How do I stop being Jealous?

[bribri2729]

Hey everyone,

How can I stop being jealous when my SO goes and hangs out with his female friend? Please help!

Thanks

[differentcountries]

Explore your jealousy. Is it mostly fear? envy? do you feel left out? alone? insecure? a lost feeling? what is the bodily feeling of your jealousy? why do this girl trigger those feelings? What do you think will happen? What would you not be comfortable with happening? What is their current relationship? Do you and your partner have any specific "rules" about others? And can he do anything to ease your jealousy a bit? apart from what you will do yourself to soothe your feeling (depending on what your jealousy triggers).

Jelaousy can be about real issues (a partner withdrawing or cheating) but mostly it is about emotional issues that you need to deal with, alone and together with your SO.

[RachelAnne]

I'm a very jealous person, but I've been trying to be better about it. My SO knows how jealous I can get, and he usually had to constantly reassure me that there's nothing I have to worry about. Just try distracting yourself while you know he's hanging out with female friends and trust him. If it makes you feel better, see if he'll be willing to keep in touch with you every so often while he's out with them.

[differentcountries]

If it makes you feel better, see if he'll be willing to keep in touch with you every so often while he's out with them.

I totally do not recomend this method. This will only notify his friend that you are extremely jealous, which might trigger you to see her as competition, as well as detroying the flow of their evening, which may cause him to resent you. I had someone once call me once per hour when I was with a friend, as well as insisting on a fully detailed report when I got home. This did not in any way have a calming effect on the caller, it irritated me and made me feel distrusted, as well as created a serious tention between me and my friend.

[Deleted]

If this is something that bothers you, you should tell your SO about it. I admit to often feeling the same way. You just have to remember that he still loves you, and their friendship could be on the same status as if the friend were male.

[RachelAnne]

Lol, I meant just shoot a few texts when he gets a moment every once and a while.

[mellif]

Remind yourself that you love him, and he loves you. It's not easy, to give up that much trust for anyone. The only thing you can hold onto is that your love is special, and even if there's a girl that's cute, you are the only girl that really matters to him. The trust is hard because you have doubt that you're holding onto-- once you let go of that doubt and allow yourself to be vulnerable for him, the trust is much easier. Now, if you have evidence of cheating, that's different-- but for now, try to build up your trust little by little. It may not happen right away.

[bribri2729]

My problem is I got cheated on in the past and I'm scared it is going to happen again, and I always feel left out when he hangs out with his female friend because I feel like I should be there instead of her . At the same time I trust my SO because he's never given me a reason to not trust him.

[Rachelm920]

Remind yourself that you love him, and he loves you. It's not easy, to give up that much trust for anyone. The only thing you can hold onto is that your love is special, and even if there's a girl that's cute, you are the only girl that really matters to him. The trust is hard because you have doubt that you're holding onto-- once you let go of that doubt and allow yourself to be vulnerable for him, the trust is much easier. Now, if you have evidence of cheating, that's different-- but for now, try to build up your trust little by little. It may not happen right away.

I completely agree with what mellif said. I have trust issues also and after my SO had a long discussion /argument about him NOT being my ex and that he NEVER gave me a reason not to trust him, I thought it overnight. I realized that he was right. So I told him that I would try to trust him more and stop questioning every little thing that he does. You know what. It's done miracles for our relationship! I can't believe how much closer we have gotten since I let go. He tells me what's going on without my hounding him for answers... He just offers it. It feels strange for me but in a good way ... Because my ex wasn't honest and lied to me about a lot of things that I now know of... But it does take time, and I still do have that twinge of jealousy and distrust then I remember that he tells me everything so there's no need to worry.

[Fretboard_Magic]

I agree with Differentcountries, Mellif, and Rachelm on this situation.

As a guy who has many female friends, one piece of advice I can offer is this; remember that your partner's friends(male or female) do NOT have to be a threat to you. For instance, I personally have made it a point to explain to my girlfriend that my female friends(and the one ex I'm still friends with) are FRIENDS, and that's how I treat them as. I've done this for a very reason that I don't want any potential future jealousy issue to get out of hand. I've always felt closer to my female friends than to my guy friends for some reason, so it's important that my girlfriend understands that. I may have had some romantic attraction toward a number of them in the past, but the past is the past. Plus I was single back then. I call my girlfriend "girlfriend" for a good reason.

If you trust your boyfriend and he's never given you any reason not to trust him, then that's a very good thing. Nurture that trust through thorough communication(but do not confuse this with something like prying for instance), patience, and respect. This may help you improve your security issues as well over time. Eventually, you'll be able to have a chill outlook on the whole thing, and even if you get a bit jealous, it will be more like in a way that will make your boyfriend go something along the line of "aww, you're so cute when you're jealous", lol. :-p Well, at least I hope so, anyway. xD

Good luck.

[Rugger]

My problem is I got cheated on in the past and I'm scared it is going to happen again, and I always feel left out when he hangs out with his female friend because I feel like I should be there instead of her . At the same time I trust my SO because he's never given me a reason to not trust him.

Your SO IS NOT YOUR EX. He's not. I've been cheated on too in the past, sexually and emotionally abused, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make my SO pay for what my ex did for me. That is unfair to your SO.

I used to be extremely jealous due to my ex. But I said to myself, this is unhealthy and I need to stop. When I would get jealous, I would tell myself " Hes with me, not them". I would tell myself over and over and over. If he wanted them, he'd be with them and not me. The other thing that really helped me is building my self-esteem, since jealousy is a major lack of self- confidence. Once I fixed that, It was easy to get rid of the rest.

[Laural007]

I think everyone gave you some great advice. My SO and I will send each other a couple of texts every once in awhile just to show we are thinking about each othere, but we are just mushy like that

[bribri2729]

Thanks for the comments everyone, they're greatly appreciated