Snapped

[Anonymous2]

I know most people say it doesn't get easier, you just get used to it over time. That being said, does anyone ever just have one of those days/nights where you're really mellow or cry yourself to sleep?

A little background (aka my venting/getting this off my chest)

Last night my SO and I were talking about an event coming up in about 6 months or so and he came straight out and said he'd have a hard time even making it even though he's known about it for a year in advance...and while I understand that, for some reason it was the proverbial cherry on top of what was a rapidly decreasing mood and I just lost it. It's like reality slapped me in the face and I got so sad/lonely and missed him like crazy. He's told me he always wants me to tell him how I'm feeling instead of hiding it, but sometimes I feel so selfish for basically crashing on him when there's nothing he can do about it. All it does is keep him up, stresses him out, and makes him feel bad because he can't do anything to fix it. He's a lot stronger than me (and definitely has no free time to sit around and be lonely), but when he says things like "you shouldn't have bad nights like this" or "it was supposed to get easier by now..." I feel so conflicted because I'm not sure if he's right and I should be handling it better, or if an occasional meltdown is understandable. It's been about 5 months now since he left but I was just curious how long it took others to at least get used to it. And even then, does anyone ever still have one of those nights?

[lyonsgirl]

I'm not sure I ever really did get used to it. I had those days, don't worry. It's normal. (I don't anymore, but, that's only because we closed the distance.) It sounds like you're handling it the best you can, and that's about all you can do.

[Anonymous2]

Did you typically let your SO know/see that you were having a hard time during those moments?

[nicole]

I never got used to it really. I'd have months of being "fine" but at times, I'd have meltdowns, and we were LD for 2 1/2 years. It happens, sometimes you just need to cry and throw a tantrum at the situation. Because it sucks. Just so long as its not constant and affecting your everyday life, I'd say it was normal, really Just let yourself feel what you need to feel, let it out, and it will get better!

[lyonsgirl]

Did you typically let your SO know/see that you were having a hard time during those moments?

Yes. He can't read my mind. (ETA: Although sometimes I wish he could!)

[Ahava]

I have these especially after visits (I'm going through that now) and especially if there are other things bothering me/getting me down. And if I see happy couples/couples walking hand in hand that sometimes gets to me. And jealousy of not been able to do normal stuff together on a daily basis like others can.
Last night I sniffed his tshirt that is hanging in my wardrobe and still smells of him and that got me crying. It's a week now since we parted.

[alittlemind]

I think some days are just hard. I've been away from my SO for about 3 and a half months now and it was really difficult for me at the beginning. Then I had a really long stretch where I was doing great, but ever since the beginning of November, and him coming to visit in a month or so, I've had a couple really bad days where I just miss him like crazy and would honeslty do anything to be there with him. I think it's normal. And it's good you tell your SO about it. Even if he can't really do anything, at least he can help talk you through it and calm you down. And remember that you are strong. If you were not strong you would've broken down a long time ago and the relationship would have no hope. You are strong and you can do this Best of luck.

[Anonymous2]

I have these especially after visits (I'm going through that now) and especially if there are other things bothering me/getting me down. And if I see happy couples/couples walking hand in hand that sometimes gets to me. And jealousy of not been able to do normal stuff together on a daily basis like others can.
Last night I sniffed his tshirt that is hanging in my wardrobe and still smells of him and that got me crying. It's a week now since we parted.

I hear you on the seeing other couples together thing. I spent the whole day pre-meltdown with a friend of mine who's getting married soon. Then when I got home I saw another one of my friends had just got engaged. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic for them, but you're right...seeing little things like him walking in the room just to kiss her on her forehead is so bittersweet. It makes the distance and knowledge of the time you still have left before you can be together a little harder to bear than usual.

- Thanks alittlemind! It's weird to think of yourself as strong when you're in a situation that makes you feel pretty weak.

[kittyo9]

Those moments will always happen, no matter how far you are into your relationship, how long you've been together, or how long you've been apart. Sometime you just have a bad day.

I have been in LDR limbo (that's what I'm calling it-- being apart and not knowing when we'll next meet) for more than a year now and sometimes I do feel like I'm doing well and I've come to terms with it, but other times I feel really low and small things will set me off. My SO is gone most of the day, so he doesn't usually see it happen, but I will often tell him when he comes home that I had a bad day, emotionally, and we'll talk a little bit about it. Occasionally it will happen while we're talking and I'll start crying on Skype or something, and he is very sweet and concerned and tries so hard to cheer me up. We both understand the reality of our situation and know that this is part of the deal.

[80anthea]

yep, I know exactly what you are saying. We're currently three months since a visit and still three to go and I'm finding it incredibly tough. Sometimes I feel like I'm constantly moaning to my SO about it, but he wants to know when I'm feeling down as he really does help. I think I'd be better if I knew an exact timescale to everything that will happen in the future but then I'd just be wishing time away even more than I am now. I have a busy job, active social life and keep myself as busy as possible but there are days (well in particular nights) where I just snuggle up next to his t-shirt and cry.

[RachelAnne]

I don't think I ever will completely get used to it and I have nights like that all the time. It's completely normal, but there's nothing really you can do about it until you see each other again. Some days are just worse than others

[Lovebee]

I find these days come in waves. I'll be fine for a while, then I'll have a week or a few days of really missing him, feeling frustrated and alone and upset, and then I'll get myself back together and get on with things again. I sleep in one of his shirts.

Sometimes I tell him how I'm feeling and other times I don't - depends how things are going for him. There are times when I don't want to bother him with how emotional I'm being.

[lilcupcake]

honestly, i don't have "those nights" or "those days" i have those weeks. its only ever lasts one week. but ill be miserable and mopey and lonely day after day. then im okay for quite a while. that's how my emotions always run though, for so long everything runs smoothly. then all those little things, all those happy couples i see in public, all the times i have to hang out with my friends who are happily paired up, every moment i wished he was there crashes down on my head. and it takes a while lol.

my point is, although different for everyone in a LDR, still the same. we're all happily miserable, i suppose.

[Yaaamiii]

By the time my SO and I will have closed the distance, 4 out of our 5 years together will have been LD. It sucks. And as much as I say "I'm just used to it...", I never really did get used to it...I have my days, we all do. As long as they don't take over your life, it's ok to have them, because the distance does suck. I for one am sick of it, and I'm in the final home stretch where we only have 5 more months of distance left. There are days where I feel like someone has squeezed all the water out of a towel and there's nothing left to squeeze. Other days I'm just fine. :P It depends! Don't feel bad for feeling this way. After 4.5 years, I still have those days.

And by the way, I've definitely had my days where I went out with friends and their boyfriends...so I was the 7th wheel. Oh yea. Three couples and me. I literally had to go home once and just tell them that I wanted to Skype my SO.

[Anonymous2]

Glad to know I'm not alone in this. Thankfully I'm super blessed to have a very understanding SO, who never makes me feel guilty for having those days...even if he might not understand them. So there's that at least. Plus, I know that this time apart won't last forever. Some people say "The time will go by faster than you think", but to me it seems to be dragging on at a glacial pace.