To young, to tell to old to reveal help???

[ambie000]

Ok so I met this guy on a poetry site when I was 16(iowa) he was 21(richmond,va). It started off with us just talking about poetry because we are both really good writers and we both became fans of one anothers work. shortly like a month or two later we turned to talking romantically. He never asked me for pictures or anything gross like that he really just wanted me we skyped we webcammed we wrote together we talked on the phone me and his mom even talked and stuff. Thing was i had to keep it from my family because i know they would object because of age difference and because of the fact i met him online. So we continued to hide this and grew stronger.... about 3 months into our relationship he did cheat and out of guilt for the next several months we began fighting because we didnt talk as much (he was avoiding me) and i didnt know what was going on. finally two months before his son was born and i was due to graduate high school i planned on coming to see him (telling my parents about him etc...) he called me up and told me about it (only time hes cheated with the girl or anyone else) and begged me to still come see him and that if i loved him I would get through this because he wanted me in his life. Me being young and following my heart I agreed to look past it but i didnt go see him and i was hurt and punshing him daily because of my pain...yet he stayed and endured all of it because he wanted me back. So not only am i dealing with long distance now im dealing with his first child thats not even mine, infidelity and confusion. Needless to say after 3 months I couldnt take it anymore even though he was trying and his baby mama knew of me (didnt at time of one night stand) and respected me it was just to much. I began dating other people so did he we kept going on and off for about a year until I came to him pregnant with a guy who was abusive and controlling and decided to terminate he was supportive even though he was against it and hurt because i was carrying another guys baby but him being there through that time caused us to get back together. By now im 18 going into 19 and contemplating moving with him (parents still unaware of his existence) because I feel our trust issues and love was deeply damaged and being physically together is only way we could begin to repair this because we both truly do love each other. Everyday we fought and argued because he was always busy (working, taking care of son etc) so it wasnt the same and I was just highly frustrated we maybe had one good day out of two weeks.So every two months we were breaking up (i always ending things..he always took me back without hesitation) and getting back together then I turned 20 this year and it was like a epiphany I realized how badly i treated him just because i was still angry and insecure and afraid to admit it and he dealt with it all because he thought if he could have me in the end it would be worth it. So about three weeks ago I sent him a random text at 3 in the morning lol basically saying that i was sorry for how i had been treating him that i get noone is perfect and that i was still trying to get over the cheating and that even though it happend once it bruised alot of trust i had and that even though I love him Im finding it hard on how i fit into him and his son and his sons mother that i want to truly try because I cant change the past but i would never forgive myself if i allow another girl to marry this man because i was to angry to forgive him. and he woke up the next morning called me and we talked about it and he understood and it was like a relief to me I just felt different from that moment on. So we have been doing great we talk now no arguments what so ever if theres a problem we discuss it calmly and hes so in shock and nervous because hes used to me being angry lol. but his birthday is in january and i have been planning with his mom on flying out surprising him. and I honestly have no doubts I KNOW its going to be great and amazing. My real problem is what happens when i come back ???? I am wanting to move with him by end of next year cause I figure why not weve been through the worst already lol. but my parents still dont know!. my sister knows and so do my friends but I just dont know how to tell my parents and have them support me (they dont support anything I have ever done) bc of everything we been through and moving to whole new state. I just dont know how to do it or should I bother at all knowing how they are going to react? Ive thought about this ALOT for years! and I wouldnt considerate if i had any doubts but I truly love him and he has proven his love for me Im just ready to start my happily ever after ......

[Karlijn92]

I think you need to be honest with your parents and tell them about his guy. It's really not fair that everyone else knows about this, except your parents. You'll have to tell them eventually.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but you haven't met him yet, right? So you need to be careful about the decision of moving in with this guy. You don't know what he's like in real life, when you're together, also keep in mind he has a kid to take care of.
You guys need to slow down a bit and build a stable relationship together before making these commitments. Really, take your time and think about it long and hard.
Good luck to you!

[Malaga]

Wow. I hope you have another career path lined up beside writing. Protip: paragraphs and punctuation make such a difference.

Definitely don't plan to move in with him until you've met him in person at least once. Nobody should do this, especially you given the complicated situation you're both in. Going close distance won't solve trust issues if that's what you're getting at. You need to look after yourself first. If you want to make it work in the long term, first get your life in order as much as possible. Come clean with your parents, invest in your education and career, read more books, practice your poetry writing. Have several visits and build a stronger friendship with him before you decide on moving. The better foundation you build now the stronger your relationship is going to be.

This isn't a race. If you worry you need to get in there before he marries someone else, it only goes to show your trust issues, warranted or not, are still very much there.

[ambie000]

How else are we supposed to build a relationship if we are still apart? I cant adapt and see if this will work with his son from a distance thats what we have been doing. Im not rushing it we plan on seeing each other once a month til end of next year and then moving together see if this can work how else will we know?

[ambie000]

I don't plan on just moving first time we meet I'm not naive. I am in school here and working so I'm not just sitting around waiting on him I am improving myself here. I am not that deep into my poetry anymore but i do read a lot and as far as my career I planned on moving to that state anyway before I even met him. Him being there is just a plus I didn't plan on staying in Iowa by next year at all. We have a very deep friendship we have been through a lot so its not like a 6 month relationship my trust issues are being handled now because i know going there wont solve them we are doing much better now because i do trust him more now then before. I understand its a process I was just saying I cant completely say i trust him again until we are moved together and I do get to see him on a daily basis to work on our family and see if it can work. Me breaking up with him was me getting myself together doing what I wanted and not forcing myself to deal with his situation and I'm back because I decided this is where I want to be and I was able to make that decision with time and having time to process and think about everything short term and long term.

[Anoulie]

I didn't read what you wrote in its entirety, and I doubt a lot of people will unless you edit it for clarity. With no paragraphs, capitalization, and hardly any punctuation, reading this would require more energy than the casual forum user is willing to put in.
From skimming over your post, however, I deduct that
- he already has a kid with another woman
- he cheated on you (possibly more than once?)
- you have not even met each other in real life yet
- your writing style is horrible

I would like to advise you to break up with him and look for someone local who doesn't treat you as badly, but I doubt that's going to happen. So I'd just like to say: Proceed with extreme caution.

Edited to add: Apparently you've broken it off with him before... that makes it even worse. Seriously, dump him for good. Don't do this "let's be friends" crap. Don't contact him for six months or so before you attempt a friendship.

There's someone out there who will treat you the way you deserve it. And that's obviously not that guy. You can do so much better.