I can't keep them both! How to decide between two great LDR guys!!!

[Samanthabear]

Hi everyone, ok here it is....I guess I am a sucker for LDR's I seem to attract them like hot girls at the playboy mansion! Probably because I live in a really small town that is a retirement community but am a successful woman and so most guys I'm interested are not around here!

So Guy #1) "Pretty Boy" I've been with for about 5 months now.....he lives in Seattle about a 400 miles away from me. He seemingly adores me but is sometimes hard to read. He's a jock/Abercrombie model type that is just to die for cute! He has lots of friends that are girls, but swears he would never cheat (I trust him he's always been faithful). All my friends think he is super cute. The problem? He WILL NOT be physical with me, like we've had sex and stuff but he doesn't hold hands, or want to cuddle on the couch or anything like that. I am a major cuddlebug and have forced it before but he always complains or is like (I hope you grow out of this). He sends me the sweetest txt messages every morning/night etc and says he wants a future together. Also...he insists that I get "fake tits" I am a running addict and as such have a very athletic body....I'm like a 34 C but he claims he likes really big boobs? I have mixed feelings about this since I am happy with my body and worry this could affect my running. We also have a TON in common as far as hobbies/interests are concerned. He is a bit of a trust fund baby but also works at an average type job.

Guy #2) "Soldier Boy" is in the Air Force. We've been going out for about 1 month now. He lives about 2 hrs from where I live. He is a perfect gentleman and the SWEETEST thing you will ever meet. Will snuggle up on the couch with me until forever and is the best kisser! The military has been HELL on his wardrobe but hey, I'm a major shopaholic so this isn't a big deal to me. We don't have as much in common as far as hobbies and interests as me and "pretty boy" but I feel like value wise we might be a little more compatible. Soldier Boy has another yr in the military but is very career goal oriented right now he's living in a questionable apartment lol and is a total bachelor. He has also served in Iraq and Quatar which is something I really admire and tells the funniest stories about it. He's super cute but in a more rough around the edges kind of way. He's also a little more mature, my friends like him but they think he's sort of too shy (I think he's cute though lol). He's very interested in a committed relationship and tells me this all the time (hint hint). He thinks I'm perfect the way that I am and loves my body and my running.

Problem: I was casually dating both these guys but now both want to get serious (I'm talking breaking out the "L" word and everything). I want to be a good person and not lead anyone on so I know I need to decide? Any input/help suggestions are welcome. They are both great guys and some other lucky woman out there is missing out on one of the great guys that I am holding on to right now....I know I can't keep them both HELP!!!! Also keeping up with 2 relationships is so stressful and I know its not the right thing to do.

[nicole]

Well it's good you are seriously thinking about it and don't want to string them both along. And first off I would suggest sitting down and thinking what you want out of a relationship, and whether or not either of these men can provide what you need, and also if you can provide what they need from you.

And on a personal opinion, I would never want to be with someone who was insisting on getting a boob job. I mean really, who asks that of someone? Fair enough if you were uncomfortable with your body and wanted to change to boost your self esteem, but for him to go and tell you that is what he wants, I think something is a bit off there hun. Your man should love you for who you are, not trying to put upgrades on you lol

[Samanthabear]

Hi Nicole, thanks for your insight and response... definitely a great point about something being a little off there, I've been really uncomfortable with that part of how he is....I'm just not sure how to let him down easy because I think he really is sincere about me and cares for me.....but I also don't want to be Upgraded!!!! I love myself the way I am and running 1/2 marathons with big boobs sounds uncomfortable!

[LadyMarchHare]

It sounds to me your priorities are more in the physical than they are personality as you describe them both more physically in terms of fashion and looks. If this is the case, I think you need to take time to yourself to reset priorities because beauty fades, hourglass figures crack, and 10 years from now any hot stud is gonna have some crow's feet. It's good you're looking for someone to perhaps settle with or at least be more than sex or whatever else might be there.

Guy #1 gets the boot, in my opinion. He sounds like the atypical 20-something name-brand jockey guy. If he wants you to alter your appearance then that's an insta-goodbye, to me at least. Guy #2 sounds more secure in terms of a serious relationship. Yes he's shy, but perhaps he's been hurt before or wants to make sure you're worth putting his heart on the line for. I was shy when I began dating my guy and though I'm still shy in many aspects, I have opened up as I got to know him better. These things take time.

And I probably have no place in saying this as it's my opinion and nothing more, but dating 2 or more people at once, even 'casually', is pointless to me. Then again I'm a prude.

