Boyfriend doesn't want to meet at his place?

[asha]

Hi! I met my SO on a dating website a couple months ago and since then we started out texting and emailing and then talking/skyping everyday. He asked me to be his girlfriend about a month ago and it was amazing at first - he was sweet and kind and gave me tons of compliments. But lately things are a bit more strained when we talk about meeting up (mostly I bring it up) and at first he wanted to come visit me but he doesn't have a passport yet (and it will be too late by Christmas) - he lives in USA and I'm in Canada. So I suggested visiting him - I get the time off covered, I have a passport and don't mind flying. But he says he doesn't want me to fly to his home (right now he is living with his parents) and he wasn't very specific why - only that he isn't in a rush to meet me (when it works out or feels right) and that he doesn't want too much expectation during a visit. But I get frustrated because if we don't have some sort of goal to meet soon, then it could go on for months maybe? He is planning to move west near Seattle area soon but that could be in next few months. Should I wait till he suggests meeting up and not bring it up or wait till he moves? Christmas just seems like such a good time to visit with the holidays....has anyone else had this happen??

Thanks!

[OperaDiva]

First of all, welcome to the forums

Second, I sorta see two options here. One, he thinks meeting you at Christmas is a little too much pressure and expectations - i.e. acting like a couple, buying presents, introducing you to the family and friends. Maybe he sees the first visit more like a weekend to meet up and see how you click. Two, he could have a girlfriend or some other issues that he doesn't want to talk to you about ... I would talk to him, suggest a pre-Christmas weekend visit or something, just the two of you!

[lovefrom2800milesaway]

A fellow Vancouverite, YAYYY!!
I'm from Vancouver too.

I think it might be a little too rushed if you're planning a Christmas meeting, like OperaDiva said. Christmas is like a month and a half away. I'm not sure where you guys stand and y'alls personality, but I'd say it's still pretty early and y'all are just starting to get to know each other; you don't need the expectations of Christmas and getting to know his family off the bat and all that stuff. Maybe suggest something in the New Year, or even for New Years where there's a little less pressure and a lot more alone time?

[differentcountries]

I can see that he does not want you coming for Christmas the first time, and also that him living with his parents can make things a bit strange. You might suggest coming up for a weekend (I think New Year also might be a bit too much preassure), you could stay in a hotel in or near his city. Anything that would be appropriate for meeting up with an online friend works for couples, too.

[Deleted]

If it's not clear to you exactly why, I would ask him. Always best to have clarification.

[Laural007]

I can see that he does not want you coming for Christmas the first time, and also that him living with his parents can make things a bit strange. You might suggest coming up for a weekend (I think New Year also might be a bit too much preassure), you could stay in a hotel in or near his city. Anything that would be appropriate for meeting up with an online friend works for couples, too.

I agree with differentcountries. It's quite possible he hasn't told his parents about you yet and it would be awkard and uncomfortable for you to be spending the Holidays with his family. Wait a bit and get to know each other a bit more and I bet when the time comes your bond will be even more powerful. Best of luck to you.

[LittleBox]

It seems like he just wants the relationship to grow a little and settle before he takes the leap and plans an official visit. There's nothing with taking things slow and waiting until the moment feels right. My boyfriend is going home for Thanksgiving in a couple of months and will be a few hours drive away but when we talked about it we had only been dating a couple of months and it seemed too rushed. He made it very clear that it was just something to discuss and that there was no pressure. So we decided to wait until February when I had my reading week to meet. I live at home too so we've budgeted for a hotel, flights etc. and are saving up.

You should put together a plan to make it seem like you're working towards a worthwhile goal and it will give you both time to grow together as a couple. Push it back a few months, there seems a lot of expectations around the holidays, he would probably much rather meet with you when you can spend proper quality time together.

[asha]

Thank you everyone for their suggestions/opinions!! I decided to let the matter drop as it's probably too much for me to visit at Christmas so maybe soon we can meet up in the middle (I'd say Las Vegas hehe)