FB

[lyonsgirl]

See, I didn't take the post to be about FB, per say, FB is a pretty ridiculous factor in a relationship, of course. To me, it's about him keeping something that's inherently an open, social thing, away from her, with the excuse that he's too private to share this completely unprivate thing with his girlfriend of three years. The fact that he keeps things secret from her most definitely has significant bearing on their relationship, especially since this is a longer-term relationship at this point. If they were together for three months, I'd roll my eyes and move on, but her post is about a lot more than just a stupid, silly website. If I were the OP, this would not be acceptable behavior AND I happen to be quite a private person myself.

I can't give Moon rep points, so, this is my rep points for this. Yep. This is how I took it - not that facebook is such a crucial part of any relationship, but that he is so unwilling to share something that is typically "public" with his long-term gf.

[Mims27]

See, I didn't take the post to be about FB, per say, FB is a pretty ridiculous factor in a relationship, of course. To me, it's about him keeping something that's inherently an open, social thing, away from her, with the excuse that he's too private to share this completely unprivate thing with his girlfriend of three years. The fact that he keeps things secret from her most definitely has significant bearing on their relationship, especially since this is a longer-term relationship at this point. If they were together for three months, I'd roll my eyes and move on, but her post is about a lot more than just a stupid, silly website. If I were the OP, this would not be acceptable behavior AND I happen to be quite a private person myself.

^^Exactly! I think it's much more than him not being active.

Didn't the OP say that he told her he wasn't very active on it and that he was private about it? Maybe he follows nothing but porn stars and nude models on his FB.

The point is that being FB friends has NO BEARING on the rest of their relationship....

She did, but she also said that he has updated it recently with pictures and/or added people...but not her. If he's not active then why does he care if she friends him or not? My SO isn't super active on FB either and she's pretty private. If she refused to add me on FB, after three years, it would certainly raise some red flags for me.

[BabyGund]

There is a difference between privacy and secrecy. He is entitled to privacy and if that includes his FB page, then so be it.

Therefore, the OP is saying she doesn't trust him; he is being secretive. Has he given any reason (besides not wanting to be Facebook friends) to NOT trust him?

ETA: If there is a bigger trust issue here, then address that issue with him. If there isn't, then you may be sabotaging a very good relationship over your own insecurities.

[LittleBox]

He's the one making a mountain out of a mole hill. If he isn't active on it, yet adds other people and uses privacy as a pathetic excuse to exclude her from Facebook then something definitely doesn't add up. They've moved past the cautious early stages of their relationship. Three years in, I don't see why he can't just chalk it up and add her already. As Moon and a couple of others mentioned, Facebook isn't private. Its not as if she's demanding his passwords to pry into his messages. That would be an invasion of privacy and completely understandable.

[chizatlauren]

Didn't the OP say that he told her he wasn't very active on it and that he was private about it? Maybe he follows nothing but porn stars and nude models on his FB.

The point is that being FB friends has NO BEARING on the rest of their relationship....

FB friends have NO bearing, yes, but TRUST has A LOT of bearing in a relationship.

How can you trust a boyfriend who keeps the most mundane things from you? if he's hiding his FB account from you, won't you ever wonder if he's hiding something else? This is not paranoia. He can't even give her a proper reason WHY he can't add her on Facebook. She's lost. And that's why it matters to her.

[milaya]

He's the one making a mountain out of a mole hill. If he isn't active on it, yet adds other people and uses privacy as a pathetic excuse to exclude her from Facebook then something definitely doesn't add up. They've moved past the cautious early stages of their relationship. Three years in, I don't see why he can't just chalk it up and add her already. As Moon and a couple of others mentioned, Facebook isn't private. Its not as if she's demanding his passwords to pry into his messages. That would be an invasion of privacy and completely understandable.

I fully agree on this.
I'm all about not having to share EVERYTHING in a relationship, but not wanting to be friends on FB is just weird.
If you really want to protect your privacy, you shouldn't have a FB account in the first place.
If he's not that active... then it shouldn't be a problem to add her. Just add and then that's that.
If it really was a stupid issue about not wanting to be tagged in certain pics or not wanting certain messages, they could just make some ground rules when it comes to using FB.
My SO isn't much active on FB either, but we added each other. We're married on FB and I tag him in my photos. That's it. We've never talked on FB together, but if my SO didn't want to add me as a friend and giving me no good reason, I think he should expect some bad tension between us. It would be an issue.
Because yes, it's just FB, a social site... repeating myself: it's "just" FB, nothing to go bananas about and try to exclude people from. If you can't overcome that your girlfriend of 3 years wants to be friends on something as mundane and FB, are you up for the relationship at all?

Her SO is the one creating unneeded tension in the relationship, not her. I think she's reasonable.