know what to do
    Smile every once in a while =)
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    #2
    I know that it won't be easy, but I don't understand why you won't be able to have much contact? There are many couples on LFAD that have really huge time differences and, although it's not ideal, you find a way to make it work. Maybe you write each other little daily emails/texts to keep up the contact. Or maybe you find two times per week that you can have 1 hour skype sessions. Or maybe you go old-school romance and write each other snail mail. Where there's a will. there's a way!

    Also, 4 months is relatively short and totally doable!

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by mllebamako View Post
      I know that it won't be easy, but I don't understand why you won't be able to have much contact? There are many couples on LFAD that have really huge time differences and, although it's not ideal, you find a way to make it work. Maybe you write each other little daily emails/texts to keep up the contact. Or maybe you find two times per week that you can have 1 hour skype sessions. Or maybe you go old-school romance and write each other snail mail. Where there's a will. there's a way!

      Also, 4 months is relatively short and totally doable!
      Because right now we are already speaking about the fact that I am unhappy that I hear something from him maybe 2 -3 times a day. No skype no calling. He just doesnt need that much contact but I need more than that. He cant even give me that now, what about when we are in a different timezone... (Now we are one hour apart)
      Atleast now I have a visit to look forward too and I can kind of deal with the little contact I have but then I wont see him for 4 months or more

      I know there are loads of couples who do this but I guess they are better at LDR than I am... I just start to doubt everything rather quickly
      Last edited by sweetdevil; November 8, 2013, 09:52 AM. Reason: added some stuff
      Smile every once in a while =)

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by sweetdevil View Post
        Because right now we are already speaking about the fact that I am unhappy that I hear something from him maybe 2 -3 times a day. No skype no calling. He just doesnt need that much contact but I need more than that. He cant even give me that now, what about when we are in a different timezone... (Now we are one hour apart)
        Atleast now I have a visit to look forward too and I can kind of deal with the little contact I have but then I wont see him for 4 months or more

        I know there are loads of couples who do this but I guess they are better at LDR than I am... I just start to doubt everything rather quickly
        Have you expressed to him that you need/would like more contact? If it's a problem for you, let him know. My boyfriend is also pretty independent, and it's no secret that if we were both that way we'd probably talk a lot less than we do, but I made it known that I wanted him to keep in contact more because that's what made it easier for me. Now he does it naturally and we don't often have problems were he doesn't communicate, etc. But I still don't see why you wouldn't be able to have contact with him during those months? There are so many different ways to stay in contact! E-mails, texts, skype, you can even send video messages (make a private video on youtube, skype also offers that option, etc) and he can answer back! There really are a lot of different ways to help you guys stay in contact, even if it's only a few times a day, if you want to be together, you'll have to make it work. Plus, four months really isn't that long. I am nearing the end of the 4 1/2 months away from my SO and I can't believe how fast it's gone by! Just keep busy, go out with friends, pick up a hobby, again, soo MANY options, just explore them and see what works best for you. Like mllebamako said, where there's a will, there's a way! Good luck.
        started dating: 12/08/12
        "i love you": 04/12/13
        el paso: 07/24/13 - 08/05/13
        montreal: 12/13/13 - 01/03/14
        el paso: 01/05/14 - 01/19/14
        montreal: 05/30/14 - 07/27/14
        el paso: 07/27/14 - 08/18/14
        el paso: 12/27/14 - 01/16/15
        el paso: 06/02/15 - 08/17/15
        san antonio: 02/04/16 - 02/08/16
        san antonio/el paso: 06/03/16 - 06/21/16

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          #5
          I have expressed that to him but he doesnt seem to take it seriously. He has been in LDR before and I guess she was OK with hardly any contact.
          I think he is not romantic enough and too busy to do any of those contact ideas. He doesnt even seem bother to do them now after work.
          And I dont really want to be his 'burden' like he HAS to send me messages
          Smile every once in a while =)

          Comment

            #6
            Maybe you should tell him when he goes to the other country that you need to have more contact with him or you don't feel like you'll last. I don't mean say it like a threat, but rather, tell him he should take your feelings into consideration. Doesn't he want you to be happy?

            Comment

              #7
              Actually we've decided to end it just now...
              Smile every once in a while =)

              Comment

                #8
                for you
                "If you say you can't, you just don't want to"

                Comment

                  #9
                  Im sorry it didnt work out but maybe its for the best. Communication is really important and if you are on two differant playing fields so to speak its not gonna work.

                  I wish the best for you.
                  Made it official: 12-01-10
                  First visit: 3-29-13/4-09-13
                  Closed the distance: 07-31-13

                  Comment

                    #10
                    I agree with BH, his ex was his ex for a reason and now he has lost you too. LDRs need communication, just like CD do. Unless both partners are totally okay to have little communication it won't work. You might not think you should push for it and become a burden but also he should love you enough to want to make you happy and give it you. I think when most people say they "just don't need that much communication" what they mean is "I am just not that into this".
                    "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                    Benjamin Franklin

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Originally posted by sweetdevil View Post
                      I have expressed that to him but he doesnt seem to take it seriously. He has been in LDR before and I guess she was OK with hardly any contact.
                      I think he is not romantic enough and too busy to do any of those contact ideas. He doesnt even seem bother to do them now after work.
                      And I dont really want to be his 'burden' like he HAS to send me messages
                      Are messages the main thing, or just any contact? I think my SO would find it hard to write more than 2-3 texts a day, but he makes up for it with Skyping (or sometimes calling). After work many people are tired, but at least some nights there should be time for Skyping or at least a quick call to say "I love you" before bed. I don't consider myself very romantic, but it is nice to hear that someone misses you. And what about him; is he getting all that he needs? is he satisfied overall? The two of you need to sort this thing out before he goes to Asia, otherwise you might as well break up with him before he goes.
                      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Uhm thanks for the reply but as you said; i might as well break up. So thats what we did yesterday as you can read on page 1
                        And no, no skype and no calling. Just those messages. Also in weekends.
                        Smile every once in a while =)

                        Comment

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