Oops I'm afraid I freaked him out

[Rachelm920]

So I was talking with my SO tonight and I completely spazzed on him..

We were talking about how where he lives doesn't have a lot of work this time of year. I started saying that I want to be with him and Idk how much longer I can take the distance and i just want to be with him physically. He mentioned that he doesn't want to move back to our home state where I live so I said there's no work for you there and there's no work for me there so where does that leave us? There was this awkward silence that we've never had in our relationship. Neither of us really knew what to say. So then I said I don't want to live here anymore either. I lost my grandmother a little over a year ago and she was the only reason I never left. So we have to figure it out. I don't care where we go as long as there's work. We talked a little more then he was like well I'll call you later.

Is he freaked out or am I over thinking again?

[Black_Halloween]

Over thinking.

[squeeker]

I don't think there's anything to worry about.. just that you both will have to think clearly about your options, because even if it's far away, it helps to have a goal of what you do. But try and not freak out now because just because you don't know what to do doesn't mean it's hopeless. It might mean you are in a LDR until you can find work together in the same city.. but it's okay if that takes longer. You will be able to handle the distance as long as it takes. Stay strong. He's probably not freaking out but maybe just needed to think about it more.. thinking isn't a bad thing. Try not to over think. It's okay.

[differentcountries]

Well he might think you are a bit eager to move to him. What you might consider is the both of you relocating to a place where you can find work. Moving is expensive, so that is best to to when you have something to move to, unless you feel especially adventurous. Also, is moving before you have had time to greave the best option?But hey, it was only a remark so the two of you have plenty of time to consider where you should live and apply for work.

[itsjen516]

i think your over thinking it. call him later and just tell him what you mant and just incase say sorry even if its not a big deal

[LadyDaemon]

I'll say that spazzing on him probably wasn't the greatest idea,but I don't think it did any damage lol. It just might've felt sudden to him if you had never brought it up before or even if you had never brought anything up in the manner in which you brought it up in before. I don't know,I'm just speculating here. Anyway,just talk to him about it in a nice calm manner and see if maybe you both can come to a compromise. That may mean the both of you picking up from your own individual states and moving to another state to live together. I know I moved to Arizona 5 months ago (on the 15th of this month) and now we're both relocating to Florida so he can go to university. Just wait until he calls and then just talk to him about it. I don't think it's really as big of a deal as you think. Good luck!

[snow]

I think he just realized that there is another whole possibility that you two have not talked about - moving together into another state/country instead of moving to one another. I wouldn't worry about it too much and see what he says.

[Rachelm920]

Thank you guys for your understanding and support. We actually have discussed a total new place all together. We're both kinda "free spirits" so we can't make up our minds on what we want exactly LOL. For me to leave my comfort zone is hard, I've been at my job for 14 years, which is almost half my life. So that's a bit of a struggle for me. We talked a bit more this morning and he told me he's been putting a lot of thought into what he actually wants to do. I don't want to read into it too much because I don't want to get my hopes up. In my 34 years, I've done that way too much and it seems I always have a let down. It sounds cold, but I've been through a lot. I told him today that I don't want to pressure him to move from where he is, but I truly believe that where he is at is not a good place for him as far as work and other things go. I also told him that even if it's not to move with me that I think he should move elsewhere. He agreed with me!

As far as the grieving for my grandma, that is something that I've been dealing with pretty well. My 16-year-old and I have matching tattoos on our wrists as a tribute to her, and I know that she's here with me. It was weird how everything in my life kinda happened at once, starting with her sickness and death. I believe it was her spirit (or angel) that pushed the other things along. I walk around with her in my heart everyday, because I know she's part of me.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Can I ask what you both do? Will finding jobs in the same city be particularly challenging because you have specialized fields, or anything? (My guy is applying for professor jobs, so... that's kinda "go where you get hired" lol. But, fortunately my job is not quite that specialized.)

Also, would your daughter be moving with you? Is the plan to move soon? Just wondering about uprooting if she's 16.. that's kind of a tough time to change schools. (Or does she live with her other parent most of the time/are you moving after she's done with HS, etc.)

(I do think you're overthinking though, I bet he was just caught offguard.

[Rachelm920]

Can I ask what you both do? Will finding jobs in the same city be particularly challenging because you have specialized fields, or anything? (My guy is applying for professor jobs, so... that's kinda "go where you get hired" lol. But, fortunately my job is not quite that specialized.)

Also, would your daughter be moving with you? Is the plan to move soon? Just wondering about uprooting if she's 16.. that's kind of a tough time to change schools. (Or does she live with her other parent most of the time/are you moving after she's done with HS, etc.)

(I do think you're overthinking though, I bet he was just caught offguard.

He's a jack of all trades, can find work anywhere. Me, I have gone to school for Information Technology, but currently work with inventory so either one would work. My DD16 is a JR in high school, and we're not sure what we'll do yet. She's not planning on attending college here, wants to move to TX. We were actually talking about just going to TX now LOL but I haven't approached that one with my SO yet. The other option would be for her to go with her dad. He lives close by, they have a good relationship and he has the room. It's been thought of but I haven't really made any major decisions yet. I'm kind of waiting for more of a commitment from my SO also, it's all fine and dandy to say that he wants to get married and have a child but actions speak louder than words.