[paulawriteslove]

I'm happy that you have listed the both guys. In my opinion, I like Guy #2 more. I don't think you should be with someone who wants you to get a boob job. I feel like #2 would be better in the long run

[Samanthabear]

Thanks guys...I was trying to describe both guys without making the post too long, being only physically attracted is not me at all!!!! If anyone wants to know more ie values religion etc. just let me know in the post.

[LadyMarchHare]

No it just kinda bothered me as usually with LDRs you hear more personality than looks. But like I said Guy #1 is really not mature enough to handle what you're looking for in the long run. #2 may not be either, but he's a far cry better than Mr. Get-A-Boob-Job.

[Samanthabear]

LOL yeah like I said before that part sort of bugs me. I mean guy #1 is actually 28 yrs old while guys #2 is only 23....I'm 22. Guy #1 is super outgoing funny and totally heart on the sleeves type, while #2 makes me feel like a princess, but is so shy and cute sometimes! Of course he's got a little of that macho I'm in the military attitude but mostly he's like a big teddy bear.....He also has like a million guy friends I swear!

[sarahmarie]

This is a tough situation. My only advice is to let your heart lead you to make the right decision. Your heart will never do you wrong.

[kraut]

First of all, regardless of weather or not both of them want a more committed relationship if you do not want one or are not ready, be honest. Tell them how you feel, honesty is one of the best things you can have in a relationship and if you can't have that it will only create problems in the future.

Now, as far as choosing, Guy 1 seems to expect too much of you and is not interested in what you think/feel. He wants you to change your body He is also unwilling to be involved in activities that sponsor closeness and companionship in the relationship. Snuggling, holding hands, etc are not childlish activities they are necessary to fostering trust, communication, and companionship in a relationship. Sex and romance are not things by which relationships are built; they are things by which relationships are ruined. In saying that I mean that a relationship built on those two things alone is due to fail eventually.

I also worry that Guy 2 is to anxious to commit. You have only been dating a month. Possibly he is the right guy but you just need more time to get to know each other before you get serious.

These are just a few things to think about. The most important thing is to communicate with both of them honestly. Do not do anything you don't feel ready for!

[Michelle]

I added a poll to make this easier!

I'd go with guy #2. It seems a big reason you're holding onto #1 is because of his looks. But guy #2 seems to have everything thing else you're looking for and what guy #1 can't or won't give you.

Plus, any guy that insists you should change your body (boob job) is not cool.

[noodle]

Let me be the mean one and first of say that I dont think its ok that you've been sorta kinda datin/playin or whatever with both ^^ But yet its very positive that you finally decided to chose one only
I'd honestly tell you to sit down and think about what you want. You say you want a serious relationship and you probably think it but maybe back in your head its somethin way different, and trust me I've been there done that ^^
Maybe in the end you wont choose any of those two and just go for some fun and then at some point meet the one you really love the way he is
Good luck with it

[William]

From your descriptions it seems to me that:
The 'imperfections' of guy #1 seem pretty set in stone. He seems to want you to do all the adjusting, while a relationship is all about mutual effort
The 'imperfections' of guy #2 are things that will vanish/heal over time as your relationship grows. Plus, they're personal traits that some people may actually appreciate or can at least relate to.

I'd go for guy #2 too.

Plus, as others have said, any guy who wants an athletic girl with a (blessed as far as size goes) 34C to get a fake rack is just completely nuts

[Samanthabear]

Thanks kraut....I am ready for a more committed relationship, maybe not marriage or anything but definitely ready to stop being "on the market" in the dating scene. When I say more serious, both guys have asked me (around the same time) if I want to start being exclusive with each other. They both know I go out with others guys from time to time but want to take that next step. Thanks for all your advice, It is a tough decision! And thanks for agreeing with me on the PDA and cuddling....I'm like so what if its childish, I love to cuddle lol.

[MoonWatcher]

It sounds to me like you've already made your decision. You obviously have serious doubts about Pretty Boy, and rightly so. If he's already trying to manipulate you and change not just how you look (which is disgusting, by the way) but your emotional needs when you're just "casually dating", imagine what he'll be like when you're in a committed relationship! This may sound harsh, but it's easy for people to be sweet and nice when it benefits themselves. Kick him to the curb!

Soldier Boy is the better man, but I agree with kraut, he's jumping the gun a little. His shyness is nothing to be concerned about unless it makes him anti-social. If anything, I find it an endearing quality that shows a gentle spirit. However, I would slow it down with him. Especially if he's in a war-type scenario, he's probably going to be sharing some deep and possibly scary things with you. I imagine he'll be craving reassurance from you, because really, who would want to share that with someone they didn't think would always be there for them? There's no rush. Think of it this way: the slower you work the trust, the stronger is becomes, and that includes muscles of the heart.