Ok, so I met my SO 2 months ago on omegle she is from Canada ad I am from Australia and for the first few weeks we hit off very well always talking and for hours on end. We decides to start dating and she is going to come visit me for Christmas this year. Over the past few weeks I have notice that I am always the one who needs to iniate conversations and ask questions. If I was never to contact her for a few days I feel she wouldn't speak to me. When we do have conversations it's very one sides in the sense that I'm always trying to think of things to say and she doesn't really say much. We love each other alot but I'm just curious as to why she isn't very talkative.
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Have you asked her? -
I second asking her, it'll make things easier for the both of you. She might not realize that she's not talkative.Comment
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I was thinking thats what im gonna have to do i just dont want to upset her.. Well I should have added this to my iniate post but she does live with 5 of we school friends and has told me that she is rather shy. Anyway I'll speak to her tomorrow. Thanks
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It might be a little uncomfortable to ask her about it at first, just make sure to use a lot of statements beginning with "I" or "I feel" and avoiding using the word "you", since "you" can sometimes lead to statements that sound like you're blaming her rather than trying to work with her to solve the issue. I'd only use "you" in questions asking about how she feels.
example:
"babe, I feel like I have to carry most conversations; do I make you feel uncomfortable?" < good
vs.
"I feel you aren't talking enough and I have to initiate most conversations" < not as goodComment
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I also agree with asking her directly, and Mellif's point about I statements vs. you statements is a great one to keep in mind for potentially-touchy subjects. In my experience, it helps diffuse things/not put each other on the defensive, which is so important for open communication.
One thing to consider, it's also possible that she's just not super talkative by nature. If that's the case, it could be fine that she's not as talkative, because it would mean that she's feeling comfortable with being quiet and feels like she can be herself.
But definitely open up the lines of communication and talk to her about it, and see what's going on.
Good luck!Comment
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