How do I stop being clingy?

[PalmTrees]

talked to my dad about the situation.. he told me not to surprise and to just ask to spend the evening together or whatever.. what do all think?

[kikidee]

talked to my dad about the situation.. he told me not to surprise and to just ask to spend the evening together or whatever.. what do all think?

I think you should say "I can visit you anytime, let me know when I should" since its so hard for her to not have you there or something like that. I mean it sounded like she was thinkng about her ex cuz her ex can see her. However, yes, don't force it and no surprise meeting, at least not during this rough patch especially when you're already clingy.

[Black_Halloween]

You need to start to actually listen to the people posting instead of doing the total opposite.

I will say this one.last.time: BACK OFF OF HER. Do what she wants you to do, give SPACE until she comes around. Geeze

[Rugger]

You need to start to actually listen to the people posting instead of doing the total opposite.

I will say this one.last.time: BACK OFF OF HER. Do what she wants you to do, give SPACE until she comes around. Geeze

I agree with this. Until she is more comfortable, Let her initiate, especially visits.

[differentcountries]

Don't surprise her. You are a little bit too much in her face already. A little visit, that she knows of forehand, is probably fine, but not right after the ex talk. Show her that you are there, but at the same time giving her space. If you write her a letter, keep it short. If you send her flowers, not the whole store. Just find the middle ground

[chizatlauren]

Hi PalmTrees,

If I were your girlfriend I'll also ask you to give me some space. Three months into the relationship and you're talking about moving in with her. I think it's too soon. Make it last for about six more months, visit each other often (cause three hours isn't that long I guess), then consider moving in once you've gotten to know each other better AND she's already comfortable with you moving in.

I've been in a six-year relationship and I still don't want my SO to move in with me, so I think it really depends on the girl. Don't make hasty decisions just because you want to. Love sometimes clouds our judgement.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I'm kinda with Black_Halloween on this. You need to back off.

If I told a guy I needed space, and he was doing the things you're doing, I would end it. Especially if if I was working a lot, and had confused feelings about my ex, and told the guy I was seeing all these things, and then he was like "okay, well I'll come visit!" I would just start to get annoyed, and/or feel smothered.

If SHE says something again about missing you/not being around (and not when she's been drinking) then, and only then, would I throw out a casual "how about I come spend a night with you?"
Otherwise, I think you need to chill.

[emsimes]

Hey PalmTrees,
I understand that you miss your SO and you want to visit her, especially since you are afraid you might lose her. But I really have to agree with the other posters: it's crucial right now that you give her the space she needs.

I'm saying this because I went through a similar situation with my ex. He was extremely clingy and needy, and never gave me any space. He always wanted to be around me and never understood when I wanted to hang out with friends or do other things without him. Eventually, it cost me all my friendships with my girlfriends that I had known since childhood. He completely smothered me, and in the end, I did resent him for it. Let's just say that our relationship didn't end very well.

This is why your post worries me a bit. Because although you love her and want to visit her, you're not really respecting her space, especially since she's told you she needs it right now. I think you just need to relax and keep yourself occupied. Let her come to you. I know it might seem hard to back off, but I think it could save your relationship if you do.
Best of luck!

[her]

I understand you desperation, your eagerness, I do. Find a way to let some of it out prior or during your conversations? Such as a stress ball, or a hobby you could multitask with whilst talking.

Listen to her words, though. If nothing else, build a trusting foundation between the both of you. If she's not ready, don't push her. You could find other ways to show your love, though. Little insignificant things?

It seems overall that she is feeling suffocated at the moment. Take a deep breath, and step back. Reassure her that you'll be there for her whenever she needs it, but lower expectations of the conversation, of the relationship for a short amount of time. Give her time to figure herself out.