Should I even ask?

[kmarie1293]

Okay, so my boyfriend and I have just reached our 1 year and he just got back from a 7month trip working over 1200miles away and I couldn't be happier And so reaching this point, and getting to where we are, especially with us being long distance our 1st year of dating and that distance being quadrupled 5 months into our relationship and then us going through his Dad's passing, needless to say: this year has had it's shares of ups and downs... and it all really got me thinking about the future...I know that I want to be with him forever, I've never been more sure about wanting someone in my life and I know he feels the same. And my Mom feels the same way...I think. I know that she absolutely loves him (my whole family does) and I know he is actually pretty close to my Mom. My Mom's only concern is that he's not in school...She's proud of him for what he's doing, but he is a HUGE advocate for college and really wants him to go, just so that he has that security and that he has it under is belt. Which I can totally understand because I mean anyone can still do what they love, even if it doesn't REQUIRE a full education, but still have that education under their belt for security in case (God forbid) he ever got hurt and couldn't do what he does anymore. And then especially if we started a family (I say "if" just so I'm not jumping to any major conclusions, though I am more than positive I want it to happen) I would want that extra security for us and I would like to have the availability for him to be around more often at some point in the future because with what he does now...even if I did move to where his job is, he'd still be gone 5 days a week for 7months out of the year, where he really is unreachable (he works on a boat). He has said before that college isn't really for him, he's kind of really hyperactive and always has to be doing something with his hands and such but he has never really said flat out no that he will never want to go to college. He pushes/encourages me in college all the time, I'm a sophomore and sometimes I kid around saying: "I think I've done enough schooling, I don't wanna go back" and he gets pretty serious about wanting me to finish and pushing me towards finishing (which I fully intend to) So is it such a bad thing for me to ask him to go back to school? He graduated high school 3 years ago now and I don't think he has any big motivation to actually do it because he loves what he does and wants to continue moving forward to it and I want him to. But I think that I also want him to, during his off-season, go to school. I wouldn't ask him to like drop everything and go to a 4 year university or anything but just do school slowly, just so that he has it under his belt for the future...is that something that would better left for him to decide on his own/ something I shouldn't ask about?

[Alsfia]

I wouldn't pressure him to go to school or even ask him, rather I'd present it as an idea to him that could be beneficial to both his future as an individual and yours as a couple.

[Zephii]

I would ask "Have you ever thought of doing school in your off season?" and leave it at that. I don't think it's your, or anyone else's place to ask him to go back to school. If you want the security of a college education in your relationship, get one for yourself. A career is a very personal thing, so let him kinow you'd support him going back if he's ever keen, but if it's not for him then it's not for him.
I personally don't think post-secondary education is the only road to success, and there seem to be a great deal of graduates not working in their fields anyway. If he's a hard worker, respect the effort he is already putting in and let it go

[Anonymous2]

I agree not to pressure him too much about going back if he's been adamant that it's not for him. However, perhaps there's an associates degree or certification that he could get? A lot of times those help tremendously with the jobs people already have, they take far less time, are far more understanding of peoples' hectic schedules, and cost a lot less to obtain. Plus, studies have recently shown that people who graduate with a 2-year degree initially make more money in their jobs than do 4 year graduates. Granted, there is a bigger limit on the amount of money they will end up making in the long haul, but perhaps he'd be more receptive to an idea like this that allows him to keep doing what he's doing and potentially build on that.

[differentcountries]

I think you should be a little caucus to give him job/education advice after only dating him for a year. And get a little suspicious when you quote your Mum... From what I can tell he loves his job and you are the only one having a problem with it taking away in the workday, and you don't even live with him... You may present it as something like; if I am to consider living with you, I would prefer for you to not work those shifts, because I long to spend lots of time with you. How could that be possible? Then he could tell if if it is possible for him to do something differently and how he would accomplish that. Let him know that is ok if he does not study, but you worry about time and also money if he does not, in the future with you and perhaps a family. Take it from there.

[LadyDaemon]

I agree with Zephii on this one.

[Black_Halloween]

I would ask "Have you ever thought of doing school in your off season?" and leave it at that. I don't think it's your, or anyone else's place to ask him to go back to school. If you want the security of a college education in your relationship, get one for yourself. A career is a very personal thing, so let him kinow you'd support him going back if he's ever keen, but if it's not for him then it's not for him.
I personally don't think post-secondary education is the only road to success, and there seem to be a great deal of graduates not working in their fields anyway. If he's a hard worker, respect the effort he is already putting in and let it go

This

[silvermoonfairy3]

Agreed, I wouldn't push it. It sounds like things are both going well for him and how he wants them. If that changes for him/you both, perhaps he would think more about college, but I don't think it's necessary to bring that up now. Especially since he has said college isn't for him.

In a lot of ways, I think the problems we're facing now with student loans and oversaturated job markets is a result of pushing everyone to go to college, and I think in some ways it's a detrimental mindset.

He can always keep it as an option/go later if it's something that he needs or that will be a good career move, etc.