Low self-esteem problems

[talim]

Hello, I am looking for a help with a problem that both me and my SO have. It's very low self-esteem.
My SO has this problem, because, due to some family and money issues in the past, he wasn't able to get proper education, so now he feels like he's completely stupid and worth nothing. That is not true actually, he has much more knowledge than me lol, but he just keeps thinking that way. I keep telling him there are plenty of things he is good at, but he just won't listen.
I actually have proper education, but there are different problems - as children I was bullied because I was kinda fat kid, but then I lost some weight, and now I gained some again and I feel terrible about my body. Plus, I have tried many different things, different hobbies in my life, but there was nothing I was good at. Really nothing. I have tried sports, music, art... and nothing, I just suck at everything I do and I can't do anything about it.
My question is, do you have some tips how to deal with this low self-esteem and how to help my SO with it? Thanks a lot.

[Mims27]

Hi there, I have/had really low self esteem as well as anxiety and FOR ME the best decision I ever made was to seek help. It was a really hard decision but it had to be done because I thought I could do it myself but really I was just getting worse. I was bring my SO and our relationship way down and it had to change. Yes the low self esteem does still pop up once in a while, on bad days but now I have the tools to deal with it. Also, I figured out what the "root" of it was and that was a huge eye opener. And it helped to understand everything a little more.

One little tip I have is, write a journal. Write your feelings down, and on paper determine if they are rational thoughts or not. You'll be surprised how often they are not. Also, write ONE positive thing about you everyday. That's a little tough but it feels great!

Anyway, message me if you ever want to talk!

[silvermoonfairy3]

That sounds rough. I know many people struggle with low self-esteem, and I definitely do myself!

Like Mims said, one option is seeking out some professional help. Counselors and such will be able to help you sort through those kind of issues. But if that's not an option, or if you don't feel comfortable with it, that's okay, too. Being aware of the low self-esteem thing is a good start. Try to remind yourself of positive qualities, and when you're trying to help SO, be supportive and vocal of his great qualities. (Though understand that a lot of his self-esteem fixing will have to come from himself, that you can't "fix" it necessarily.)

One thing that I do sometimes, if I'm having a low self-esteem moment.. sounds a little weird, but I leave some positive messages for friends or family or my SO, on a facebook post they made, or shooting my SO a quick email about something I really love about him, or whatever. It makes me focus on good things and stop focusing on myself, and it brightens the other person's day a bit, too, and helps.

And other times, doing something that gets me moving around and focused on something else for a short time is a GREAT way to snap it a bit. I'll take a short walk, or do some yoga in my living room, or whatever. Sometimes just the movement and getting some endorphins going, etc. can be a big help.

Good luck!

[talim]

Thank you for your replies, I would definetely consider seeking some help. And I think that writing one positive thing every day is great idea, but I'm afraid I will have problems with thinking these things up, lol.
Anyway, thank you both!

[differentcountries]

Many places there are also self-help groups that you can join, as to know others in the same situation and maybe get tips from one another on how to turn the situation around. I will recomend getting into non violent communication, that may benefit both your relationship to others and your relationship to yourself (it is about understanding needs and the best way to fill them). Also, meditation can also help. I am sure you have not tried all the hobbies there is! I sucked at several sports until I found yoga (and I don't even have low self esteem, I just had to find My Thing) and there are lots of things I am not able to do. There is something for everyone.

[Heavenly_Love12]

I just wanted to bump this up. I have and still do, experience low self-esteem. I did seek help last year, from January until April. It helped a bunch, I felt happier, more positive, and had techniques to stop myself before negative thoughts took over. My SO and I ended up breaking up in May and I had such high hopes for the summer in general. When they didn't happen, in combination with my SO and I ending, I ended up sinking back into depression with a vengeance. It was hard for me to act like things were fine at work when I hurt so much on the inside. It was difficult to do things in my free time and when I did, I'd have bursts of energy followed by being extremely tired.

Since then, I have improved but I'm still not where I should be. My self-esteem is still very low and I feel isolated a lot of the time. I guess my reason for bumping this post is because I'm sure others are suffering from the same issue(s) and we can all benefit from some advice. I know I'll be trying some of the advice that has been mentioned above and praying more/worrying less.

[TooFarAway]

I've had horrible low-esteem problems. It was so bad that I seriously couldn't talk to anybody face to face. Lmao I was that awkward fat girl in class that wouldn't look you in the eye. I'd just nod and look at the ground. People thought I was stupid xD.
It's been a extremely difficult battle with my esteem problems. The center of my self-esteem problems have been my weight, so I've tried losing it so many times for the past 6 years. I'm finally doing it right with healthy eating and exercising not crash dieting. I wasn't pretty either. I also turned to talking online to people instead of in person. People say that it makes you more awkward and not socially articulate, but it was the opposite for me. You're behind a screen so people don't judge you by the way you look so you can be yourself.
But the cure to my self-esteem issues was my SO. He loved me for me no matter what I looked like, no matter how much I weighed and that gave me confidence. I don't know if that will work for both of you, but my SO encouraging me and making me feel like the most beautiful woman helped me so much. ;3
I still struggle with self-esteem lmao but I try not to think about it because I know my SO, my friends and my family love me for me.

[Kitten_mittens]

This is a good thread. I'm glad you started it as it's really something I needed right now.

I have always had low self esteem. Well at least all but 2 months of my life that I can remember. I've been told that it helps to look in the mirror and give yourself one compliment every day. I've done that sometimes and it can work if you really mean it.. Seeking help is probably the best idea. I'm planning on seeing my counselor more often when this next semester starts. I hope you can figure out what helps you. Also there are plenty of books and audio books about it. That's another option. I think I'm going to download one right now as I'm thinking of it.