Boredom or comfort?

[Hkh8871]

When do you know if its boredom or just the honeymoon stage being over? We are long distance and im just confused as to whether im bored or comfortable. I like him but the fact that he hasnt said i love you after almost a year of being together makes me want to just call it a day and move on. He constantly tells me he is excited to see me because im coming home in 10 days and that im important to him etc etc. he has also really been trying to amp up the communication cause i mentioned i had a huge problem with how little we spoke. I also have trust issues and while he hasnt done anything ive been cheated on in the past. His friends who i am friends with say hed never cheat and he doesnt cheat but i just dont know. Maybe im just going ghrough a negative phase but i miss the butterflies and the wanting to impress each other and the going out. Im over just sitting at home and watching tv and being with his friends and family every moment we are together. What do i do?

[Chlo]

I've recently been through something similar, worried and stressed that we're bored of one another already. I asked my SO about it, and he said it's just because we're comfortable with one another. He isn't bored of me, and I'm not bored of him. It's a good thing, it just means you're moving forward with your relationship!
We've spoken about a lot in the past, we're very lucky and pretty much talk everyday so we're running out of 'general' things to talk about. It happens, you can't expect not to become comfortable with your SO.
I felt the same when it came to wanting to impress one another, panicing about it but I simply spoke to him about it. I think it's the easiest way to solve most problems within a relationship. He won't know unless you tell him.
If you're bored of sitting at home, get yourself out with friends or family. Go shopping, swimming, or maybe ice skating (since it's that time of year!)

I wish you the best of luck

[mellif]

Personally, I think the line between boredom and comfort is how uninterested you feel. After the honeymoon stage with one of my relationships, I just couldn't talk to him anymore because I simply wasn't interested-- I felt like there was no point in continuing since I didn't want to bother knowing more about him. (Yikes! But true... This was back in my heartbreaker days, when I didn't understand love as well )

For my current relationship, I believe we're slowly moving out of the honeymoon stage-- but I'm still very intrigued by my SO. Even if I know a lot about him, I want to learn even more about him. I want to be there to celebrate when he has his victories, and comfort when he faces defeat. I want to experience being alive with him. To me, it's a more beautiful feeling than the 'honeymoon' love, when it was all "you're so cute :butterflies:". It may take some time to develop this kind of comfort, since emotional transitions are always a little bumpy. Be patient! Because it may be worth it. If you feel the boredom continue despite your best efforts, however, maybe it is time to consider whether or not to continue the relationship.

[LadyDaemon]

Have you talked to him about the fact the he hasn't said 'I love you' to you? Also,maybe you also feel that way because you're so afraid of getting hurt that it's making you emotionally distant to the point that it's making you not feel as close to him or interested or maybe because you don't get enough time with just you and him and that's making you feel that way. I think you need to talk to him about the 'I love you' issue and also ask him to spend more alone time with you.

[Ahava]

Some guys just don't say "it". We've been together for over a year with my SO and he has never said it. I have said it and still continue saying it though he doesn't.
Him not having said it did hurt me at one point and I also wondered does it make him perhaps feel uncomfortable or something that I say it, but we have talked about it and that is not the case.
He has told me he likes me a lot many many many times and that I make him happy/make him smile etc. He makes an effort on the communication etc. Spends ages looking for birthday/christmas/other gifts for me and my children.
So he does show me in other ways that he cares a lot about me and thus the missing I love you's doesn't bother me at the moment
And he shows an interest in my life by asking questions and listening to me.
I guess it's just not a part of his vocabulary
I would love nothing more than to hear him say it (maybe one day), but I think I will choose the actions over the words

[temporaryuser]

how often do you see each other? Does he say other things to the same effect without saying I love you? I agree that some people just dont like to say it. or if they never have before, dont feel comfortable. Have you ever said it to him? have you ever mentioned the fact that you would like to do other things rather than just sit around with friends? if these things arent brought up then the other person just assumes you are comfortable with how things are going. You cant expect him to read your mind.
You could give him a heads up and say "hey when i come home, I would like us to go do ...."

[oxytocinbite]

Honestly I don't really fully believe in the "honeymoon phase" I think what you need to do is speak to your bf and tell him how you feel. Tell him you want to spend alone time with him and do something romantic. You said your communication was not that great, well seems to me like it still is not since you have not told your bf all of this.

Also you need to trust your bf, you can't keep using being cheated on as an excuse.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I'd echo the questions on the "I love you" thing.. have you said it to him?

As for the cheating thing, I've had that happen too, and have been skittish sometimes about new guys I date. Trust issues, etc. But the important thing you remember is that *this* guy isn't the one who has cheated on you. He hasn't done anything wrong like that, so being suspicious of him is going to make you jealous and untrusting. Been there! As hard as it is, you'll need to work on building trust, and hopefully he'll continue giving you reasons to trust him.

Good luck!

[gbell2]

Hmm well I have a similar story. My bf and I have been going out for just under a year now but then i moved away for school in August and we have been going long distance for a few months now. He has said "I love you" I think twice and i find myself wanting to hear him say it to me again but he doesn't. Maybe its more about actions than words though.
Its hard but you will see him again soon. 10 days will pass by quickly.

[chizatlauren]

When it comes to the "honeymoon stage", it actually requires effort from both parties to maintain that.

You can be comfortable with each other and still have that new relationship feeling, but boredom is a different story for me. I think at this time you're just being comfortable with him, and you love him. It happens all the time with relationships. But you can do something here. First, I think you should tell your SO about this feeling that you're having. Tell him about the "i love you" issue. If it becomes successful and he wants to keep the relationship exciting in the same way that you want, then read on various articles on activities you can do to keep things exciting in your relationship.

I think I can say this for myself cause I'm in a seven-year relationship and I still feel that new relationship bliss. But for that to happen to me, my SO still keeps on saying I love you everyday and gives me random gifts so I'll still feel special.